Impractical Magic

by M. J. O'Shea

  To be honest, Fen was surprised Kevin had remembered the day. Right then, the door cracked open. It was Laura Katherine. She looked timid and a bit nervous and worn out like the rest of them.

  “Um, hi everyone. Is there an extra seat?”

  Their little group shuffled around and made room for the new teacher. Even though she wasn’t Ben, and they all knew it, they didn’t want to be assholes. Fen and Rory exchanged a look. The two of them would have to try the hardest to make her feel like she wasn’t an outcast. Especially after they’d made it clear that Ben was their favorite person in the universe without meaning to.

  “How was your morning?” Fen asked. He made sure to smile and look friendly, even if it was tempered with exhaustion.

  Laura Katherine smiled shyly. “It wasn’t bad. I think the advanced students were a little mad to see me and not their usual teacher. They didn’t seem very enthusiastic about the plans for this year.” Of course the year Ben left was also the year they’d expanded from one advanced class to two. Kids who’d thought they were getting Ben when they’d applied in early spring, before he got his fellowship and decided to ditch them all. They were probably as bitter about it as Rory and Fen were.

  “They all knew in the spring that he was leaving. Don’t let them get away with being jerks.”

  “Yeah, I figured it would take some time for them to warm up to me.” She gave Fen another shy smile.

  Pinky kneed him under the table. If he could’ve gotten away with it without being totally obvious, he’d have kicked her back. Instead he whispered furiously when they were leaving the staff lounge at the end of lunch.

  “Knock it off. I’m just being nice.”

  “Yeah. Pretty sure she thinks that too.”

  “I’m sure she does,” He said in a steely voice. “Drop it.”

  Pinky meant well, but she had a knack for stirring up trouble. Fen wanted nothing to do with that.

  HE WAS so ready to be home by the time he got there. Soon it would become routine and his body would get used to it again, but all Fen wanted to do was sit on his couch and stare at some dumb reality TV for a couple of hours before he dragged himself to bed. He couldn’t be happier that their district never had a full week to start with. If he had to do four more days of this, he’d probably keel over. When he pulled his phone out of his pocket to charge it, Fen remembered he’d never texted Kevin back earlier.

  Damn, I must be seriously exhausted. He never forgot about Kevin.

  School was SO long. I’m tired :( First week is always kind of torture. Thanks for texting, babe xoxo

  He might have sounded a bit flirtier at the end than he should, but he was tired, damn it. And just ’cause he never saw Kevin didn’t mean he couldn’t have a little fun.

  :( Sorry you’re tired. Bet you could use a massage.

  Oh, no. No, no, no. Not fair. Fen actually groaned out loud.

  How dare you say that when you know damn well you’re not going to follow through.

  He searched through his phone and added a few little pouty-faces. There. That’ll guilt him.

  I will eventually. Promise:)

  That was the first time either of them had hinted that they might be seeing each other again. Fen’s little racy heart moment didn’t let it pass unnoticed.

  I’ll hold you to it.

  He dragged himself to bed early. The sky was barely turning lavender with the setting sun, but he couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer. Fen set his alarm for buttcrack-way-early and flopped down against his pillow. Even though he was exhausted, it still didn’t feel right to be there on his own. He wondered when his bed would stop feeling cold and empty without Kevin-the-human-heater’s warm body sprawled next to him. It was getting a bit depressing.

  Chapter 12

  A FEW weeks later, Fen was in the middle of hauling several bags of groceries into his apartment when his phone rang. He struggled with the bags, sure he’d manage to drop the one with his eggs in it, because that was the way things went, and tried to get his phone out of his pocket. When he finally did, the ringer had stopped. He saw the call was from his mom.

  Fen felt a bit guilty. He’d been avoiding his mother for most of the summer, which probably felt really odd to her, especially because he’d been so needy at the beginning of it. But he didn’t know what to tell her, didn’t know how to talk about Kevin to her without his entire being announcing what Kevin had been to him. And if he left Kevin out, he didn’t know what to say to her at all. Kevin had taken over his entire existence all summer. If his mom had asked what he’d been up to, what else was he supposed to say?

  He’d managed to keep it from the guys until he was ready to tell them, but they were just the guys. They’d never be his mother. No matter how long he’d been gone from home, she still knew him better than they ever would.

  Fen supposed he couldn’t ignore her forever. At least he had the start of the school year to talk about.

  “Hey, what’s up?”

  “Oh, so you are alive,” she said. She didn’t sound particularly happy.

  Fen snorted. “Super original, Ma. Plus you knew Ben or one of the other boys would call you if something was actually wrong with me.”

  “How is Benjamin? He probably calls his mother.”

  “Weren’t you bitching earlier this summer about me calling too much?”

  “Language. And no I wasn’t, I was just concerned about you. Nothing about this conversation so far has made me any less concerned.”

  “I promise I’m fine, Mom.” Not actually, but he was doing a damn good job of pretending. “School starting’s keeping me really busy. My new crop of AP students are plowing through our work so fast, I have to make extra lessons to keep ahead.” All true. Not why he hadn’t called.

  “That doesn’t explain the radio silence for most of the summer.” Her voice dropped, suddenly all coy and heavy with innuendo. “Did you finally find something to, um, keep you occupied?”

  It was a good thing Fen hadn’t been drinking because he probably would’ve spit his drink out. He glanced over at the couch where, just weeks ago, he’d spent a long, hot, thirty minutes riding the hell out of Kevin before they collapsed on each other in a sweaty heap.

  “Yes. Occupied.” Too late he realized that in his stupidity he’d given her ammunition.

  “You’ll have to tell me about her.”

  “Oh, no, there was no girl. I was just busy with friends, you know, hanging out, playing sports and stuff. Going to the bar with the guys.”

  “You don’t go there too often, right?”

  Good lord. Sometimes he forgot just how tight-laced his family was. “Of course not.”

  “That’s good. I don’t like the idea of you hanging out there.”

  If he had a nice fifth of vodka, he’d be about ready to break into it, school night or not. Fen thought that probably wasn’t something he should share with her.

  “I don’t go that often. And when I do, it’s just to hang out with my friends.”

  “That’s good, darling.” He heard it in her voice. Hanging out with “his friends” wasn’t high on her happiness list either. His mother hadn’t ever quite understood his friends. Mostly she didn’t understand Ben, and she knew about Rory too—good lord, if she found out that Kevin was gay and they’d added another of “those boys” to the group…. There had always been the implication that the family thought Ben was a nice guy in general, but they didn’t understand why Fen hung out with him or even wanted to be friends with him. They’d always stopped short of saying anything judgmental, but there had been times where Fen’s mother had asked what they could possibly have in common. He’d let it go without comment before. He didn’t want to get into it again.

  “Hey, Ma. I have a bunch of groceries to unpack. Can I call you back?”

  “You don’t have to. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t dead on the side of the road somewhere.”

  “Not dead. Just busy.” He thought about telling his mo
ther to get Facebook like every other snooping parent, but then he decided against that. Bad idea. Bad.

  They said their good-byes and hung up. Fen went to work putting away his groceries. He’d bought an awful lot. It was still hard to get used to shopping for one after a whole summer of buying food for a very active twenty-three-year-old. He supposed he’d make a few snacks for the staff lounge. Someone other than him was going to have to eat all of it. He stared at his phone on the counter for a few minutes before he picked it up.

  My mom just called. Asked what had kept me so busy all summer. I looked at the couch and I swear the only thing I could think about was that night. Remember when we were watching Skyfall?

  It only took a few minutes before a message came back.

  I miss your couch :( You were so hot that night. Probably best not to tell mom about it though. There are things parents shouldn’t ever hear.

  Fen smirked.

  No freaking kidding. I’m making enchiladas.

  :((((((((( I want them! (I want you too)

  Fen gritted his teeth against the flash of heat that went through his body. It was palpable how much he wanted Kevin back in Chico and back in his arms. He sometimes wondered if it would be easier if they just went cold turkey, but the idea of dropping Kevin totally made him want to die. He’d be happy with the little contact they had. He had to be.

  SO, LAURA Katherine liked him. Pinky was right, as much as he wished she wasn’t. Fen had tried to avoid noticing for weeks. But she’d been getting more and more obvious about it since the night at the Fall Dance a few weeks ago when he’d danced with her—much to the twittering amusement of a few of the students. The dance was silly too, nothing slow or romantic, just a goofy dance contest with some of the students. He hadn’t meant anything by it. He probably shouldn’t have done it at all.

  The Monday after the dance, Laura Katherine had given him more bashful smiles than she usually did. She’d brought him brownies that week too, and a packed lunch in an actual mini picnic basket. Fen would’ve been able to brush it off if she’d done the same for Jeremy or Rory, but no. Just him. Rory and Jeremy, and of course Ben after Ro opened his big fat mouth, had given him no end of shit about it. She was cute and nice and it would be sweet and flattering if the whole thing didn’t make him really uncomfortable. Fen didn’t know whether she expected him to make a move or whether she was getting ready to make a move herself. Neither of those options sounded good. They worked together. And more importantly, he wasn’t interested in her.

  “H-HI, FEN.” Fen looked up from where he’d been going over a few papers at his desk. Laura Katherine fidgeted at his doorway. She looked like she might want something, but what did an art teacher need from him? It wasn’t like they could share supplies. He had a sinking feeling about what was coming.

  “Hey, what’s up?”

  “Hi, Fen. I, um, wanted to ask you something?”

  Fen stood and walked around to the other side of his desk so it didn’t feel quite so much like him fielding a question from a student. The waves of awkwardness made him want to get out of there, but he forced a friendly smile. “No problem. What can I help you with?”

  “Oh, it’s, um, not that. I just wanted to know if you were doing anything on Friday. I know it’s kind of early in the year and we don’t know each other all that well. I’d just, well, I’d like to.”

  Nice. Well, it was nice. She seemed like a sweet girl. And that was why there wasn’t a chance in hell Fen was going to say yes. “Hey, you know that’s nice. Maybe you can come out with all of us to Beaver’s sometime.”

  He hoped she took the bait and didn’t push it. He wasn’t quite that lucky.

  “I was hoping it could just be us. I know, it’s not a great idea to, um, date other teachers from work, but since I’m not going to be at this school long, I thought I’d ask.”

  Fen cringed inwardly. And said the first thing he could think of. “Um, I’m actually not single. I….” He cleared his throat. “I have a boyfriend. Kevin. He lives in San Diego right now.”

  Laura Katherine turned bright red. “Well, I feel nice and awkward. I clearly can’t pick that out.”

  Fen, for some reason, felt the need to explain. Probably because between the two of them, they could fill the entire building with waves of discomfort. “No, I date women too. Or I did. I’m just not single.” Oh, God. Shut up now. Just stop.

  “I get it.” She looked at the ground. “Can we forget I asked you and just be friends?”

  “I think friends would be nice,” Fen said. He did like her, and he felt bad. He just wanted the moment to be over. Any time would be great.

  “So, um, I’m just going to go and do some work in my classroom and leave you alone.”

  Laura Katherine waved stiffly and turned to escape back to the art room. Fen would’ve been happy to lock himself up in his lab for a good hour and not have to walk right past the damn art room to make copies of the next day’s lab worksheet. But he didn’t have a choice. He sighed and grabbed the original. If he walked a little faster than necessary by her doorway, well, who could blame him?

  RORY SNUCK up and elbowed Fen in the side when he was in the middle of making his copies. Fen jumped.

  “I heard that back there.” He snorted. “Look at you, Romeo.”

  Fen sighed. “Please don’t look at me. Talk about embarrassing.”

  “So, long-distance boyfriend, huh? You and Kevin?”

  “Not really,” he whispered. Fen looked out the door into the hall to make sure nobody was listening. “I mean, I kinda wish. But we’re not. I just didn’t want to be an asshole and that was the nicest way I could think of to say thanks, but no thanks. That way she doesn’t think there’s a chance.”

  “It’s also going to be pretty awkward if you ever do start dating someone other than Kevin. Like a woman.”

  The thought of that made Fen’s insides clench.

  “I don’t… I’m not….” He didn’t even know how to verbalize what he was feeling, that he didn’t want anyone but Kevin, that he didn’t think he was ever going to want anyone as much as he wanted Kevin.

  “I get it, man. I saw the way you guys looked at each other. Kinda familiar, ya know? It doesn’t matter if he wasn’t here very long. It can happen in one night.”

  “Yeah.” Fen was breathless. “Hey, I’m going to finish cleaning up my lab so I can take off. I’m bushed. I need my couch and a nap.”

  “I hear ya. Beaver’s tomorrow night?”

  “Sure.”

  Rory clapped him gently on the back and turned for his own lab, on the other side from the art room that should’ve been Ben’s. They both looked in at the same time. Fen knew what Rory was thinking. “I want him to come home too,” he said quietly.

  “Nine months.”

  Had a weird day….

  Fen didn’t know why he wanted to tell Kevin. More like he just wanted to connect with Kevin, have some contact after the embarrassing thing with Laura Katherine, and fuck, telling her that Kevin was his boyfriend. He just wanted…. He just wanted to talk.

  Uh oh. You ok? What happened?

  Kevin had gotten a lot quicker about answering him lately. Maybe that bit of distance after he’d first gotten home in August was enough to tell him he didn’t want it? Fen didn’t know, but he was happy to have more of Kevin for whatever reason.

  I’m ok. Teacher at school asked me out on a date. Super awkward. She’s in the room next to me. Have to see her every day.

  Fen wasn’t even sure why he was telling Kevin. It just felt wrong not to tell him somehow. He expected a text back, something saying it wasn’t a big deal, maybe even teasing him like the other guys had, whatever. He didn’t expect his phone to ring. Fen picked up quickly.

  “Uh, hello? Kev?”

  “Hi.”

  Just that one word after so many weeks made Fen’s body react like it always used to. “How come you called?”

  “’Cause I got annoyed that some chick asked you
on a date, and then I got annoyed at myself for being annoyed because I don’t have any right to, and then I pressed call, so here I am.”

  He sounded annoyed. Fen was a little surprised. “I didn’t mean to shove it in your face. I’m gonna say no. I said no already. We work together. I just, I don’t know. Wanted to tell you.”

  “That the only reason you’re going to say no? Because you work together?” It might have been the sharpest Fen had ever heard Kevin’s voice sound.

  “Are you jealous?”

  “Shut up.”

  Fen grinned. Hell, he couldn’t help it. His day went from awkward to good in a heartbeat. “Well, in that case, no it’s not. I’m not into her. I think you know who I’m into. Still.”

  There was a long pause and Fen thought maybe he’d said too much. It had been months since they’d spoken to each other. Kevin probably didn’t want to hear—

  “Yeah, me too. You sound so good. God, I missed your voice.”

  Oh. Well, then.

  “I missed your voice too.”

  “Are we going to get all soppy?” His voice had gone from annoyed to happy, to the Kevin-voice that Fen knew so well.

  “You were the one who called,” Fen reminded him.

  “I know. I got pissy. Fuck.”

  “Kevin?”

  “Yeah?” Kevin grumbled.

  “How was your day?”

  AND AFTER that, it was back to normal, back to their teasing, bantering, and laughing,—and it felt great. Fen wanted to talk to him forever. He wanted to see him too, see how his face opened up when he laughed and threw his head back, his big grin, those sleepy, long-lashed eyes. He’d been trying to talk himself out of just how much he missed Kevin. It hadn’t been working, apparently.

  They hung up nearly an hour later, teacher crush forgotten, and Fen feeling better than he had in weeks. He was exhausted, though. And he hadn’t exactly told Kevin he’d used him as a reason not to date her. So he had a long-distance boyfriend. That didn’t exist. It had seemed like something that would be stupid to even attempt back in the summer, but after two plus months, it started to seem like a better and better idea by the day. It wasn’t like he was missing Kevin any less. Fen squeezed his eyes shut and pressed on them. He needed to go to bed. That was the best solution for all of this. Too bad his bed still felt cold and empty when he was in there alone with only his memories of warm Kevin plastered up against his back. He was starting to wonder if he might have to buy a new bed.