The Ruins Of Us (Mayhem Book 3)

by Catharina Maura

  Carter chuckles. “No shit, minx.”

  I grin as he pulls me closer. He undoes the sash on my robe, his lips falling open in shock when he realizes what I’m wearing underneath.

  “You’re wearing my shirt.”

  I smile and nod. “Didn’t you say you always wanted to see me in one of these?”

  Carter’s eyes roam over my body heatedly and his hands find my waist. He pulls me closer and his lips come crashing down on mine. He lifts me onto the kitchen counter and I wrap my legs around him, the shirt riding up.

  “Fuck,” Carter whispers. “I want you in this.”

  I giggle, but he wipes my smile right off my face when his fingers find their way between my legs. “Minx,” he whispers, as he drops his lips to my neck and kisses me softly. “How are you wet already?”

  I smile and turn my head to whisper into his ear. “Let’s just say that seeing you in your swim shorts every morning has been highly… stimulating.”

  Carter grins as my hand slips into his boxer shorts. “I need to get back on the pill,” I whisper, and Carter nods.

  “I want you bare, Emilia. I want to be able to fuck you whenever, wherever.”

  His words make me even wetter and I clench my thighs. My cheeks redden as I look at him. “I’ve never wanted that with anyone but you,” I tell him.

  Carter looks at me in confusion and frowns. “What do you mean?”

  I look away, my cheeks burning. “I’ve never had anyone bare but you.”

  Carter looks at me in disbelief, and then he grins. “Knowing that we’re still each other’s one and only, even for something so small… I fucking love it.”

  He pulls my lips back to his, and I lose myself in him. “I’ve missed this,” he whispers. “God, I’ve dreamt about these lips of yours every single night.”

  Carter pulls back to look at me, his hands roaming over my body impatiently. He looks at me as though he can’t quite believe that I’m really here, and I feel exactly the same. I don’t want to overthink this, I just want to be in this moment with him.

  My hands slide from his hair to his shoulders, and I pull him closer, my movements urgent and eager. “Carter,” I whisper, my heart filled with longing.

  He drops his forehead to mine and inhales deeply. “Let’s go back to bed, Minx.”

  I laugh and throw my arms around his neck. Carter lifts me into his arms and I rest my head against his shoulder, feeling intensely happy.

  Carter carries me to the stairs and I run my hand over his chest, a smile on my face. We both freeze when the doorbell rings. Carter looks at me and frowns as he puts me down carefully.

  “We weren’t expecting anyone, were we?” He asks me, and I shake my head. He sighs and looks irritated as he walks to the front door. I lean back against the wall, my eyes following him.

  Carter stiffens when he opens the door and I frown. My heart sinks when Helen comes into view, Kate in tow. Her eyes find mine, and she looks shocked. I glance down and belatedly realise that my robe is undone, and she can see that I’m wearing Carter’s shirt.

  I clutch my robe tightly and wrap it around me, but I’m obviously not quick enough, because Kate stares at me, the edges of her lips tipped up in amusement. She glances at Carter and grins before looking down at her feet.

  “Good morning, Emilia,” Helen says.

  I smile tightly and glance at the stairs, wondering whether I should just make a run for it. Carter looks tense, and he looks worried. I might not want to spend any time with either Helen or Kate, but I do want to spend time with Carter, and I don’t want him worrying about me.

  “Good morning,” I murmur, trying my best to smile at her.

  Helen looks relieved, and her smile widens. She holds up a grocery bag excitedly, and my heart aches. When is the last time she smiled at me that way? Most of my memories are tinged with heartache. The last couple of months I spent here overshadow the years of good memories we have.

  “I thought I might make some pancakes,” she says carefully, and I can’t help but wonder if she chose to make that because they’re my favorite.

  I glance at Carter to find him staring up at me nervously, as though he thinks I might run. He looks even more hurt than I feel, and I smile at him before turning back to Helen. I nod at her and walk into the kitchen. “Pancakes sound nice,” I say, even though I really want to go back to my room.

  Chapter 44

  Emilia

  Carter looks anxious as he follows me into the kitchen and I smile to myself. A couple of minutes of being polite to Helen and Kate is pretty much nothing if that’s what it takes to make him smile. He’s been amazing since I got here, and I’ve yet to pay him back for all he does.

  He walks up to me, his eyes roaming over my body. I place my hand on his chest and lean back against the counter. “Shouldn’t you get dressed?” I ask. He blinks and looks down, as though he’s only just realizing that he’s wearing far less than I am.

  He looks into my eyes as though he’s searching for something. “Will you be okay?” He asks. My smile falters and I nod. I hate that Carter thinks that I still need protection. I’m embarrassed of the person I used to be, of the girl that couldn’t stand up for herself.

  Carter nods and walks away, leaving me in the kitchen with Helen and Kate. I turn around and sigh. Maybe I should have gone up to my room instead. I lean back as I look at the two of them, my arms crossed over each other.

  Both of them look older, and I can’t help but wonder what the last couple of years have been like for them. Were they happy while I tried my best to get through every single day, feeling broken and incomplete? Did the pieces I gave up of myself make Kate whole again? Was it all worth it in the end?

  I want to be better than this, but I’m filled with resentment. Being back here made me realize just how much I’ve been missing out on in life. I forgot it was even possible for me to be this happy. I forgot what being with Carter was like. I forgot what it was like to be myself — fully, truly. Can I even go back from here? Can I go back to a life that felt bleak in contrast?

  I watch the mother-daughter duo, my heart aching. Is it possible to both love and hate someone at the same time? They’ve both broken my heart in different ways, yet standing here with them soothes my soul. It reminds me of some of the most precious moments in my life.

  Kate carefully spreads Nutella over a pancake before sprinkling some coarse sugar over it. She rolls it up carefully and then pushes the plate my way, her hands trembling. I look up at her in surprise and blink in disbelief. I can’t believe that she still remembers that this is my favorite.

  “Did you poison it somehow?” I ask, unable to help myself. Kate looks stricken, but I don’t have it in me to feel bad. I wouldn’t actually put it past her to do just that.

  “I… No… Do you — do you want me to try this first?”

  I look at her through narrowed eyes. She looks so meek, so innocent. Since it’s Kate, I can’t tell if it’s all just an act or not. I never could.

  Helen looks shocked, and I wonder if she’ll try to defend Kate or criticize me. Much to my surprise, she does neither. She pulls my plate towards her and smiles nervously. “This looks nice,” she says, and she takes a bite, startling me.

  Kate looks up and her mum gratefully and I grit my teeth. are they just trying to make me look horrible? If so, they’re definitely succeeding.

  Kate looks up at me nervously, and I barely even recognize her. “Actually, Emilia… I… I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you,” she says.

  I shake my head and cross my arms over each other. “Oh, don’t be,” I tell her. “I much prefer it that way. Had it been up to me, I would have left both of you standing in front of the front door.”

  I smile at Helen humorlessly. “But as I’m sure you would remind me, Helen,” I say. “This isn’t my home. It’s Carter’s.”

  Kate swallows hard as her eyes fill with tears and I look away in annoyance. Carter walks in just as a tear drops down he
r cheek and I laugh. “Perfect timing, as always,” I murmur, my heart filled with hatred.

  “What happened?” He asks cautiously, his eyes moving from me to Kate. I glance up at him, my heart breaking. One night… We’ve had one night together. One night, untainted by memories of the past or the reality we’re facing. I should have known it could never last.

  “I made your sister cry,” I tell him, feeling lost. I know it won’t matter what I do or say. Kate’s tears will speak louder than any words I can utter. I shake my head and move to walk past him. Carter grabs my wrist and stops me. He pulls me towards him and wraps his arm around me protectively.

  He looks at Kate through narrowed eyes and tightens his grip on me. “What did you do?” he asks Kate. She looks at him with wide eyes and shakes her head, and I sigh. I pull away from Carter as more tears drop down Kate’s cheeks.

  “I want no part of this,” I tell him, before glancing at Kate. I don’t even have it in me to apologize to her. I knew I should have just gone to my bedroom instead. Kate wipes away her tears furiously and shakes her head at Carter.

  “She didn’t do anything,” she tells him, and I roll my eyes. I have neither the time nor the patience for this type of theatrics. I don’t want to get involved at all. I regret speaking to her, I should have just shut up and eaten the pancake.

  “Emilia,” Kate says, and I shake my head as I walk away. I’m not playing this game. Not ever again.

  I breathe a sigh of relief when my bedroom door closes behind me. I collapse on top of my bed and check the clock. Dad should be waking up soon. He’s the one I should be focusing on, and no one else.

  I sit up in surprise when my door opens and Carter walks in, a worried expression on his face. “Hey,” he murmurs. He climbs into my bed and I frown at him.

  “What are you doing?” I ask, confused.

  He smiles and pulls me closer, wrapping his arms around me. “Didn’t we say that we were going back to bed?”

  “What about your mom and your sister?”

  Carter’s smile drops and he looks away. “I asked them to leave. I never should have let them in at all.”

  I shake my head and look into his eyes. He looks unhappy and worried, and I know I’m the cause of it. “Don’t, Carter,” I say, my voice soft. “Don’t alienate your family on my behalf.”

  I pull away from him to look at him, and my heart twists painfully. “My time here is limited. I have no intention of staying. Whatever might be happening between us is temporary. You know that as well as I do. Maybe we shouldn’t even have let it happen at all.”

  Carter drops his forehead to mine and inhales deeply. He threads his hand through my hair, his movements frantic. “You’re crazy if you think I’ll ever let you go again.”

  I hug him and rest my head on his shoulder, my lips nestled against his neck. “You have to. What would a relationship for us even look like? More of what happened just now? I don’t want that. I don’t ever want to go through that again. I can’t. Besides, my entire life is in London. My entire career is there. You and I… I don’t know what this is, but I know it can’t last.”

  Chapter 45

  Carter

  Emilia was acting distant all day yesterday, and I regret inviting my mother and sister in. It’s obvious that Emilia hates being around them, and I want her to feel at home here. I want her to consider my home hers.

  I walk into the kitchen to find it empty and sigh. I was hoping that she’d be here, that she’d share a cup of coffee with me, if nothing else. I turn the coffee machine on, hoping she might come down soon, but she doesn’t. I stare at the coffee cup that I’ve been using for years, every memory with Emilia still fresh in my mind. Am I being selfish by pursuing her again? I still remember the way she lost her spirit day by day, the way she’d cry herself to sleep, the way she’d bite down on her lip hard enough to draw blood when Kate’s words wounded her. What am I doing, reminding her of everything she went through?

  She’s here for her dad. There’s a reason I didn’t go after her, and there’s a reason she hasn’t returned in years. Emilia deserves better than me. She deserves to have everything she’s ever wanted, and I can’t give her that. I can’t ask her to live a life where she’s forced to endure my family, and I can’t abandon them either. She’s right. Whatever there is between us is temporary, but is even that asking for too much?

  My heart starts to race when I hear sounds coming from the hallway, and I turn, a smile on my face. John walks in, and my smile crumbles.

  He looks at me with raised brows and then smiles. “Expecting someone else?”

  I look at him through narrowed eyes and then look away. “No. Of course not.”

  He chuckles as he fills the kettle to make himself a cup of tea. “Emilia is usually already up by now,” he says. “I thought she’d be down by now.”

  I sigh and nod. “Me too,” I murmur without thinking.

  John grins and crosses his arms over each other. “So, what’s going on between you two?”

  I shake my head and look down, unable to look him in the eye. This crazy old man would probably gut me if he knew what I did to his daughter just a few nights ago. “Nothing.”

  He smiles conspiratorially and I tense. “I’m not blind, son. I was your age once, you know? You’re lucky that I like you, because the way you look at my daughter sometimes can only be described as indecent.”

  My eyes widen and I suppress a smile. “Indecent, huh?” I repeat, shaking my head. I thought I’d been quite sly, but I guess not. Then again, I’ve never been able to hide my feelings for Emilia.

  “So, what’s going on? You two dating?”

  I run a hand through my hair and look at him, feeling oddly nervous. “Would you be okay with that? She just came out of a relationship, and she’s said multiple times that she has no intention of staying here.”

  John grabs his tea cup and sits down on the chair by the kitchen counter, his expression troubled. “I know my little girl, and I haven’t seen her look truly happy in years — not until she came back home. She belongs here, and she’s happy here. She’s just stuck in the past because she’s been running away from it for so long. I thought all she needed was a bit of time. I never expected her to stay in London. She’s been running from the pain for so long that she’s never had a chance to overcome it.”

  I sigh and shake my head. “I don’t know, John. You should see her when she’s around Mom and Kate. I don’t want that for her. Surely you don’t either?”

  John nods in understanding. “I don’t ever want to see my daughter in pain, and it took me years to forgive your mother. But Carter, I know Helen and Kate love her. I can see the regret in Kate’s eyes, and the guilt she lives with. Everyone involved has been hurting for too long. Enough is enough.”

  He pauses and then looks up at me. “You too, Carter. It’s always been obvious to me that you love my daughter. I knew before you even did. I’ve also always known that she loves you just as much, and she still does. Even now she’s happy when she’s with you. I can see it in her eyes, in her smile. And you? I’ve seen you throughout the years. I know you never got over her. How about you two stop being knuckleheads and just choose happiness? It’s right there, Carter.”

  I smile sadly and inhale deeply. Has he known all along? Is that why he’s kept an eye on me throughout the years? “It’s not that simple. She won’t forgive Mom and Kate. You weren’t there to see her fall apart. I’m grateful you didn’t have to see that, but you wouldn’t be saying any of this if you did.”

  John takes a sip of his tea and smiles. “Do you think I’d ever forgive either your mother or sister if I thought they didn’t deserve it? My daughter means the world to me, and I’d keep her far away from you and your family if I, for even a single second, thought she’d be mistreated. You’d be stupid to let her go again, Carter. You’re many things, but you’re not stupid.”

  I’m surprised that he seems to want us together, and it revives the hope I str
uggle to hold on to. Could she and I really make it?

  “Do you love her, son?”

  I look into his eyes and nod. “More than life itself.”

  John nods in satisfaction and smiles. “Then don’t let her get away this time. I promise you, she’ll forgive your mother and sister. I know my daughter. I know her heart,” he says. “And I’d like to think that I know both your mother and sister quite well too. They love her, and if Emilia didn’t still love them too, she wouldn’t be acting the way she is. She needs time to heal, but she’ll get there.”

  I want to hope so, but hope is in short supply for me these days. “Maybe she will. Maybe she won’t. It needs to be up to her. I can’t just assume she will, and I need to be okay with it if she doesn’t. I’ll respect her choices either way.”

  “But will you? Will you be okay with it if she leaves? I don’t want to see either of you unhappy, Carter. Life is fragile. Trust me, I’ve learned that the hard way.”

  He sighs and shakes his head. “You know, I always knew you’d be the one that’d take my daughter away from me. It’s why I was so upset when you two finally started dating. I was never worried about any other boys, but you? I knew you’d be the one for her. I knew you’d be the only man she’d love more than she loves me. And she still does, Carter. She still loves you. So don’t fear the future.”

  John smiles at me reassuringly as he rises from his seat. I’m lost in thought as he puts his cup in the sink and walks away.

  His words echo in my head for the rest of the day, and I can’t figure out what the right thing to do is. I want her, but more than that, I want her to be happy. If I can’t be the one to make her happy, then I need to take a step back. I can’t set us on a path to destruction again. I can’t be the reason she cries herself to sleep ever again.

  Chapter 46

  Emilia

  I feel conflicted. Is it possible for your heart to feel broken, but to feel more alive than you have in years? That's how I feel. Waking up with Carter a few days ago was everything I've been dreaming of for the last couple of years. Being with him again was surreal – it was like we were never apart. The way he makes me feel and the way he touched me... It was perfection.