Beautifully Broken Spirit

by Catherine Cowles

  “Any ladies catch your eye lately?”

  I was glad I didn’t have another bite of cookie in my mouth. “Lots of ladies catch my eye,” I said with a grin.

  She grimaced and shot me a disapproving look. “You need to settle down. Find a woman you can build a life with. Someone who won’t let you get away with everything most of those girls do. You know who I always thought you’d be good with—?”

  “Mom,” I cut her off, “I’m not looking to get serious with anyone.” I didn’t have the heart to tell her that would be the case forever.

  Her face fell. “I know your career is important, but so is a happy life.”

  “And are you happy?” I regretted the words as soon as they left my lips.

  Pain flitted across my mother’s face. “When you’ve been in a relationship as long as your father and I have, there are bound to be ups and downs.”

  I gripped the edge of the countertop, the marble edge cutting into my palm. “I don’t remember a hell of a lot of ups.” My gaze bored into hers, begging her to really hear me. I gentled my tone. “At some point, isn’t it time to call things a loss and move on?”

  Her face hardened. “Tuck, I made vows. And I intend to keep them. Marriage is meant to be forever.”

  Whatever my father was doing now had shot those vows to shit. And I found it hard to believe that they’d ever mattered much to him to begin with. “He treats you like crap.”

  I didn’t have the heart to tell her the depth of it. I couldn’t bring myself to say that I’d known since I was eight years old and had walked in on him and some woman in the barn. I wasn’t sure what would destroy Mom more: Dad’s betrayal or my own. But I’d been keeping the secret for so long, I couldn’t seem to let it out now. And I wasn’t sure it would matter if I did. She seemed to have an excuse for it all.

  My mom busied herself cleaning an invisible mess on the counter. “Your father works hard. He likes to blow off steam. Do I wish things were different? Sure. But I love him, faults and all.” Her gaze met mine. “None of us is perfect.”

  I shut my mouth with a snap, my teeth clacking together. Whatever I wanted to say wouldn’t be helpful at this point in time. I inhaled slowly through my nose, changing tack. “I love you, Mom. I’m here if you ever change your mind. And you know you can always come stay with me if you need to.” I glanced down at my watch. My dad usually got home in about an hour, and I didn’t want to risk any run-ins if he was early. “I need to get going.”

  “Oh, honey. Don’t. Please stay for dinner. I’m making pork tenderloin and potato leek au-gratin.”

  My stomach rumbled at the mention of one of my favorite meals. “I really can’t tonight.” Or any night Craig Harris will be at the table.

  My mom’s shoulders fell. “All right.” She rounded the counter and wrapped her arms around me. “I’m sorry we argued. You know I love you, right?”

  I engulfed her slim frame. “I know. I just want the best for you.”

  When she pulled back, there were tears in her eyes. “I could say the same. And I’m not sure the best is alone.”

  I stood from the stool. “And, sometimes, alone is exactly what’s best.”

  I pushed open the door to the Cole Ranch house. Noah’s squeals of delight were followed by an array of deep chuckles. As I moved through the entryway littered with a variety of family photos, jackets hung haphazardly on a coat rack, and a few of Noah’s toys scattered on the floor, warmth flooded my chest. This space was home. More than the three-bedroom craftsman I’d bought in town. More than the sprawling ranch I’d grown up on. This place was comfort and chaotic peace.

  “Tuck!” Noah flew towards me at a speed that seemed otherworldly for a nine-year-old. I lifted him high into the air as he launched himself at me. “Liam taught me a new song on the guitar. Can I play it for you?”

  “Of course, you can. You getting rock star lessons, too?” I glanced into the living space, giving our resident superstar a grin. Liam grimaced. He might be a multi-platinum-selling musician, but he was much more at home here in Sutter Lake with his girlfriend, Tessa.

  Noah nodded rapidly. “Yup. I’m gonna be a rock star, fighter pilot, karate superstar.”

  I held in my chuckle. “I guess it’s good you’re practicing.”

  I greeted Liam, Walker, and Walker’s father, Andrew, with backslaps and half-hugs as Noah pulled out his guitar and proceeded to play a barely recognizable rendition of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

  My gaze caught on Jensen. She looked on from the kitchen, adoration filling her amber eyes. Her hair, so dark brown it was almost black, fell in loose waves framing her heart-shaped face. There was something about the shape of that face that always had my eyes zeroing in on her perfect lips. Plump and pouty, without her trying. Lips that could enchant and entice. And they did.

  That mouth was not one I needed to be thinking about. I blinked rapidly, forcing my gaze back to Noah as he hit the final chord. “That was great, little man.”

  He beamed up at me. “I’m getting better.”

  Liam ruffled his hair. “You’ve been practicing.”

  “Tucker Harris, I didn’t see you come in. Don’t you think you can sneak by me. Come over here and give me some sugar.” The voice that called out above the din of the various conversations was roughened with age but still clear as a bell.

  A smile spread wide across my face. “Now, Miss Irma, I would never neglect you.” I crossed to the kitchen where Walker and Jensen’s grandmother leaned against the counter, sipping a glass of wine, surrounded by the other ladies. I plucked the glassware from her hand, set it on the bar, and pulled her into my arms, dipping her back. “When are you finally going to run away with me?”

  Irma cackled, smacking my chest with her hand until I righted her. “I’m too much for you to handle, cowboy.” She took a step back, giving me an exaggerated once-over. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the view.”

  Laughter erupted around us. Jensen rolled her eyes and took a sip of her wine. I slipped behind her, giving a strand of her hair three quick tugs. “How are you, Little J? Get some rest?” At first, I thought she had, the circles under her eyes seemed somewhat muted even if the eyes themselves still looked tired. But as I studied her more closely, I saw that makeup disguised the dark blooms of color. A muscle in my cheek ticked. She still wasn’t sleeping.

  Jensen swatted my hand away. “What? You’re not feeling the need to tell me I look like crap?”

  My hands fisted at my sides. The urge to grab her and kiss that smart mouth was overwhelming.

  “Jensen! Language,” Sarah chastened.

  “Sorry, Mom.” Jensen sent a scowl in my direction.

  I held up my hands in mock surrender, backing away. “I was just asking how you were.” I rounded the counter to brush my lips against Sarah’s cheek. “Hey, Mama Sarah.”

  Sarah set down the spoon she held and wrapped me in a hug. “It’s so good to see you. It’s been too long.”

  Jensen refilled her wine glass. “You saw him last week.”

  Sarah released me and returned to stirring her pot of chili. “And that is much too long to go without my Tuck fix.”

  I turned my grin from Sarah to Jensen. “It’s a difficult cross to bear, being this desired, but someone has to do it.”

  Tessa and Taylor giggled, but Jensen picked up a carrot from the salad fixings and pelted it at me. I caught the veggie before it could hit. “You didn’t.”

  Jensen arched a brow. “Sometimes, it takes drastic measures to bring someone back to reality.”

  I shrugged, taking a bite of the carrot, but as soon as Jensen turned back towards her wine, I made my move. Darting around the counter, I grasped J by the waist and threw her over my shoulder. She let out a high-pitched shriek that I swore almost pierced my eardrum. “I think someone needs her own dose of reality. What do you think, ladies? Would a dip in the pool do it?”

  Tessa and Taylor tried to hide their laughter behind their dr
inks with minimal success. Irma raised her glass to me. “You show her, sweetheart. But you gotta go in after her. And you gotta take off your shirt so I can get the full show.”

  “Grandma!” Jensen hissed.

  Irma shrugged. “What? A woman’s got needs.”

  “Tucker Harris, you put me down.”

  I gave her pert ass a little pat. “Oh, I’ll put you down.” I strode towards the door. “Noah, can you open the back door for me?”

  Jensen fisted my shirt, trying to wiggle out of my hold. “Tuck! It’s forty degrees out there.”

  Noah bounded over and opened the door. “Where are you taking Mom?”

  “I’m taking her swimming, little man.”

  His nose wrinkled. “Isn’t it kind of cold to go swimming?”

  “Her temper needs a little cooldown.”

  Noah nodded as if he understood, and I headed out the back door.

  Jensen let out a series of oomphs as I jogged down the back steps. At the center of a large, manicured yard that led up to rolling pastures dotted with a variety of animals was a pool. One that hadn’t been closed up in preparation for winter yet.

  Jensen pinched my side. “If you throw me in that pool, my revenge will be so epic, you will be paying for it for decades.”

  “You talk a big game for a very little girl.”

  “Stop calling me little, I’m five-eight.”

  “Still tiny to me.”

  She tried to wrench herself from my grasp, but I held firm. “That’s because you’re a giant. An unnatural behemoth.”

  I chuckled. “Now is that any way to talk to someone you’re trying to convince not to throw you in a pool?”

  “Tucker…”

  I paused at the edge of the water that did, in fact, look freezing. “What’ll you give me if I don’t?”

  “I won’t murder your ass.”

  “That’s not very nice.” I started to tip Jensen towards the pool.

  Her fingers dug into my back. “No, no, no! Okay, fine, whatever you want.”

  “That’s better.” I backed a few steps away from the pool. “Now, what could I possibly want? Free scones at the Kettle for life?” I slowly eased Jensen down the front of my body. I should have tossed her in the damn pool. Having her come after me hellbent on revenge would’ve been a lot safer than the delicious friction of her curves sliding down my front.

  My muscles tightened as her face came level with mine, that tempting mouth just a breath away. She leaned in closer, her lips skimming the shell of my ear. “If you come around my shop asking for free food, I’ll make sure yours is laced with ex-lax.”

  I let out a strangled laugh as Jensen gave my chest a hard shove and headed back towards the house. I rubbed a hand over my stubbled jaw and grinned. She might be pissed as hell at me, but at least there had been some life in those eyes again. The dullness that had been plaguing them lately always made me want to punch something.

  The girl I’d known all her life had a wildness to her. An unnamable quality that couldn’t be tamed. She’d lost that over the past year, that wildfire in her eyes, gone. And I’d do whatever I could to help her get it back.

  Walker moved through the back door as I headed up the steps. “What was that all about?”

  I shrugged. “Just trying to startle some life back into her.”

  Walker chuckled. “You’re lucky she didn’t knee you in the balls.”

  I winced. “I know how to protect the family jewels.”

  We made our way inside to find everyone taking seats at the massive dining table. Walker gave my back a slap. “Good luck, man.”

  As he headed for an empty seat next to Taylor, I saw that the only other vacant chair was next to Jensen. I grinned and headed for it.

  Jensen scowled as I lowered myself onto the seat. “One wrong move, and I’ll stab you with my fork.”

  My grin widened. “Why, Jensen, are you doubting my table manners?”

  She let out a snort. “You’re a caveman.”

  Dinner passed in its usual fare of five different conversations happening all at once until Noah commanded our attention with a story he desperately needed to tell everyone. As things began to wind down, Sarah turned her attention to me. “How are your mom and dad, Tuck? I haven’t seen them around much lately.”

  I stiffened. Of course, she hadn’t seen them around much. “They’re good. Just busy.”

  Sarah took a sip of her wine. “Walker said your dad was helping a friend of your mom’s in town with a plumbing issue. That’s so kind of him.”

  My jaw clenched so hard it was a miracle I didn’t crack a molar. I couldn’t seem to utter a word of agreement. The man wasn’t kind. He was cruel. I forced my head into a jerky nod and turned my attention to my beer. A hand reached under the table and gripped mine, giving a quick succession of squeezes.

  “Mom, I’m going to head over to Rock Springs in a couple days to check out some of the mustangs Lee told me about. Want to come with me?”

  I let the conversation fade out to background noise as Sarah answered Jensen. I never looked Jensen’s way, but her fingers stayed linked with mine, holding tightly. Jensen had always seen more of me than anyone else. Knew the secrets I held deep inside. Every single thing I hid away from the view of the world. Every single thing…save one. And that was one secret she’d never know.

  5

  Tuck

  I took a sip of coffee as I strode up the path to the Forest Service station and wondered if it would be possible to get an IV so I could mainline the stuff. I scowled down at my travel mug when I remembered why I was so damn tired this morning.

  Jensen.

  I’d woken up at four a.m. with a racing heart and a pulsing dick after the most vivid dream of my life. I could’ve sworn that I tasted her on my tongue. I gripped my mug tighter. It was getting harder and harder to resist her.

  And last night had been my own damn fault. Letting those luscious curves press up against me, of course, I’d dreamt about her. The more significant problem had been shaking myself out of the stupor it’d caused. Returning to sleep had been impossible. So, here I was, running on four hours of shuteye and having to face a meeting with one of my least favorite people.

  I pulled open the door to the station and found a way-too-chipper officer manning the front desk. “Morning, Carl.”

  “Hey, Tuck. How are you? How was SWAT training yesterday? I bet it was awesome.”

  I fought the grimace that wanted to surface. Carl was simply enthusiastic about his job. This morning it was just a little more than I could handle. “It was good, man. Is David in yet?”

  Carl’s gaze darted to the right. “He’s in his office. He told me to send you in whenever you got here.”

  Great. David would probably bitch and moan about me being late when I was actually fifteen minutes early. Nothing I did or didn’t do would ever make the man happy. I gave Carl a chin jerk and headed for David’s office, opting to bypass my desk. I gave the door two quick raps.

  “Come in.”

  I pushed open the door to find David hunched over papers at his desk, a donut in one hand, and a coffee mug in the other. Talk about a law enforcement cliché. “Good morning, sir.”

  “It’s about time you got here.” He placed the donut on the plate and wiped his hand on his uniform-clad paunch.

  I didn’t even bother pointing out that I was, in fact, early. It would only piss him off. Instead, I took a seat in one of the chairs opposite David’s desk. “What’s on the docket this week?”

  I headed up a team of four officers. Three men and one woman. Each team leader had a weekly meeting with the boss to discuss the cases they’d be focusing on and what areas of the forest they’d be patrolling.

  “There’re a few things I want you to check out. First, I want you guys to go by the campground on the north end of Creekside trail. We’ve had a few calls about kids partying up there.”

  I pulled out my phone and started taking notes. “Got it.”<
br />
  “Then, we’ve had some poaching on leased grazing land I want you to talk to Rich Clintock about. Someone stole two of his sheep from right under his nose. We can’t have that.”

  A fair amount of state and national land had been leased out for animals to graze on. But because the ranchers didn’t live on the same land their animals did, there were occasionally issues. I tapped out a few more notes on my phone. “I’ll send Dominguez and Hightower to the campground, and I’ll go with Mackey and Rhines to Clintock’s place.”

  David leaned back in his chair and nodded. “Next is more about lip-service than anything. Gotta say I sent someone to check it out. Two campers called in complaining about someone shooting off a gun and scaring the wild horses away up by county road twenty-three.”

  I sat up straighter. “Were any horses injured?”

  David shook his head. “They’re fine. It was probably just someone hunting deer. But you know how touchy those tourists are when they hear gunshots. It was probably nowhere near them or the wild horses.”

  The statement was true enough, but I wanted to make sure the horses were okay. If someone had been messing around up there and accidentally killed a horse, it would devastate Jensen. “I’ll go check that out while I have the rest of my team on the other two cases.”

  David straightened. “I want you on the Clintock case. You can check out the horse business afterward. If there’s time.”

  I gritted my teeth but nodded. “Anything else?”

  “Nope. Go find that poacher.”

  I rose from my seat. “Will do.” But as soon as I could, I was heading for Pine Meadow. Because if Jensen heard about someone scaring off the mustangs, her crazy ass would be out there investigating, and she’d get herself into some sort of trouble I’d end up having to get her out of.

  I headed down the hall to the main room and found Dominguez and Mackey settling into their desks. “Morning.”

  “Morning, boss.” Dominguez placed his sidearm in the top drawer of his desk.

  Mackey, already seated, gave me a wave as she bit into a breakfast burrito. The girl was all of five foot two and one hundred and ten pounds, but she could pack away more food than I could.