Just Breathe Again

by C. A. Harms

  “It was a perfect image and nothing more. I saw the opportunity to capture something of beauty, and the photographer in me snapped it.”

  “And snapped it and snapped it again.” She grabbed the pile of photographs and began thumbing through them. “My God, you are obsessed.”

  “I am not.” I was the one who was pouting now. “He’s mysterious, and it shows in the photos. The best kind are those taken when people least expect them. The beauty, grace, and elegance are truly captured. I’ve always hated those images when people are posing. I like the freedom of the unknown.”

  “Or you want to crack away the shell that man has built around him.” The way she said this made me feel slightly embarrassed. Maybe I was some kind of creepy stalker. “I bet he’s got a lot of pent-up frustration. He reminds me of the kind of guy that likes to take charge in the bedroom.”

  How we got to that point was beyond me, but then again, it was Deanna I was sharing this moment with.

  “What do you say we get out of here?” She seemed to light up with my suggestion. “We could walk down to Sully’s and have a couple of drinks and some nachos.”

  “I’ll have the drinks.” She tossed the images onto the floor before her and stood without any further hesitation. “You can have the nachos.”

  Fifteen minutes later, we entered the old bar that had been in this town for as long as I could remember. It was the same bar where my father had played poker every Thursday night. For a Friday evening, it was fairly slow.

  I followed behind Deanna as she made her way to the bar, and as I climbed up onto the stool beside her, I paused. Just across the bar in the center of the room, with his head tilted down, staring into his half-empty glass, was Aaron. He looked a little lost in his own thoughts.

  “Bet you wish you had your camera so you could capture a little more of his beauty and grace.” I ignored Deanna as I sat on the stool and continued to watch him. It was times like this that made it hard for me not to want to help him, even though I wasn’t exactly sure what it was that troubled him. It was obviously something he held deep inside.

  “What can I get you pretty ladies tonight?” The sound of the bartender’s voice got my and Deanna’s attention. We each ordered a drink, Deanna a beer and me a vodka and cranberry. I also ordered Sully’s famous nachos, and when he asked me what size, I looked at Deanna. I wasn’t about to order a single serving and have her snagging more than half.

  “Make it a double order.” She smiled sweetly at me before bumping her shoulder to mine. “Fine, I’ll admit it. I had every intention of eating your food.”

  She acted as though I didn’t know her at all.

  Crazy girl.

  With a smile still on my face, I looked back toward Aaron and found that he was staring directly at me. There was a look on his face I couldn’t quite read. This man seemed to have so many different sides to him, and they came and went so fast. But through them all, he was still just as handsome and appealing, which was puzzling.

  I had no idea what it was that made me want to know him so badly. It was this uncontrollable urge, this maddening need.

  I smiled at him and offered a wave. All I received in return was a dismissive turn of his head as he looked off toward the televisions mounted all around the bar area.

  “He’s an asshole.” Deanna obviously noticed his reaction too, and I looked back at her quickly. She was still watching him with a scowl on her face, and I could almost imagine her calling him out in the middle of the bar for his actions. Frankly, though, he didn’t owe me anything.

  “I think it’s more than that.” I grabbed my drink, which the bartender placed before me, and took a sip.

  “Still always trying to find the good in everybody,” she mumbled, picking up her own drink and bringing it to her lips.

  I wanted to look back in his direction but fought the urge. “There’s a sadness about him,” I told her, focusing on the hands that held firmly to my drink instead. “He’s always so quiet, so distant, but on the few rare occasions when he’s seemed to let that shield of his slip, I’ve seen a different side. I think there’s something eating away at him. Some demon he’s fighting.”

  “You can’t fix everyone, Faith.”

  “I don’t want to fix him.” It was never about that. “Do you ever think that things on the outside may not be what they seem?”

  “So, what, the man that continues to give you mixed signals isn’t really playing a mean game of yo-yo with your mind?”

  Instead of answering her, I focused on my drink until the nachos come. When the dish was set down before us, I wasn’t really hungry anymore. I continued to look in Aaron’s direction, even though I knew I shouldn’t, but he continued to ignore my existence.

  With each drink, I grew a little more courageous. Deanna’s last comment played on replay in my mind, and I wondered if she was right.

  Does this man just like to play with a girl’s head?

  Was he the type of guy who got off on making a girl think he was interested then quickly dropped the floor out from beneath her?

  Surprise!

  “You are staring awfully hard,” Deanna tried to whisper near my ear. “Are you contemplating murder or molestation?”

  Tipsy laughter escaped me, and I shifted in my stool to look at her. “You said that so loud.”

  She shrugged. “I’m just saying, you’ve been staring at him for the last thirty minutes, and from the way your breathing continues to grow heavy, I would have to say that molesting him is what’s on your mind. But hey, I could be wrong.”

  We carried on for a few minutes, completely ignoring the fact that we were not alone before it dawned on me.

  Slowly, I turned my head, and my body grew rigid when I saw that, once again, those deep mysterious eyes were watching me.

  Chapter Eight

  Aaron

  I should have gotten up to leave the moment she entered the bar. I should have been man enough to walk away, but I couldn’t. I had been holding on to the same drink for the last two hours, slowly nursing the whiskey it contained.

  With every drink, I remembered the things Granny Rae had said to me less than a week ago, and I felt as though I was once again disappointing her.

  Promise me you’ll try.

  I wanted to be able to do just that, but I didn’t even know where to start.

  When my gaze locked on Faith’s, and she offered me that sweet smile of hers, I felt it deep in my gut, the jolt of electric energy that made my mind venture into an area it shouldn’t. I had noticed more than once the curves of her body, the perfect curve of her neck. I had imagined gripping her hips and pressing her body against a secure base as I explored her. But then, I felt foolish for thinking I could actually be enough.

  I was emotionally shut off. I knew I could never offer her the things a woman like her desired.

  I was attracted to her. From the moment she descended the stairs at Dirk’s home and threw that sass in her father’s direction, I had felt a pull toward her. But that was all it could be. It was all I could ever let it be.

  “Have I done something to offend you?” I paused with my drink halfway between the bar and my lips as I stared ahead at the television playing some weird reality series. Ignoring Faith from afar was no longer an option, considering she was now standing at my side. “Because I don’t seem to remember doing or saying anything that would give you a reason to be such an ass.”

  A grin tugged at the corner of my mouth from the attitude she was throwing at me. It would seem the shyness she normally conveyed in my presence was now long gone, and in its place was a woman with a purpose.

  “One minute you’re nice. Not hey, I wanna be your best friend kinda nice, but at least a friendly kind of nice.” I lift my drink to my lips to hide my smile. “Then the next, you’re all I don’t need your thanks, just go away annoying girl and leave me alone kinda rude. I would like to know if you are this way with everyone, or is it just me?”

  “I’m ju
st sitting here enjoying my drink, content with being alone,” I finally said, still not looking at her. “I never said you were annoying. I’m just the kinda guy who likes to be alone.”

  She laughed, though it was more of a sarcastic tone than a humorous one. I turned my head to look at her while I placed my drink back on the bar before me. It was watered down from the ice that had long ago melted, but I was having a difficult time finishing it off with the guilt I felt thinking of how Rae would feel if she knew I was here, trying to drown away my sorrows.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “It’s not funny. It’s actually pathetic.” Faith crossed her arms in front of her and her tits pushed up. I’m a guy, so yes, I noticed how full they were as they were now practically falling out of the top of her shirt.

  “Please tell me how you really feel,” I mumbled, bringing my gaze back to hers. Damn, this woman was a force.

  “No one likes to be alone.”

  “I do,” I countered. “I was actually enjoying myself before you decided to come over here and ream my ass.”

  “No, you were over here being all broody and aloof.” She lowered her arms and stepped a little closer. I could smell her sweet perfume, and for a split second, I thought of reaching out to pull her close so I could breathe her in better. The mere thought of my impulsive reaction surprised me. “I don’t expect you to carry on with me as if I’ve known you for years, but the decent thing to do is not be such as ass when a person says hello or offers a kind smile. You don’t like me? Fine. Though I’m not sure why, but—”

  “I have no reason to dislike you, Faith.”

  My interruption of her rant seemed to stump her.

  “I’m just a quiet guy,” I assured her. “I don’t hang out with friends, and generally, the only socializing I do is when I’m forced to. I know it’s hard for you to believe, but I do like being alone.”

  She leaned against the bar, staring at me as if she couldn’t believe what I was saying. I felt like I was being analyzed and dissected, and the idea that, somehow, she could see right through my bullshit triggered an unsettling feeling inside me.

  “I think you’re lying.” She said it so softly, I almost missed it. “I think there’s something you’re hiding, and instead of confiding in someone, you hide away and pretend you’re this version of yourself.” She waved her hand at me, and I grabbed her wrist, surprising us both.

  “So what are you saying?” I stood and stepped even closer to her. My body seemed massive compared to her petite frame. She was so small and frail compared to me, and suddenly, the aggravation I felt only seconds ago faded. This woman did not deserve my irritation. “Are you offering me your friendship, Faith?” I still held on firmly to her wrist, and my chest was only inches from her chin. Her head was tilted back as she looked up at me with a surprised look in her eyes. “You think I’m lying when I say I like being alone, so is that your way of saying you’d like to offer yourself as company?”

  “Well, I—” Her voice shook, and I found it sweet how she had fallen so quickly back into that shy role she’d played with me through our every encounter.

  Leaning in a fraction closer, I watched as her throat bobbed when she swallowed hard. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. I have no intentions of taking you home with me.” She looked hurt by my confession, but she had no idea it was meant to protect her, not hurt her. “You deserve a man who could give you so much more than I have to offer.”

  I released my hold on her and stepped back, grabbing my jacket off the barstool.

  When I turned back to face her, I found her watching my every move. “Next time I see you, I’ll do my best not to be broody or aloof.” I repeated her words with a smirk. “Or was it an ass?”

  “Ass,” she said quietly.

  “Have a good night, Faith,” I offered, looking over her shoulder toward her friend, who seemed to be enjoying the show. “Do me a favor and take a cab or call someone sober when you’re ready to head home.”

  She nodded her head.

  “I would hate for anything to happen to my new friend.” With that, I walked past her, making sure my arm brushed against hers as I passed by. I shouldn’t have allowed myself to like that feeling so much, but from the first moment I touched her, I felt a connection, and for a moment, I wanted to feel that again. At least before I walked away and refused to allow myself to ever touch her again.

  Chapter Nine

  Faith

  It had been five days since the scene at the bar. Five days since I had made a fool of myself with Aaron and went on a rambling drunken rampage where I proceeded to tell him that he was an ass, among other things. And five days since I had walked away feeling like such a fool for my actions.

  I’d woken up the next day next to Deanna in her tiny-ass apartment above the laundry mat and groaned as I grabbed my head. The throbbing pain hit me hard, then flashbacks of the night came back slowly.

  The way he held my wrist, the closeness of his body to mine just before he shot me down. Though I don’t truly remember offering myself to him, but then again, who the hell knew? I had been a hot mess, and now I was mortified.

  I’d been avoiding him. Avoiding the shop and home in general. I waited until I saw him pull into the driveway and disappear inside the shop before I snuck out and drove into town. Then, on the way home, I took the long way around, the one that took me alongside the small house I now knew was his, and when I saw his car in the driveway, I would hurry home to tuck myself away safely.

  But today, I knew there was nowhere to hide. Especially since both Aaron and Walt were here at my studio, installing the rest of my cabinets in my darkroom and office. It was going to take hours.

  I thought of leaving, but I had an appointment to meet with the bride of the upcoming wedding to go over all the packages I offered and what specifics she was hoping for.

  So, I was stuck.

  “This place is really coming together.” I looked up from the reception desk where I sat and saw Walt standing nearby. “I bet Rae would love to see what you’ve done with the place.”

  “She should stop by.” I still wasn’t sure who this Rae woman was to Aaron, but I knew there was a deep connection. “I’d loved to show her around.”

  Walt seemed pleased with my offer. “I’ll pass along the invite.” He gave me a smile just before walking toward the front door.

  “Are you all done for the day?”

  “Oh, no.” Pausing, he looked back at me over his shoulder. “I have a few deliveries to make. My boss is a slave driver.” He offered me a wink, and I couldn’t help but smile in return at this man I barely knew. He truly seemed harmless. “Then I need to stop by the shop and grab the brackets for all your upper cabinets. Aaron forgot them on the counter when we left the shop to come here. I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”

  My heart rate spiked, and I looked back toward the hall, which led to the office and other rooms in the back.

  “Aaron is working on installing the lower cabinets in both rooms, so by the time I get back, we should be good to put in the uppers.” Walt offered a wave, then he was gone. And I was alone with Aaron. Alone with the man that I had vowed only days ago to avoid at all cost.

  I had given Deanna the day off because there was really nothing for her to do yet, and now, I regretted it. She was obnoxious, but if she were here, she could at least be a buffer.

  The sound of the drill running echoed down the hallways, and the tension inside me grew every single time it stopped. At least when it was running, I knew I was safe. He was busy and wouldn’t be coming in this direction.

  I sifted through some of my past bridal images and tried to ensure the portfolio was organized. I had one for each type of shoot, but this one had always been my favorite. It perfectly captured the way a man looked at the woman he loved with such devotion and admiration.

  “Those are amazing.” My body jerked in surprise before tensing. Knowing he was hovering over my shoulder made me feel like bolting and hid
ing like a coward. No way could I face him. “You really are very talented.”

  Closing my eyes, I waited for the uncontrollable tension to pass, but it only managed to multiply with each passing second.

  “What’s wrong, Faith? I thought we were friends.” Sensing a touch of humor in his voice, I shifted just enough to get a glimpse of his smile—a smile that floored me. It was one I hadn’t been graced with until now.

  “Are you making fun of me?”

  “I would never.” With a wrinkle of his brow, he shook his head, and without thinking twice about it, I reached out and shoved against his chest.

  “So, you’re that guy.” I couldn’t help but smile too. “The kind who takes a girl’s weaknesses and tosses them around as ammunition to make yourself feel good.”

  “I’m actually just trying to make light of a situation and ensure you that you can stop avoiding me.”

  “I’m not avoiding,” he arched his eyebrow, “you.”

  “Oh, really? So you driving past my house to make sure I’m gone so you can go home for the night is you not avoiding me?”

  The embarrassment I felt before had nothing on now.

  “Or the way you sneak to your car in the mornings, trying to be as quiet as possible so there is no chance I will hear you outside and force you to face me.”

  “Okay, you can stop.” I looked away, trying to hide the fact that my cheeks were at least two shades rosier than normal.

  “Let’s just forget about the other night.” Aaron leaned in and rested his arms on the countertop at my side. “There’s no reason we can’t go back to pretending we don’t know one another and offering a simple wave in passing.”

  “We didn’t wave in passing.”

  I spun around, expecting him to stand tall once more. But he remained hunched over with his body close to mine. “I guess we didn’t, but maybe we should change that. I think you and I could be friends, Faith.” The way he said my name, low, almost like a purr or a whisper, triggered a deep-rooted need to hear him say it again and again. “What do you think?"