Impractical Magic

by M. J. O'Shea

  “Hey,” Kevin said softly, when they finally had turned all the lights off and slid into Fen’s bed.

  “Yeah?” Fen lifted his face to look at Kevin. His eyes were soft in the dark, sweet and intimate.

  “Don’t get sad, okay? This was amazing. It is amazing. Nothing sad here.”

  Fen tried not to make a face. “I know.”

  “Can I kiss you?”

  The question made him chuckle. “I don’t think you have to ask that question anymore.”

  “I wanted to.”

  Fen ducked his head in and kissed Kevin first. He didn’t want it to be one of the kisses that sucked him into a lust vortex, he wanted something soft and nice to begin with, something he could crawl his way out of, if his head wouldn’t let him be happy. Somehow Kevin worked his magic, though, and Fen’s head emptied of depressing last-night thoughts and was filled only with hot and sexy and “yes, please” as Kevin sank his tongue in slowly.

  “Fuck, I’m gonna miss your kisses,” Kevin muttered against his lips. “They’re so amazing.”

  “Shhh. Kiss me more.”

  Fen didn’t want to stop. He slid his thigh over Kevin’s hip and kissed some more. They touched and stripped down, but never stopped kissing. It was like he was afraid to stop, that if they stopped kissing, if they moved on, then it would be over. As long as he kept kissing Kevin and didn’t ask for more, the night wouldn’t end. Of course Fen knew that wasn’t true. So eventually he rolled Kevin on top of him and wrapped his legs around his waist. If this was it, if they drifted apart and never saw each other again, then Fen wanted it all. He wanted to feel Kevin inside him one more time.

  “Want you now,” Fen murmured.

  “I’m not done kissing you yet,” Kevin muttered against his lips.

  Fen made a desperate, keening noise. “C’mon. Fuck me.”

  “Jesus.” Kevin coughed. “Even after all these weeks that makes me lose it.”

  “So get inside me, already. I want to feel it for the next month.”

  Kevin reached over to the nightstand for the lube Fen had replaced only a week before. He clenched his jaw and didn’t think about how depressing that big bottle of lube and nobody to use it with would be come morning. Kevin slicked up his fingers.

  “I’m going to give you these first, ’kay? Think you can come more than once?”

  “Y-yeah.” Like that was ever a problem with Kevin in the room.

  Kevin worked him with his fingers, stretching him out, driving him insane like he always had. Fen was breathless in moments, arching his back and crying out a mind-bending orgasm within minutes.

  “How the hell do you do that?” Fen asked when he could finally breathe. Kevin still had his fingers inside, rubbing lightly on Fen’s oversensitive prostate.

  “Magic. Can I fuck you?”

  Fen would’ve laughed if he was physically capable of it. “Uh, yes. Please.”

  “’Kay. Let me know if you’re still too sensitive.”

  He dealt with the condom and lube and crawled between Fen’s thighs. Fen let his legs fall as far apart as he could. Kevin lined up and pushed until he was in.

  “Tell me how it feels,” Kevin muttered when he’d sunk all the way in. Fen was breathless and full and aching for more.

  “I love it,” he groaned. “I never knew how much I’d love it. I’m so full. It’s like I’ll feel you for days.”

  Kevin moaned into his neck. “I want you to feel this when I’m gone. Like I’m still inside you.”

  Fen didn’t want to come so quickly, not when there were hours left for him to revel in Kevin’s body. He grasped Kevin’s hips. Held him still.

  “You’ve gotta wait. I’m….”

  “You gonna come?”

  “Yeah. I don’t want to yet.”

  Kevin bit his neck. “Don’t worry. I’ll make you come again tonight. We’re not done. Not even close.”

  He drove into Fen again and again.

  The second time Fen came, he had his legs wrapped around Kevin’s hips, back arched, fists grabbing at the sheets. The third time, Kevin’s fingers were in him again, and Fen’s cock was buried deep in his throat. The last time it was nearly dawn, and Fen had Kevin’s legs wrapped around his waist as he cried out and emptied himself in Kevin’s body.

  They flopped apart, sweaty tired messes.

  “Talk about something to remember me by,” Kevin croaked. His voice was hoarse and fucked out and sexy. Fen shivered.

  “Don’t say it yet. It’s not even light out.”

  “I know, babe.” Kevin stood on wobbly legs and stumbled to Fen’s bathroom. He came back with a damp washcloth and wiped them both off. “C’mon. I have to get some sleep or I’ll pass out on the road tomorrow.” He crawled into the bed next to Fen and snuggled up behind him.

  Fen pulled Kevin’s arm around his waist and squeezed his eyes closed. He tried to sleep, but it was nearly impossible. Instead he watched his clock count down the hours until Kevin got in his Jeep and pulled out of Fen’s life.

  Chapter 11

  “THIS IS the last of it.” Kevin’s Jeep was all packed, his wallet was in the cup holder, his sunglasses were perched on his head. Fen’s throat grew thick and tight.

  You’re kidding me. Don’t cry. Don’t even think about crying.

  “You got everything?” Fen’s voice even sounded thick. He’d kind of expected this to suck, but not so much. Not even close.

  “Not everything.” Kevin came and wrapped his arms around Fen, hugging him close. Fen breathed in the soft Kevin-smell: sweet detergent and cologne and the warmth of his skin. He wanted to remember it. There were no guarantees he’d see Kevin again. No guarantees that Kevin would even want to see him again. “I’m gonna miss you a lot.”

  “Me too,” Fen mumbled into his neck. He rubbed his hands up and down Kevin’s soft shirt, like he could memorize the way it felt underneath his palms. “Okay, you gotta go before I make a fool of myself in front of all the neighbors. I have to live with these people.”

  Kevin chuckled, but his usual buoyant giggle was gone. The laugh was sad and a little deflated. “I don’t want to go.”

  “Everything will feel back to normal once you get home and your normal life is around you.” Fen was saying it for Kevin’s benefit, but for his own as well. Things weren’t going to feel normal when Kevin left. Not for a long time. If at all.

  “Well yeah, but normal isn’t you.”

  Damn. Right in the heart. Fen couldn’t take it. One part of him wanted to hold on to Kevin with everything he had, the other part needed to shove him in his truck and make a run for it before things got worse. “Okay, I lied. It won’t be normal for me either,” he mumbled. “C’mon, one more hug, then get in the car, or else I’m not letting you leave.”

  Kevin pulled him close again and squeezed. Then he kissed Fen, cupping his big warm hands on his jaw, brushed another small kiss on his forehead, and turned to get in his Jeep.

  “Call me when you get home, okay? Let me know you made it.” Fen swallowed hard.

  Kevin nodded. “Fuck, this sucks. Okay, leaving. I’ll call you when I get home.”

  Fen backed away and waved while Kevin started his Jeep and pulled out of their building’s small parking lot. Sure, he kinda wished Kevin would turn around and come back, but things didn’t work like that in the real world. Instead, Kevin’s Jeep disappeared around the corner like it had never been there in the first place.

  HE WAITED nearly five minutes, still and a bit stricken, until he could drag himself up to his apartment. Fen was cool, really, he was mostly okay until he sank down on his bed and smelled Kevin. The thought that he probably wasn’t ever going to do that again, well, it sucked. And he cried. He lay in his bed for a good half hour and cried.

  I miss him already….

  Fen knew that, summer fling or not, he wasn’t getting over Kevin any time soon.

  The worst part was early the next morning when Kevin texted him to say he’d reached home.
It felt so final. He got up, made himself breakfast and tea, and went on a long walk. He wanted to go to school and work in his classroom, but the building wasn’t open yet. Probably would’ve been a good idea to keep his job at Rory’s mom’s place a few days longer. He knew Jeremy and Delia were away for the weekend, and he didn’t want to bug Rory with his morose mood, so he sat on his couch and watched movie after movie, not paying attention to any of them. He looked at Kevin’s message about fifty times before he even replied. He wanted to say so many things—come back, I miss you, I hate how silent my place is without you here. He didn’t. It wouldn’t be fair. Instead, he finally hit the reply button and said:

  That’s great. I’m glad you had a safe trip:)

  He figured it was safer that way.

  THE END of summer was usually a fairly somber affair, filled with classroom setup, stuffy hot meetings, early mornings, and a renewed daily addiction to the coffee hut down the street. For the first time since he’d started teaching, Fen was relieved when the building opened the first day for setup. Instead of the usual feeling of impending doom and loss of freedom, he was grateful for something to do. He’d done a pretty good job of putting his lab away at the end of the school year, but he decided it was time to redecorate a little. Way better than sitting at home not watching movies. Apparently Rory had the same idea. The first day, they ran into each other in the copy room; the next three, they drove in together.

  “We’re so sad,” Rory said with a laugh when Fen picked him up the day of their staff meeting. “Everyone else will be straggling in smelling like their last margarita on Friday and we’ve been here all week.”

  “I know.” Fen said. “I just couldn’t sit at home all day. It felt so empty.” Which was weird. Kevin had usually only been around at night, other than his days off, but maybe it was the knowledge that nobody would be coming for dinner. His place would be just as empty at eight as it had been at five. It made him feel weird.

  “I’m not even going to see Ben until Thanksgiving, with the start of the school year and his schedule. It sucks.”

  Fen didn’t know if he’d ever see Kevin again, let alone not for a couple of months. He still missed him, days and days later, but their texts had been pretty sporadic—maybe one a day, some days not even that. There probably wasn’t much room for Fen in Kevin’s everyday life.

  THE FIRST staff meeting felt weird without Ben, even more than summer had. He’d had a kind of sinking apprehension about it. He couldn’t imagine how Rory felt. Fen met Rory and Jeremy at their usual table with a drink carrier full of welcome-back-to-work lattes, hugged Pinky and gave her a kiss on the cheek, and greeted the rest of his work friends. The annex staff, which was comprised of the science and arts teachers, tended to stick together. They didn’t mix with the teachers from the main building much. Fen was happy with the arrangement. He liked the science geeks and arty weirdos. He missed his arty weirdo, but he was trying to not notice how weird it was. That didn’t mean he stopped shooting glances at Rory every five seconds.

  The temporary art teacher was introduced at the beginning of the meeting, much like Rory had been the fall before, but with a hell of a lot less drama. Fen remembered Ben’s face when Rory had stood up in front of the staff, shock fading to happiness and then horror. He’d never seen anything like it on his laid-back best friend. It must’ve been intense. Everything about Ben and Rory seemed to be. The new teacher’s name was Laura Katherine Aston. She seemed nice enough—she had bleached blonde hair and dressed like a bit of a hippie, in a well-groomed way. Harmless, most likely. It didn’t matter. She wasn’t Ben. When she sat at their table after her introduction, everyone tried to make her feel welcome. Fen told a few dumb jokes, Rory gave her his movie-star smile, Pinky commiserated with her about being one of only three female teachers in the whole annex, and told her she’d get used to the testosterone bath. Laura Katherine, not just Laura, smiled shyly, waved her arm full of beaded bracelets, and contributed to the conversation when she could.

  “I THINK the new art teacher is sweet on our Fenny,” Pinky said later that night when the regulars went for dinner at Beaver’s.

  “Temporary,” Rory stressed. They’d told Laura Katherine earlier that she was the replacement for Rory’s boyfriend and Fen’s best friend. She looked suitably horrified until they told her that it had been Ben’s choice to take a year away. Fen’s first assessment so far seemed to be right. She was nice. Didn’t mean he wanted to hear about her having a crush on him.

  “No she isn’t,” Fen muttered, rolling his eyes. “Knock it the hell off, Pinky. Just ’cause Ben’s not here this year doesn’t mean I automatically get to be the victim of your matchmaker addiction.”

  Pinky wasn’t exactly one to be dissuaded. “She totally is into you. She even laughed at your dumb penguin joke.”

  “Rory laughed at my penguin joke last year.” Fen raised his eyebrows. “Does that mean he has the hots for me?”

  “Not the same thing. He was only laughing so he could pretend he wasn’t mentally undressing Ben and pouring hot burning pitch on him at the same time.”

  “Hey!” Rory looked up from his salad to glare at Pinky.

  “What? I’m right. Listen, I could ask her Monday, maybe hook you two up for dinner.”

  “Dating a teacher in the building is a bad idea.” Fen shot a glare at Rory. “Causes too much drama.”

  “Besides,” Jeremy said with a snort. “Fenny joined Ben and Rory’s team this summer. I’m not sure he’s ready to wander back over to our side of the field.”

  “Joined… wait, what?”

  Jeremy snickered. “Got himself a boyfriend.”

  “He’s not my boyfriend.”

  “What?” She repeated. Pinky’s eyes bugged out. She turned her significant powers of visual dissection on Fen. “Jeremy’s not bullshitting?”

  “No. He’s not my boyfriend, but there was someone.”

  “Was?”

  “Sort of is. I don’t know. It’s a long story.” One he didn’t know the ending of anyway. Even if he and Kevin still exchanged sporadic flirty texts, the meaning behind them was very unclear.

  “Why did none of you tell me?”

  “I believe Jeremy just did.” Fen took a long swallow of his beer. He probably needed it. Pinky was… good at asking questions.

  He’d been right. She interrogated him for a good twenty minutes after that. He answered questions—red-faced—that Rory and Jeremy probably didn’t want to know the answers to. Then she giggled over a few of the pictures Fen had of Kevin on his phone, and congratulated him on landing such a hottie. All in all, it wasn’t too bad, if the part where it reinforced that he’d not landed a damn thing didn’t keep making him feel like crap.

  “I still can’t believe you didn’t tell us, man,” Jeremy muttered.

  “What do you mean?” Pinky asked.

  Rory made a pfft sound. “They were together”—Fen raised his eyebrows— “or whatever it is you two were doing, all freaking summer before Fen told us. We hung out with the guy and didn’t even know they were….”

  “Doing each other?” Pinky never changed.

  “It was more than that.” Fen shook his head. “We got along amazingly well. He’s an awesome guy.”

  “He is,” Jeremy agreed. “Still can’t believe you didn’t tell us.”

  “When do I get to meet this amazing guy?”

  Fen shrugged. “Maybe never. He was just here for the summer. We text now and again, but like I said, I don’t know.” It didn’t feel over, but as far as distance and time were concerned, it was.

  “That’s too bad.” Pinky shrugged. “He’s totally adorable.”

  Ouch.

  THE FIRST day of school was, well, the first day of school. Never Fen’s favorite day of the year. His morning was filled with a flurry of new faces, syllabi, and the same questions he answered every fall without fail. The new kids always looked apprehensive when they got into his room. Physics wasn’t really scary, b
ut it always took him a while to convince the kids of that fact. Until then he had loads of unsure questions and lots of silence in the room. He loved watching the kids open up over the early weeks of the year, but the beginning was always painful.

  It was nice during passing period to get a wave from students he’d had the year before, and a commiserating look or two from Rory and even Laura Katherine, but it was exhausting. By the time he and the others made it to the annex staff lounge for lunch, they mostly just stared, dazed, at the wall.

  “I ALWAYS forget how tiring it is the first couple of days,” Rory murmured. He looked all droopy and worn out, just like Fen felt. Like maybe if he closed his eyes he could pass out right there in the rickety teachers’ lounge chairs and never wake up.

  “My throat hurts from talking,” Jeremy said.

  “My everything hurts. Can we have summer back?” Pinky yawned and put her head on her arms.

  Fen didn’t really answer, just looked at his salad and chips disinterestedly. He couldn’t wait to go home and pass out in his bed. Even if his bed was cold and he was alone, he’d take it and be damn happy he had it.

  His phone buzzed in his pocket.

  Hope you’re having a good first day :))

  The text was followed by a string of cute little apple emojis. Of course. Fen smiled.

  “Who’s that?” Pinky asked.

  “Your mom.”

  “I thought you and Kevin weren’t really talking much anymore.”

  “Since when is Kevin your mom?”

  Pinky stuck out her tongue at him. “I know your faces. I haven’t seen that one before, and you’re all cutesy-face smirking, which means it’s him.”

  “You are so freaking nosy. And if you must know, yes, it was him, no, we haven’t been talking much, and he was just wishing me a nice first day of school.”

  “Aww, that’s so adorable.” Pinky made huge smoochy kisses at him and he swatted her arm with the straw he was about to poke into his apple juice.