Heart and Soul

by Erica Penrod

  “Go ahead and start warming him up. Walk him around a couple times and then trot him, like we practiced last time.”

  I nodded and exhaled. Halle as a friend might be the answer here, and I was surprised at how the tension in my body relaxed.

  Halle rode up beside me. “You really are a quick learner. The best student I’ve had.” She winked at me, kissed to Fancy, and took off in a canter.

  Great. I drew in a breath. I’d figured out the friend thing, but now I had to convince my heart not to skip every time she looked at me like that.

  11

  Abbie

  “I think the dream was more than she let on—so much more.” I put the pan in the oven, set the hot pads on the counter, and turned to Caleb. “You should’ve seen her face.”

  The moment I saw the photo of Laney and understood that she was Jess’s soulmate, I’d done nothing but think about the dreams from so long ago and how they’d changed my life. I hated to admit it, but I hadn’t thought about them until recently, with Nikki moving back. Maybe that was because they served their purpose. My soulmate sat at the table and still took my breath away when I looked at him.

  Caleb shrugged his shoulders. “Well, I don’t know what the answer is. We don’t know for sure what she saw, or if the dream really was like what you and I experienced.”

  “I know.” I pulled out the chair beside him and sat down. “But what if it was? Those dreams come for a reason, like with us and Travis and Nikki.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “And I didn’t tell you that night at Nikki and Travis’s because I wanted to be sure, but when I saw that picture of Laney all grown up, I knew she was Jess’s soulmate. The one I saw him in the dream with.”

  Caleb reached out and covered my hand with his. His touch, still everything I ever I craved, calmed me. “I know she is.”

  “What?” He hadn’t been with Halle and me when we saw the picture, but maybe he saw the photograph earlier. “Did you see the picture?”

  “I didn’t need to.” He studied my eyes and his voice lowered. “I’ve known who she was since Maddie and Luke’s wedding.”

  The air left my lungs and I searched his familiar grey eyes for an explanation. Maddie was one of my best friends and Nikki and I were bridesmaids at her wedding. “But how? I don’t understand. Travis and Nikki weren’t even married then.” Caleb and I talked about his vision of Jess and the dark-haired girl with him, the same girl I’d dreamt of, but he hadn’t mentioned anything about Jess’s soulmate being Travis and Nikki’s daughter. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

  “Because.” His lips eased into a soft smile, anchored on each end by his dimples. “At the wedding, everything happened so fast. I saw Jess and the girl and wondered who she was. Jess seemed to read my mind and glanced at Nikki and Travis. I saw the resemblance and understood, but as time went on, I kind of doubted myself.”

  “Okay, but still, why didn’t you say anything?”

  “I had to be certain, so I decided to wait and see what happened. Travis and Nikki had the twins, and when Laney got a little older, I saw the same blue eyes as I’d seen all those years ago, just a younger version.” His eyes clouded over. “Jess died so young …”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat. “You worried that the same thing would happen to Laney?”

  “I tried not to.” He shrugged his shoulders and bit the corner of his lip. “I didn’t want you to worry too. God knows what He’s doing, and I had to trust in that.”

  “But she died.” Tears filled my eyes. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I knew that beautiful little girl I used to know, with long brown pigtails and a face covered in Popsicle, was Jess’s soulmate. Caleb was right to keep this from me. “Do you think we should tell Nikki and Travis?”

  “I’m not sure. I think so, but let’s take a little bit of time to sort out what we’d say.”

  “Okay.” I lay my head on his shoulder and let the love between us soothe my aching heart. My dreams brought me Caleb and healed my broken heart, but what about Laney? Halle dreamt of Laney, but why? Laney was gone, and she was with Jess, so I didn’t understand why she’d appear in my daughter’s dream. There had to be something else, another reason, unless Halle’s dream wasn’t like what Caleb and I had gone through and there was nothing to worry about. But if I was right, which I believed I was, I thought an angel, maybe a guardian angel, intervened in my daughter’s life—and I wanted to know why.

  12

  Halle

  I thought about Landon, but I didn’t want to. And worse, I thought about him even more because of Gracie. She’s like a sunflower in a field of clover: catches your eye and makes you smile. She follows the sun and you want to be beside her to feel the rays on your face. So I’m not sure why when Landon’s tough-guy exterior melted a little more every time I saw him, I was surprised.

  Gracie’s been my best friend since the third grade, and I wanted to be the girl that puts her friend’s feelings above her own. I don’t want to wish that Landon might wake up one day and become the boy in my dreams. But I liked the way he smiled when she tripped in the hallway and he held a hand out to catch her, and the way he laughed at her knock-knock jokes. And there’s something about him that looks more like my Landon every day that hurts my heart, no matter how wrong that might be.

  “Halle, I forgot to get ketchup. Will you run back in and grab a bottle?” My Grandma Dawson, my mom’s mother, handed me a couple dollar bills from her wallet outside the market. “I’ll start unloading these.”

  “Sure.” I looked at the cart full of groceries and hoped to be back before she’d done all the work herself. Not that my grandma’s not capable, because she is. She’s in great shape and has a beautiful head of blonde hair, which my mom’s still upset over not inheriting. But I want to help her, because packing groceries isn’t much fun. “Any kind?”

  “Yeah. We can’t have a hot dog roast without the ketchup.” Grandma smiled, and tiny lines appeared at the corners of her eyes.

  “Nope, we can’t.” I grinned and took off towards the sliding doors.

  On Saturday morning, the store was crowded. I skirted down the aisle, grabbed the condiment like I was a running back, but instead of a football, I had a bottle of ketchup tucked in my hands. I scored and found an open register.

  I hurried outside, took one look at my grandma’s car, and stopped in my tracks. My grandma laughed as Landon took the bags from her cart and loaded them into the hatchback. What was he doing? My heart sped up to an unacceptable rate and my throat went dry. False hope was a cruel instigator, probing my mind into thinking there may be a chance. This was so much easier when Landon acted like an egotistical teenage guy and the only similarity between him and the guy in my dreams was their looks—oh, and that little ripple that ran up and down my skin when he looked at me.

  “Hey.” I stuck the ketchup bottle in a bag with some other items. “What’s going on?”

  “Landon was on his way in and saw me. He was nice enough to help me unload the cart while we visited.”

  “Oh.” I brushed a piece of hair behind my ear and felt the heat rising in my face beneath the weight of Landon’s gaze. Once again, I was struck by the black onyx of his eyes and how easy I became lost in their depth. But today there was a glow of sunlight reflected back at me, like a spotlight on a dark stage. “I didn’t know.” I swallowed, trying to moisten my mouth and glance between my grandma and Landon. “That you knew each other.”

  “We’re old friends.” Grandma chuckled. “Aren’t we, Landon?”

  “Yeah.” He nodded. “We are.”

  I waited for a further explanation, and when neither one offered, I felt like a kid not invited in a playhouse club. “So how do you two know each other?”

  “I went to visit your mother at the library one day and he came in. Of course, I knew Landon as a child before they moved, and really, there wasn’t much need for an introduction.” Her mouth curved into a smile. “One look at him and I knew who he belon
ged to.”

  A blush of pink tinted Landon’s cheeks as he placed the case of bottled water in the corner.

  I looked at him and drew my brow together. “What were you doing in the library?” My words sounded more like an insult than a curiosity, in part because my mom didn’t say anything about him coming in. Not that I should be angry, but for some reason I was troubled by this news, and I saw the muscle in Landon’s jaw flex. “That didn’t come out right,” I backtracked. “I just meant I wondered what you were doing there.”

  “Believe it or not, I like to read.” A line appeared between his brows and the sunlight in his eyes was replaced by a shadow.

  “Oh, I didn’t know that about you.”

  “Well, you don’t know me that well.” Landon closed the door and reached for the cart. The tension between us was as thick as a rope. And he was right. I’d judged him so quickly the day I met him, and after that, I constantly compared him to my dream. I’d never really considered him as anyone else.

  Grandma reached out and put her arm around me. “Landon, if you’re not busy tonight, we’d love to have you join us for our hot dog roast. Nothing fancy.”

  Landon gave me a sideways glance, as if he expected me to interject. “I don’t want to intrude.”

  “Nonsense.” Grandma waved her free arm in the air. “We could always use another handsome young man around our place.” She squeezed me to her side. “Couldn’t we, Halle?”

  “Um … yeah, sure.” I looked down at the crack in the asphalt.

  “Okay.” Landon waved his bangs back into place. “Would it be okay if I brought Gracie?”

  A pang of regret mixed with relief stitched in my side, and I wondered why he would want to come hang out with my family when he already plans. No, this was good. Gracie was good for Landon, and I had to see them as a couple and not as my best friend and a boy I wanted to pretend was someone else.

  “I love Gracie. Of course, that would be wonderful.” Grandma let go of me and reached for the keys in her purse. “But I have to warn you. Halle’s uncles are coming in from Boise and they can be quite the handful.”

  I liked the way she referred to my grown uncles like they were still mischievous little boys. Cole was twenty-seven and Kace was twenty-five, and they were both bachelors. Grandma said they were too busy goofing around to settle down and get married.

  “No problem.” Landon pulled his phone from his pocket. “What time, and can I get your address?”

  I scanned him up and down, searching for any hint of insincerity. This didn’t make sense. I knew my grandma was a hard lady to say no to, but why would Landon want to use our family dinner as a date with Gracie?

  “6:00, and the address is 238 east 400 south.”

  Landon tapped the numbers in on his screen. “Okay, cool. We’ll see you then. Can I bring anything?”

  “No, just you and your lovely date.” Grandma smiled, and I ignored the little green monster whispering in my ear. I had to get myself together. Just because Landon was turning out to be an okay person didn’t meant that he’d ever morph into who I wanted him to be. And Gracie was happy, and that’s what mattered most.

  13

  Landon

  I wasn’t sure why I agreed to go the Dawsons’ home in the first place. Maybe I couldn’t say no to Halle’s grandma, because she was nice and her eyes reminded me of Halle, or maybe I knew Gracie would like to hang out there. Or maybe the truth was that I wanted to be around Halle.

  At first, I thought the more time I spent around her, I’d see Halle as a friend and not as the dream girl. But the more I got to know her, the more I realized she was so much like the girl I’d held in my arms. The only difference between the Halle I knew in the daylight and the girl who’d stolen my heart with a kiss was that this Halle didn’t like me much at all.

  A black Toyota Tacoma was parked next to Halle’s truck when Gracie and I got to the Dawsons’. Gracie knew the way, so we got here a little quicker than I’d anticipated, a few minutes before six. I didn’t want to seem overeager to be here, but Gracie cracked a joke and I forgot to be worried. She’d messed up the punch line the first time and scrunched up her freckled nose, which had me laughing.

  The house was older, with vinyl siding and shutters, but well taken care of, and the yard was nice with bushes and flowers in the beds. There was a small front porch and a wooden fence that divided the front yard from the back.

  We stopped halfway up the walk and I noticed the latched gate. “Should we just go out that way?”

  “Sure.” Gracie led the way and lifted the handle. I had my arms full of a large pink box of sugar cookies made by a specialty shop on Main Street—Gracie’s idea. She pushed the gate and we walked past the side of the house, following the steady hum of voices. We rounded the corner and the yard opened to a patio near the back door, with a rocked fire pit and benches just west of a cement pad. A picnic table loaded with food was next to the house. Halle’s parents and a few people I didn’t recognize sat in lawn chairs gathered in a circle.

  “Hey, guys, glad you could make it.” Caleb stood up and met me at the table. I put the cookies down and shook his hand. “It’s good to see you again.” His grip was firm.

  “You too, sir.” I gave a slight smile as my hands began to sweat. He let go, and I stepped back beside Gracie and tried not to look for Halle.

  “And it’s always nice to see you, Gracie.” Caleb grinned. “Come meet everyone.”

  I wasn’t too shy of a guy, but standing there felt like I was under a microscope. I adjusted the collar of my shirt and drew back my shoulders. “Sure.”

  “This is Halle’s grandpa, Brad.” He pointed to the man at the far end.

  Her grandpa was bald on top with a short fringe of dark hair around the sides. His dark eyes reminded me of Abbie’s, and he had the same smile. “It’s nice to meet you.” He stood up and I met him in the middle. He shook my hand, then sat down.

  I followed Caleb’s direction to the two men on the other side. “And these two clowns are Halle’s uncles, Kace and Cole.”

  Both guys stood up. They were a lot younger than I imagined.

  “Hey, I’m Kace.” He was taller than me with a wide forehead and a strong square jaw. His brown hair was tucked behind his ears and his eyes were dark. He stretched out his hand and I noticed the size of his arms and chest. I made a mental note to never get on his bad side.

  “I’m Cole.” The next guy shook my hand. He wasn’t as tall as his brother, but just as muscled. His short blond hair was gelled in place and his face was clean shaven. Cole’s eyes were the same blue as Halle’s.

  “Nice to meet you.”

  The back door opened, and Halle stepped outside with a glass bowl of green salad. Her eyes met mine, and time stopped.

  “Hey, Hal,” Gracie piped up, breaking my trance.

  “Hi.” I quickly looked away and wiped my hands on my jeans.

  “Hey.” Halle placed the salad on the table. “Did they introduce you?” Her blue eyes quizzed mine.

  “Yeah.” I didn’t know how to look at her and not see the girl riding through my dreams on a horse.

  “Do you need any help?” Gracie saved me once more. I glanced at her, and regret stabbed me in the gut. She didn’t deserve this. I couldn’t think about Halle like I was and hold Gracie’s hand. I didn’t know what was going on with me; my conscience hadn’t bothered me before when it came to girls.

  “No, I think we’re good.” Halle walked over to her dad. “Do you want to get the fire going?”

  “Sure.”

  Cooler temperatures rode the coattails of the September sun still clinging to the dusky sky. The fire slowly climbed and we all took turns cooking our hot dogs. Halle’s grandpa told us a few stories about his kids when they were younger.

  “Then there was the time that Kace and Cole decided to paint the outside of the house for us.”

  “That was done out of love.” Kace placed a hand over his heart. “And you’re th
e one that left the can of paint out for a five- and a seven-year-old to find.”

  Cole chuckled. “So I guess you were as much to blame as we were.”

  Their dad gave them a lopsided grin and shook his head. “I can’t win with you two.”

  “It’s a good thing I was so perfect and didn’t wear you and Mom out before these two started acting up.” Abbie smiled and filled her mouth with salad, and Kace tossed a potato chip at her.

  Everyone laughed, and I smiled to myself even though my heart was breaking. This was my family, once upon a time, before the accident. I knew we’d changed when Laney left us, but until now I didn’t know how much, and now the loss felt insurmountable. I missed my family.

  “You okay?” Gracie touched my leg.

  I nodded, afraid to say anything. Her hazel eyes shone into mine and I wanted to stay there, where I didn’t have to hurt or worry about what I couldn’t change. I didn’t want to give her up and I liked who I was with her. I didn’t know if what I felt for Halle was just as imaginary as the dream, no matter what my heart wanted to believe, but the good feelings I had for Gracie—those were real.

  My fingers reached for hers and I held them tight. Beside Gracie was the safest place I’d been in a long time.

  Halle

  I closed the door and let the tears I’d held back all night fall down my face. My heart ached and the shame I felt was like pouring salt over a gaping wound. Landon and Gracie were so good together, and there I was, wishing it was my hand he was holding. Why did I have to have that stupid dream anyway? Everything would be fine if I hadn’t. I collapsed onto my bed, grateful my parents decided on a late movie, so they wouldn’t hear me cry myself to sleep. I closed my eyes and let the darkness engulf me … and then I opened them, to the place where this all began.