Just Breathe Again

by C. A. Harms

  I knew he had asked me a question, but with the close proximity, the smell of his cologne, and that sinful smirk he was wearing, the words didn’t seem to fully register in my mind.

  “Faith?”

  I stared at him, those deep dark irises that said so much. The deep alluring yet guarded way he watched me closely. It was all enough to make me feel like I was nothing more than a mess of need and want. It was embarrassing how much this man affected me after such a short period of time.

  “Listen, you were right,” he began, and I tried my best to concentrate on his words. Frankly, it was truly hard to get past the way his lips moved with each word he spoke. “I was being an ass, and you don’t deserve that, but in my defense, I honestly do like my space. I like my peace. I enjoy being by myself. But even then, you’ve been nothing but kind, and I shouldn’t be so—”

  “Broody and rude?” I finished for him, and again, he smiled.

  “Yeah.” He chuckled lightly, and I felt that laugh in every single part of my body. It was a raspy, deep sound. His chest shook, and his eyes lit up just a small fraction. “That.”

  We stared at one another for a few seconds, neither of us saying a word. Something passed through his eyes—a calm I had not seen before. He took in a deep breath, and his lips parted like he was about to say something. The sound of the bell above the door interrupted us.

  The bride-to-be and what looked like her mother or mother-in-law followed in closely behind.

  “I’d better get back to work,” I heard Aaron say in a low tone as he stepped back and turned to walk to the back before I had the chance to say anything in return.

  I rounded the desk, held my hand out in introduction to both women, and led them to the seating area I had arranged for us. Quickly, we fell into the wants and needs of the upcoming wedding. It was so easy to get lost in the creative side of things, but even with the excitement of the nuptials, I couldn’t let go of the pull I felt toward the man who was just on the opposite side of the wall. The soft sound of the drill, the light tapping of a hammer…it was strange how soothing those sounds were to me.

  Chapter Ten

  Aaron

  I looked up when the sun’s rays peeked in through the open door of the shop.

  Immediately, my heart raced with the hope that it was Faith, knowing I shouldn’t allow myself to even experience those feelings. Only, I couldn’t seem to control them.

  Seeing Mrs. Billings gave me a sense of disappointment, though I did my best to hide it.

  “I figured you would work right through lunch if I didn’t bring you something.” She held up a container and gave it a little shake. “Faith and I have been working away in the kitchen all morning.” My pulse quickened at the mention of her name. “Did you get your coffee this morning?”

  “I did.” It brought a smile to my face first thing this morning. The welcoming aroma of hazelnut had filled the shop the moment I’d stepped inside. Then Faith’s smile filled my thoughts, and I had found myself wishing I could just let go of all the ugliness and anger inside me. If I could be the man she needed me to be, I knew life would be good, or at least, as good as a scarred man like me could have after the kind of loss I had suffered.

  “Faith snuck out of the house and came down here this morning with a thermos.” Mrs. Billings came further inside and placed the container on the counter along with a small bowl and silverware. “She also made this up for you too.” I nodded. I honestly wasn’t sure what else to say or do. I felt a little overwhelmed.

  “Well, don’t work too hard, Aaron.” She stepped back and offered me a kind smile. “Direct orders from Dirk. You go home on time tonight and not a minute later.” She took on that same stern look I’d seen on his face as if challenging me to disagree.

  “I sure will, ma’am.” She seemed pleased.

  The Billingses were good people. The respect they’d earned in this town was admirable, and I had never heard a harsh word regarding any of them.

  “I’ll send Faith down here with something cool to drink.” Before I had time to reject the offer, she was out the door, and it shut with a thud behind her.

  I spent the next thirty minutes staring out of the small window along the door, waiting to spot the dark-haired beauty coming my way. Again, I was torn between wanting to see her and needing to keep my distance. Faith was too sweet for a man like me. I knew I would only hurt her in one way or another, and mixing business and pleasure was a disaster in the making. The last thing I needed was to piss off Dirk, which would only lead to a backlash from both Walt and Granny Rae.

  I was so distracted with the images of Gran coming at me with that look in her eyes that she gets when I’ve gone a step too far that, when I regained some control, I looked up to see that Faith was now about ten feet away from the shop door. Backing away like a terrified teenaged boy with raging hormones, I hid behind the counter and ripped the lid off the container that had been waiting there for me. Picking up the napkin, I heard the crash of silverware as it fell to the floor, and the only one that survived the fall was a butter knife. Shifting my gaze from the knife to the container, my panic increased.

  “Pasta,” I mumbled, “it had to fucking be pasta.”

  Why it couldn’t have been something I could eat with my hands without looking like a complete caveman?

  The door opened, the light once again illuminated the room, and I prayed like hell she wouldn’t notice.

  “Pasta with a knife?” I heard the humor in her voice and shook my head. Of course she’d noticed. Who in the hell was I trying to fool? “A little tough, isn’t it?”

  “It’s not so bad.” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her leaning forward and looking at the floor on the opposite side of the counter. “Not a fan of the fork?” Again, her words were laced with playfulness. “You think you’re funny.” I did my best to remain unaffected by this woman, but there was definitely something about her that made the walls around me teeter. The harder I fought against it, the weaker it managed to make me feel.

  “What? We’re friends,” she countered, and I looked to my left to find she was much closer than I realized. “Or so you’ve said a time or two.” Faith’s confidence had returned. “We should be able to hassle one another.”

  She was right, and though I truly had no desire to make friends, I did find it extremely hard to avoid her. The more she was around, the more I found the ache inside me was soothed.

  “Brought you some sun tea.” She placed a large, red jug before us, and I could hear ice clanking around inside of it. “I didn’t add too much sugar, but if you need more, there is some beneath the bar over there.” She pointed to the place the coffee pot rested, but I didn’t take my eyes off her.

  She had her hair piled up in a high ponytail, long waves of curls hanging down her back and over her shoulders. I had noticed that Faith wore makeup, but it was so light and delicate, unless I was up close, it may have gone undetected. She had glossy lips, but it didn’t change the rosy color of her full lips. It only enhanced the heart shape and plumpness.

  Fucking hell, she was beautiful. So beautiful, it left a deep ache of longing inside me. A needed to be close, to feel what kissing her would be like.

  “Do you not like tea?”

  The question lingered between us, and I knew I should answer her, but damn if I couldn’t get my mind to form words.

  “Aaron?”

  The sound of my name, mixed with the urges I was having a hell of a time resisting, hit me, and before I had a chance to think it over, I stood and moved in closer to her. Faith’s eyes widened, but she did nothing to back away, which excited me more.

  Reaching out, I cupped the side of her face in my palm and looked her in the eyes one last time before I brought my lips to hers. I was right. Her lips were soft and delicious. Hesitance remained in her briefly, but only for a few seconds. Her hand moved to the back of my neck and tugged at my hair.

  Moving my body even closer, I used my weight to hold her in pl
ace before me. My free hand gripped her hip, and she whimpered.

  The entire thing felt like an out-of-body experience. It had been so long since I had felt a woman in my arms, kissed, or even got within a few feet of anyone who interested me. Our mouths moved in sync so effortlessly.

  When the warm wetness of her tongue skimmed over my lips, I pressed against her even closer, inviting more without actually speaking the words. My pulse quickened, my heart raced, and Faith tugged hard on my hair.

  Blood pumped through me in a rush.

  Suddenly, I gripped her hips and lifted her up to set her on the countertop as I moved in between her parted legs. The entire time, our lips remained locked.

  Fuck, she felt incredible.

  The way she hooked her legs around me and held me as close to her as possible. Her hands refusing to allow me to move away, still holding on firmly to my neck. I couldn’t remember ever being kissed the way Faith kissed me. Almost as if she needed me to survive—desperate for more.

  There was nothing like it.

  “I’ve thought about this so many times,” she confessed, only taking a break long enough to get the words out before going back for more. Truth was, I had too, but I’d also told myself I’d never go there.

  “So much better than I imagined.”

  I needed her to stop. It sounded awful, but if I was going to push through this, I just needed to feel her and not have anything distracting me, making my mind go places it shouldn’t.

  Then it hit me.

  I shouldn’t be pushing through this.

  I paused, and she seemed not to notice. Her hips shifted against me, and I gripped them tightly while she kissed down the side of my neck and nibbled, her heated breath fanning out over me.

  Quickly, I turned my head and kissed her once again, attempting to push past the dark cloud that was forming in my mind.

  “Mm,” she moaned within our kiss.

  Lynn, Ivy, Granny Rae, and the disappointment in her eyes all flashed through my mind. Dirk Billings standing in the doorway of the shop with a murderous look in his eyes and Walt shaking his head as if to tell me that I’d really fucked up. It was all too much. I pulled back and hung my head. Taking in one deep breath after another, I suddenly felt like I was drowning. Almost like I couldn’t get enough air. Like I was suffocating and everything was closing in around me.

  The feeling of Faith’s fingers running through my hair should have soothed me. I could have chosen that moment to allow her to bring me back to the present, only I couldn’t. It was all too much.

  Stepping back, I placed my hands on my hips, and after one long intake of breath, I looked up, and that was when everything fell apart.

  “That shouldn’t have happened.” As soon as the words left my lips, I saw the sadness fill Faith’s eyes.

  The once radiant look, the one that had me breaking all my rules, was gone, and in its place was a woman who was humiliated.

  When I reached out for her, she pushed my hand away and hopped down from the counter.

  “Faith, wait.” I tried to follow behind her, but she shrugged away and hurried toward the door. “I’m sorry.”

  I knew she heard the words as she rushed outside, but she never acknowledged them.

  The sound of the door closing echoed throughout the shop, and I fought the urge to run after her.

  I’d fucked up. I knew I had when I saw the sad look in her eyes.

  The longer I stood there, the harder it was to remain in control. My hands shook. I paced the small space near the door, and when I heard a car starting, I hurried outside just in time to see Faith drive down the long driveway toward the road.

  I should’ve gone after her, but then, her hating me would be so much easier. So, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do, I turned around and went back into the shop. Picking up the sander, I took in another deep breath and flipped the switch. I was here to do a job, so it was time I got back to it.

  Chapter Eleven

  Faith

  “Okay, wait.” Deanna grabbed the bottle of wine and moved back toward the couch where I sat. “He kissed you. As in, he initiated it, then when things got all good and heavy, he stopped.”

  I nodded. “You forgot the point where he pretty much told me it was a mistake.”

  She sat next to me, leaning forward to top off her glass then doing the same to mine.

  “Mistake my ass,” she huffed. “That man should feel damn lucky a woman as hot as you allowed him to kiss her.” I knew she was trying to make me feel better, but I was humiliated. What in the hell had I been thinking? If he thought I was having a hard time facing him before, there was no way I would find myself anywhere near him now.

  "I told you that man was trouble.”

  Part of me wanted to argue with her, but honestly, what was the point? Maybe she was right.

  “Tonight, we drink.” She picked up my glass and hers, holding mine out to me. I take it in my hand, and she clinked them together and took a healthy swig of hers. “We act stupid, laugh, and get so wasted, we forget all our troubles.” Fat chance. “Then, tomorrow, we plan out our revenge.”

  “Our revenge?”

  “Damn straight.” She gave me a stare that said it all with serious eyes, her brow crinkled in the center, and her lip curled just slightly on the corner. “That man will quickly realize that if he upsets you, he upsets me. He’ll think twice before he ever fondles my friend and has the gall to call it a mistake, misguided action, or whatever the hell he had rolling around in his mind. He’ll be crying mercy and begging for forgiveness.”

  “No retaliation is necessary.”

  She offered me a wave of her hand and a hmph of disagreement. “Oh, yes,” she sounded somewhat evil, which made me laugh, “he needs to be brought to his knees.”

  “You’re kinda scary at the moment. I would hate to see what would happen if the roles were reversed and you were the one humiliated.”

  “Oh, sweet one, you should know that things would have ended so much differently had I been there.” I had no doubt. “Let’s just say that your mother and daddy would have heard that man’s cries of pain all the way up at the house.”

  Suddenly, I was so happy I’d chosen to hide away at Deanna’s place after one of the most embarrassing moments I’d ever faced. I felt like a complete idiot for the way I’d acted—so needy—and the idea of running into him at any point in time made my stomach flip with nervous energy.

  Being with Deanna helped. She was insane and plain crazy, which was exactly what I needed in order to forget, even if just for a little while.

  ***

  “Mamma, it’ll fit.” I stepped around the back of my car and grabbed my camera back from her. “You just need to give it a little shove.”

  “No, darlin’. You just need to get yourself something bigger than this tiny clown car.” She snickered when I narrowed my eyes at her as I looked back over my shoulder. “What? You live back in the country. You need to get yourself a country living car. This little snack box of a thing was fine for the city, but you don’t live in the city anymore.”

  I ignored her, trying my best to shift around the large box of props in the back to find a space to fit my camera bag. Every single space had been filled with all my equipment: cases of printer paper, ink cartridges, my new printer, which I’d ordered weeks ago, as well as several backdrops for in-office photo shoots. I may have gone overboard, but once I started, I couldn’t seem to stop.

  “If I could just move,” grunt, “this…I could—”

  “Let me help you with that.” I froze, and my entire body grew tense at the sound of his voice.

  Aaron stepped up closer behind me, and when he reached over my shoulder, I shifted forward to eliminate the possibility of him touching me in any way.

  “I’ve got it.” I didn’t turn around to face him.

  “Faith.” I could hear the corrective manner my mother’s voice had taken on. Of course she would think I was being rude. She had no i
dea what had happened, and if I had it my way, she never would. I just wanted to forget it ever happened, forget I’d been so stupid.

  “I’ll just hold it in my lap.” I shifted sideways and rounded the corner of the car.

  “That bag is entirely too big for you to drive with it on your lap.” She was right, but I didn’t care. I would roll down my window and let the tripod stand hang out the side. Or better yet, I’d strap it to the roof. “Why don’t you just take your father’s truck?”

  “I’m fine, Mom.” I would be, once I got away from Aaron.

  I opened my door, climbed inside, and tried three times to twist the bag from side to side to find the best possible way to get it inside before the bag was removed from my hands.

  “Aaron, could you be a dear and follow this stubborn girl to her shop with this big ol’ bag?”

  Without a doubt, my eyes had to be bugging out of my head. Did she know what she’d just done?

  “I sure can, ma’am.” I couldn’t look in his direction, though I wanted to weigh out his reaction. I could feel him watching me. I was bouncing back and forth between hiding and telling my mother to butt out. I loved the woman something fierce, but she’d just tossed me to the big bad wolf himself, and I could already feel myself fading fast.

  “I was actually heading into town,” Aaron added, and in my peripheral vision, I could see him shift a little closer. “I can just follow you if that’s okay.”

  I looked at him and narrowed my eyes.

  Okay? Was he serious?

  Aaron didn’t falter, not even in the slightest, from my less than friendly stare. I too held strong, even though looking at those deep brown eyes made my stomach ache. It only pissed me off more that my body still reacted to him, even though, at this point, he was the last person on earth I wanted to be within ten feet of.