Single & Ready

by Lolah Lace

  A week later there was something wrong with me. I felt like crap. I couldn’t even go into work, and I had to call in. I was sitting alone on the edge of my messy bed. I was wearing baggy pajamas and a head wrap. I felt tired and weak. I felt sick as a dog. I was too exhausted to even crawl back to the head of my bed and cuddle into a pillow.

  Tamika burst into my bedroom with a small white plastic bag. “I got it, girl.”

  She rushed the contraband over to me. She dug inside the bag and removed a single cough and cold medicine bottle.

  “Thanks.” I coughed into my hand.

  “Is that the right one?”

  I looked down at the bottle of cough medicine she had palmed in her hand.

  “Yeah.” I took the medicine bottle and twisted the cap off. Without hesitation, I turned the bottle up to my lips and took a long swig. I didn’t feel like measuring anything. I recapped the bottle and sat idle.

  Tamika sat down on the bed beside me. But not too close, after all, I was ill.

  “Sis, you got the hee-bee gee-bees.” She sang. “Ha, ha, ha, ha staying alive, staying alive!” Tamika arched her full eyebrow. “You get it?”

  “I get it. The Bee Gees.”

  “I hope you feel better. It’s not like you to call off work.”

  “Yeah, it’s not like me but I got Swine Flu, Small Pox, Yellow Fever, Ebola, SARS, and Spanish Influenza.”

  “You forgot thot-i-tis.”

  “Haha, you got jokes, but it’s coming out from both ends.”

  “Yes it is, stinking booty. I bought you some Poo-Pourri for the toilet. Make sure you use it.”

  “You told me it costs too much.”

  “Yes, honey it does but you’re my bestie so I got it for you.”

  “And you spent your own money on it. I appreciate it. Thank you.”

  “We’re so welcome.”

  “I feel terrible.” I went into a wild coughing fit. Maybe I need to start taking vitamins on the regular.

  “Damn chick, I have never seen you this sick. You pregnant or something?”

  “Girl bye.” I rolled my glassy eyes.

  Tamika chuckled. “Right, I forgot you got to have sex to get pregnant.”

  “Right.” I muttered.

  “Are you going to feel better by tomorrow?”

  “Look at me. I doubt it.”

  “That’s too bad.”

  “Why? What’s tomorrow?”

  “You got a second date with that fine brother I picked out for you, Charleston Chew. He was Chocolate on the outside with a white nugget on the inside.”

  “Oh shit, yeah, I do. I got to call him and cancel. There's no way I can go out of the house looking like this and feeling this bad.”

  “No, you cannot. You sound congested.”

  “I am, my throat hurts too. I got to call him and cancel. I hate I have to cancel. I really like him. I don’t want to cancel.”

  “Well coughing all over dude is not a good look.”

  “You’re right.”

  Tamika stood. I guess she had enough of me coughing, choking, and damn near croaking.

  “Don’t forget to call him. I’m leaving you now ‘cause you need to get some rest and I don’t want to catch tuberculosis.”

  “I will.”

  “You need anything else?”

  “Can you bring me some orange juice?”

  “Coming right up with no pulp and two ice cubes. Just the way you like it.”

  “Thank you.”

  I had another coughing fit before Tami was even all the way out of my room. My chest was heavy. I thought about digging my vaporizer out of the closet, but that seemed like too much work. I needed to get some rest. I used all my strength to crawl up to my headboard. I reached over on my nightstand and grabbed my cell phone. I pulled two Kleenex from the box and wiped my runny nose. I crawled into the center of my bed and tucked myself under my cozy comforter. I leaned on my side and dialed out on my cell phone. I needed to make the call before the medicine kicked in and I fell into a deep coma-like sleep.

  It took me three days to get rid of that bug before I was back to normal. In all that time I still never got my period. I had a hard day at work, and I couldn’t wait to leave. I didn’t have time to have lunch because I was swamped with meetings all day. I had a banana and a Gatorade. That was not enough fuel for the day I had.

  I left my job and headed right over to Tasty Dog to pick up something to eat. I didn’t go home to change. I was dressed in my fancy office attire, business suit, heels, and expensive handbag. I looked flawless, well-rested, and well put together. It wasn’t how I felt, but it was a look.

  I waited for my food to be prepared and checked my email for a meeting confirmation. My order was up, and I could smell the food through the large plastic bag. Did I need a bacon double cheeseburger? No. Did I have one in my bag? Yes.

  I was carrying the huge bag of food and heading toward the restaurant’s exit when my cell rang in my hand. I answered and lifted my cell to my ear.

  “Tami, I got your extra dressing... Yes, I checked the bag... No, I’m coming right home... Bye.”

  With the food bag hanging on my wrist, I stuck my hand out to open the exit door, and it was already open. I expectantly plowed into the person who was coming in the door as I was walking out.

  “I’m sorry,” I muttered as I was trying to balance myself.

  I looked up and locked eyes with him, Charleston.

  “Charles.” I squinted. It sure was him. He was in a nice gray dress shirt and a tie.

  “Latanya.”

  Fade Out

  LATANYA

  Mr. Charleston looked shocked to see me. As if I wasn’t supposed to be here. He didn’t even live near Tasty Dog. He wasn’t from this neighborhood.

  “What are—?” I carelessly dropped my cell phone into my open handbag. “—you doing here?” This joker had the nerve to be smiling like he was happy to see me. I was beyond puzzled.

  “How are you?”

  “Great!” I clipped. “What are you doing here?”

  “I was in the neighborhood. I stopped over for a cup of coffee. Tasty Dog has excellent coffee.”

  “Oh.” My tone wasn’t cordial, but my half eye roll wasn’t either. So what!

  “You look good.” His eyes roamed my body.

  Of course, I look good every day. Don’t compliment me. I would not say thank you to this disappearing act ass ninja.

  “I just got off work.”

  “Me too.” I didn’t care where he was coming from as long as he got out of my face. His goofy ass smile was bothering me and I had time today. So I decided to ask him what was up.

  “So, I guess you found someone you like on Snatch & Match?”

  “No, no, still single.”

  “Really?” I tilted my head sideways. Well, that the fuck, man?

  “Yeah, yeah, what about you? You find your match?”

  I refused to answer that question. “Huh, well I thought we hit it off and then I never heard from you again. It’s been almost two weeks. We were communicating every single day. You just up and ghosted me. I was, I am really confused.”

  “No, no, I didn’t ghost you.”

  He must think I’m dumb. “Hmm, what would you call it?” I wasn’t trying to be flippant, but that’s how the words came out. He claimed he didn’t ghost me, but all I could see was Poltergeist, Casper, and Beetlejuice. If you look invisible then you a damn ghost, brother.

  “Latanya, I was confused too.” His forehead wrinkled.

  “About what?”

  “I thought we hit it off then you canceled our second date.”

  “I was sick.” I raised my voice as my level of pissed off-it-ness became apparent.

  “That’s what all women say that don’t want to be bothered with you.”

  I frowned. His logic was a bullshit excuse to me. “First off, I’m not all women and I’m not a liar. Did I not sound sick when I called you?”

  “I th
ought you were acting.”

  “Acting! Why would I do that? Man, ain’t nobody got time to be putting on acts for Charleston.” Who the fuck did he think he was?

  “Someone that looks like you, I know you got a lot of dudes coming at you left and right. I figured you found some other dude. Like I said, I’m sure you got dudes coming at you.”

  “What does that have to do with anything? I was feeling you.”

  “I was feeling you too.”

  “I can’t tell. You never called to reschedule. You never called to just check and see if I hadn’t died or anything.”

  “You didn’t call me either.” His tone hitched up an octave.

  “I called you last to tell you I was sick. I didn’t text you like you were doing me. I called you.”

  “Well, girls like you always got a lot of guys. I thought you just didn’t want to go out with me.”

  Charleston shrugged without much effort.

  “So the words, I’m sick, can we reschedule? You took that as don’t call me anymore?”

  “Yeah, I did.” He shrugged.

  “Are you for real?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Seriously?” His nose was growing like Pinocchio.

  “So you never once thought that maybe I was actually sick?”

  “Well, not at the time.” His nonchalance was pissing me off even more.

  “Right.”

  “We can still go out. It was just a misunderstanding. We were both feeling each other.”

  “Yes, that’s true.” This conversation was getting old.

  “So, what’s up?” He gestured with his hand.

  What’s up is, I like confident men. Men who don’t think I’m playing games. Men that call to check on me when I’m sick. Men whose first instinct isn’t to think I’m lying to them.”

  “No thanks, I’m good.”

  “You serious?” He was genuinely surprised. I guess women never turn him down.

  “Charleston, my food is getting cold. Get out my way.”

  “You trippin’.”

  “No, your ass is trippin’.”

  I pushed past Charles and left him standing in the doorway of Tasty Dog. I didn’t bother to look back at him. I was fuming. Was this real life? I thought he was cool people, and he ghosted me for literally no reason at all. I dodged a bullet. His communication skills sucked, or he was lying. Either way, he can kick boulders.

  I drove home cussing and talking to myself in the car. That man had a lot of nerve thinking he was so important that I was pretending to be sick. Why? Was I afraid of him or something? I hated it when people read more into your words than were there.

  I came into the apartment and went straight into the kitchen to put the food on the table.

  I dropped my purse in my bedroom and walked down the hall to Tami’s bedroom. When I entered she was sorting her laundry. She was throwing her clothes from her messy bed into two separate piles on the floor.

  “The food is in the kitchen.”

  “Cool, I’m starving.”

  “You will never guess whom I ran into at Tasty Dog?”

  She stopped sorting to glance at me. “Yes, I can guess, Charles.”

  “How did you know?”

  “When you were getting the food, your cell phone didn’t hang up. I heard you say his name.”

  Tamika tossed a nurse’s scrub shirt in the pile closest to me.

  “I saw him and completely lost my appetite,” I added.

  “Girl, don’t let any man affect you like that.”

  “I truly liked him. Or at least I thought I did.”

  “Did you ask him why he didn’t call you?”

  “Ah yeah, you know I did. I was mad when I saw his big ole face. I had to ask. Basically, he said, he thought I canceled our date because I was blowing him off.”

  “What? You were straight up sick as a dog. Damn near on your deathbed.”

  “Ah yeah. Mr. Charleston thought I was faking sick. As if he was so important I had to give an Oscar-winning performance to get rid of him.”

  “That’s just extra.”

  “Extra as hell. I would never do something like that. Especially after Nick dumped me with a text message.”

  “Forget about Charleston. Forget about Nick. Let’s go eat this food.”

  Tamika slipped her feet into her flip-flops. She grabbed my wrist and pulled me out of her room and into the hallway.

  My day had already been hectic and running into Charleston didn’t make it any better. I had a lot of things on my mind and I decided to face them head-on. I might as well add something else on this terrible day before it was over.

  I left my bedroom and walked down the hall to Tami’s room. It was late, but she usually stayed out later than me. I knew her boyfriend wasn’t over, so I went to her bedroom.

  I stood in her doorway and peeked my head inside. The room that was messy just a few hours before was clean now. Tamika was on her knees searching for something under her bed.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “I lost my battery pack?”

  “For your cell phone?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Maybe you left it over at Jay’s.”

  “I never take it over there. I just use his charger. We have the same phone.”

  “Oh well, I got an extra one. You can have it.”

  Tamika stopped searching to look up at me. “Thanks.”

  “No problem. Remember when you called me earlier to see what was taking so long with the food?”

  “Yeah.” Tamika stood and took a seat on her bed.

  “I didn’t go straight to Tasty Dog?”

  “Did you stop for gas?”

  “Yes, I got gas. But I also went to CVS.”

  “Did you get some snacks?”

  “No — my period is late.”

  Tamika took a few seconds to digest my words. “Wayment. What?”

  “My per-ri-odd is late.” My voice squeaked. I hated saying that sentence.

  “How late? Late, like CPT late or late like income tax check late?”

  “State tax late.”

  “Oh, hell naw! Did you sleep with Nick again?”

  “No, I haven’t been with him since we broke up. I haven’t had sex with anybody else either.”

  “Y’all broke up a long time ago. That was over three months ago.”

  “Yeah, I know. I said I was late.”

  I could see she was annoyed with me. I was annoyed with myself.

  “When was the last time you had a period?”

  “I don’t remember. I was a mess after he dumped me, and I just forgot all about it.”

  “Wayment. So when you were sick before?”

  “I don’t know if that had anything to do with it. I thought my period would just come and then it didn’t. I don’t know how it works. I’ve never been pregnant before. I don’t know what it feels like.”

  “I can’t believe you. This is fucking irresponsible.”

  “Don’t you think I know that?”

  “What are you waiting for? You need a pregnancy test.”

  “I have one.”

  I reached behind me and removed a pregnancy test from my back pocket.

  “From CVS.”

  “That’s what took so long.”

  Tamika stared down at the boxed pregnancy test. She swiftly snatched it from my hand.

  “Take it right now.”

  Tamika grabbed my wrist and pulled me toward the door. We left her bedroom and entered the hall. I trailed behind her. She hurriedly led me into the bathroom. We both stood in the tiny confines of the room.

  Tami sighed. “Are you ready to do this?”

  “No, not really. I just don’t have any other choices.”

  “Okay, here.”

  Tamika shoved the pregnancy test box back into my clammy hand. I stared down at the white and purple box.

  “I’m not stupid. I know I’m running out of time.”

  “Running o
ut of time for what exactly?”

  “You know what?”

  “You have time if it’s only been three months. Do you already know what you’re going to do if the test is positive?”

  “No, I don’t. I’m scared.”

  “You should be.”

  “No, no. I’m not just scared. I’m terrified, horrified, mortified, and petrified. I’m all the damn fied’s.” My hand was shaking. We both looked down at my unsteady hand. There was no way I could hide it.

  “Calm your ass down. You took this long to take a stupid test. It is what it is.”

  “What if it’s a baby?”

  “I can’t with the jokes. Latanya, you’re supposed to be smarter than me.”

  I wasn’t trying to make jokes. “Uh, I’m not smart.” I was the Queen of dumb decisions.

  Tamika took a deep breath. “You’re not showing. So maybe you’re just stressed or something.” She was trying to be positive. “Well, you can do whatever you want but I hope you’re not with child.”

  “I know you hate Nick but I should tell him if it’s positive.”

  “Really? You should tell the jerk that dumped you by text message. It’s your body and your choice.” Her voice rose as she schooled me.

  “But—”

  “But nothing. He didn’t even give you a legitimate reason for the breakup. He’s a fuckin’ coward.”

  “Hold up. None of this matters until I know that I’m pregnant.”

  “Well, make it hap’n cap’n. This ain’t the LSAT. You ain’t trying to pass. Take the damn test. Pee on the stupid stick so we can figure this thing out.”

  I was so happy she said the word we. I’m going to need her support. I wasn’t ready to be a mother. I wasn’t even ready to watch the Sopranos.

  Tami snatched the box from my hand and opened it. She removed the plastic-wrapped pregnancy test quicker than I ever could. She used her teeth to open the plastic wrapping before she removed the test-stick.

  Seeing it in her hands made me nauseous.

  Tami started reading the box. “Take off the cap and pee on it, the tip part.” Tamika tossed the plastic wrap in the wastebasket by the bathtub.