Moonshine Wizard

by Phillip Drayer Duncan

  Robert nodded but didn’t speak, his face solemn.

  Bert leaned in and whispered, “That’s not too bad, right?”

  Robert didn’t respond.

  Her scowl fell on Simon next. “Simon, you stand accused of dark wizardry. You have been charged with magical maleficence, conspiracy with intent to harm, fraternizing with dark mages, and acting in the capacity of a fugitive dark wizard. Additionally, you also stand accused of the same transgressions as your fellows.”

  “Okay,” Bert whispered, glancing at Simon. “That one was pretty rough, but we knew that going in. Still, though, I think we could be in much worse shape. Hopefully, mine are on par or better, right?”

  Simon glanced at him and shook his head. “She saved you for last.”

  “How bad could it be?” he asked.

  “And Waylon Drake,” she said, glaring at him. Bert gave her his warmest smile.

  “Along with the same charges levied against your friends, you are charged with two counts of maleficence, including one count of engaging in blood magic. An additional charge of aiding and abetting dark wizards. Three hundred and forty-three counts of failing to notify the local Authority Having Jurisdiction of supernatural entities engaging in criminal activity. This is pursuant to the current body count. An additional eleven counts of failing to provide the local Authority Having Jurisdiction of criminal activity. One count of evading authorities. One count of utilizing magical artifacts with illegal origin and purpose. Forty-six counts of conspiracy with criminal intent. Thirteen counts of endangering lay civilians, though this number could be increased as the investigation continues. One count of illegally opening a gateway to another world harboring dark forces. One hundred and twenty-four counts of endangering Hand of Magic Authorities. One count of releasing a dangerous and endangered species from its protected confinement. One count of endangering an entire planet.”

  Bert’s mouth hung wide open. Slowly, he turned to his friends. “Guys... I think we’re totally boned.”

  “Glad to see you’re finally catching up,” Robert growled.

  “Where are they even coming up with these numbers?” Bert asked. “This must be some kind of record.”

  “Waylon Drake,” Eichman said, smiling pleasantly. “As you seem to be the catalyst to these events, and certainly the instigator, I would like you to provide us a retelling of exactly what occurred along with proof that you were working on behalf of the Hand of Magic. I’d like insight into what your mission was and the exact mission statement bound to the aura you were provided.”

  “Right!” Bert said, feeling a measure of hope. “I was working on behalf of the Hand the entire time. Here!”

  Calling on a smidgen of magic, he showed the judges the magical aura, thus proving he was working for the Hand. He didn’t unlock it, though. Let their rank do the talking, he thought. He wanted to know if Uncle Tony was higher in the pecking order than his Regional. Surely, Eichman was, which meant she could open it and get the details herself.

  After a few moments, she asked, “Who assigned you this mission? And do be aware, young man, if this mission seal is counterfeit, it will result in another hefty charge being added to your already impressive collection.”

  “Uh, I’m not sure I should say,” Bert replied. “It’s not counterfeit. At least not as far as I know.”

  “Fine,” she said, forcing another smile. “But you’ll have to unlock it for me to see the details, because I cannot.”

  There were a number of gasps from around the room, followed by quiet murmurs from the audience. Unless his seal was counterfeit, whoever gave it to him ranked higher than the Regional Wizard Commander. That was heavy stuff. Just how high ranked was Uncle Tony? And, just how high did the ranks go?

  He unlocked the seal and opened it to her, allowing her every bit of information it contained, save who assigned him this task.

  After a few minutes she asked, “And when was the last communication you had with the wizard who gave you this mission?”

  “A few days before the battle.”

  “So, at the time that you discovered the true nature of the object, and had recovered it, you had no contact with this wizard?”

  “No.”

  “Did you try?”

  “Yes. I never received an answer.”

  “So, you moved forward, making your own decisions without the Hand of Magic’s guidance?”

  “Yes,” he replied, sensing where she was going. He knew what was coming next.

  “Then your mission aura is of very little consequence. It is likely we could drop a few of your charges, but the vast majority will remain. The parameters changed and you moved forward without guidance. At that point, you were working outside of your authority. Furthermore, you used an outdated mission seal to evade custody of the Hand and continued to refuse to provide the local Authority Having Jurisdiction with pertinent information regarding your mission. That will be added as a separate charge.”

  Eichman sighed and said, “I suppose you should start at the beginning and give us a detailed walkthrough of exactly how this mess came to be... And for your own sake, leave nothing out.”

  Bert did. He told them everything and left nothing out, save Uncle Tony's name.

  By the time he finished, the mumbling roar of the audience was nearly drowning him out. Eichman didn’t have a gavel to silence everyone, but she turned her gaze on them and they quieted down.

  Bert thought an honest retelling would gain him some brownie points. Instead, they’d added eleven more charges to his list.

  Eichman turned toward Falcon. “I believe you had some character witnesses you wished to testify.”

  “Yes, ma’am, I do,” Falcon said with cheery professionalism. “I’d first like to call up my wife, Farrah.”

  Farrah approached the stand and took the empty witness seat. As soon as she sat down, Eichman started asking questions. Apparently, in wizard court, witnesses didn’t need to be sworn in.

  The Regional Wizard Commander asked, “What’s your relationship with Mr. Drake?”

  “We’re friends,” Farrah said, pausing hesitantly. “And he works for our company.”

  “Is that all?” Eichman said, watching her carefully.

  “Uh... No,” Farrah said, casting a glance at Falcon. “We are also sworn to protect him.”

  And here it was. Another mystery. Bert glanced at Falcon. As long as he’d know them, he’d had no idea either had supernatural abilities. And now that he did know, he still had no idea of the capacity surrounding those abilities. He’d never seen anything like it. They weren’t just mages, that was for sure. And who had asked them to protect him? He sure as hell didn’t know.

  The Regional Wizard Commander scoffed and said, “Then anything you say must be rendered as bias and therefore would be irrelevant to the case. You may go sit back down. Next witness.”

  Much to Bert’s surprise, the next witness was Mack. Given the old vampire’s somewhat shady business dealings, Bert was surprised he’d walk into the lion’s den to help him out. Bert wouldn’t forget it.

  Eichman regarded Mack coolly. “You’re the vampire who runs that strip club?”

  “Yes,” Mack replied. “It is more than a strip club, though. It is a facility dedicated to helping vampires.”

  “But it’s a strip club,” Eichman said, rolling her eyes. “I have low confidence in your integrity, vampire. However, let us hear what you have to say.”

  Mack addressed the crowd, telling them about the times Bert had helped him. He spoke of Bert’s honesty, his ethical behavior, and how he’d never do anything he believed was wrong. And he made a performance of it. Mack was a professional first, and a showman second, and when he was done, Bert felt like the crowd was starting to see him a little more favorably.

  Then Eichman spoke up. “So, Mack, what you’re telling us is that Mr. Drake often works on the fringes of our laws, using his magical abilities to accomplish mercenary work for profit. While you haven’t
provided us with any criminal evidence, I believe your testimony has accomplished little save adding insult to Mr. Drakes already diminishing reputation. Next witness, please.”

  Even more surprising than Mack, the next witness Falcon managed to get onboard was the Hound. The farmer strolled through the courtroom, carrying the Hound in his arms. He placed the dog on the witness stand and stood to the side. Many members of the audience found the whole spectacle quite humorous.

  Eichman shook her head and said, “State you name and relationship to Mr. Drake.”

  “Well, I’ve drank a bit of his moonshine,” the farmer said, staring at her dumbfounded.

  Eichman’s face took on a look of fury, but before she could respond, Falcon stepped forward and said, “Uh, ma’am… The dog is the witness.”

  “The dog?” she said, rubbing her face in exasperation.

  Chuckles rang out from the audience, and the Hound said, “Something funny out there in the peanut gallery? Bunch of jackasses.” He turned toward Eichman. “Everyone calls me the Hound. I’m an information broker and I’ve worked with Mr. Drake on numerous occasions.”

  Eichman appeared interested in what the Hound had to say, right up to the part where he explained that Bert paid him in cash and milk bones. It didn’t take long for her to call for the next witness.

  Falcon gave Bert an apologetic shrug and leaned closer. “I’m sorry, dawg. I thought this would go a lot better.”

  “Don’t sweat it,” Bert replied. “You’ve been great. It’s not your fault. Robert said these trials are really more of a formality. Something tells me my fate may already be sealed. I really appreciate you doing this, though.”

  The last witness gave the best testimony. It was Brock, and she told the judges about the attack on the Underbelly, and how it was Bert and his friends who saved the community, while Carter and his crew stayed topside.

  When she finished, Eichman said, “You make a compelling argument for these young men. However, if Mr. Drake had obeyed the law, and informed Carter of the situation he was involved in, the attack on the Underbelly may have been prevented. And if not, the Hand could’ve moved people into position to save more lives. I’m half tempted to add your death count to his already egregious list of charges.”

  Brock snorted and laughed. “Right. Because the Hand of Magic has done so much to help the Underbelly in the past. Regardless of what charges have been levied against Bert, he and his friends saved our community, not the Hand. You people have never raised a finger to help us. Especially Carter.”

  Eichman glared at Brock for a moment before responding. “It is clear this character witness harbors a serious bias against the Hand of Magic, therefore her statements must be rendered irrelevant toward our decisions regarding this trial.”

  “Irrelevant?” Brock said, sneering. “Just like the Hand of Magic. How appropriate.”

  “Please remove this witness from my courtroom.”

  Brock gave Bert an apologetic look as she headed toward door. Bert gave her an appreciative nod in return.

  When Brock was gone the Regional Wizard Commander said, “Are there anymore witnesses?”

  Falcon’s usually happy demeanor had soured a bit. “No, ma’am. That was the last one.”

  “Okay then—”

  “Ma’am,” Falcon said, meeting her gaze. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re giving these guys a fair shake. In fact, you don’t really seem interested in a fair trial at all.”

  She laughed and said, “You’re the one representing them. Don’t be so bold as to think you can tell me how to run this trial. Furthermore, don’t try to blame me for your poor choices in character witnesses.”

  Falcon’s eyes went cold as ice and his scowl was every bit as ferocious as hers. “The only blame I seek to lay at your feet is an apparent, and disgusting, misuse of authority. It is clear you had a decision made long before this trial began, and nothing said here today would change your mind. And let me tell you, I’ve been around long enough to see the dangers of living in an echo chamber. That’s the most dangerous thing about you and your whole organization. You believe you’re always right, and you allow yourself no margin for error in that regard. Your arrogance is such that you believe yourself the good guy, but your self-righteousness blinds you, as it blinds all who follow their own ideologies with religious zeal. And it is your lack of self-awareness that makes you dangerous.”

  “Are you done?” Eichman asked.

  “No,” Falcon said. “I’m not, but I’ll be brief. I have only this left to say… Consider what you would’ve done were you in Waylon’s shoes. Can you honestly say you would’ve gone a different route? To save your friends? To save the people you love? The Hand of Magic should stand for law and order in the supernatural community, but should it not also stand for compassion and justice? Should you, and those in your position, should you not question your own views? Law and justice are not always the same. Sometimes a person must step outside of the law to do what is right. So, again, I ask only that you consider what you would’ve done were you in their shoes.”

  As soon as he finished, Eichman said, “All data has now been presented. We shall take council amongst ourselves to determine our verdict. Once determined, we will escalate all pertinent information to our leadership for immediate review. They will either validate or challenge our findings. If validated, they’ll provide a fair sentencing in accordance with Hand of Magic law, which we will then relay to you. Their decision is final and sentencing is to be carried out immediately. There is no appeal process for crimes of this magnitude, save if our leadership challenges the verdict which we’ve provided. If that is the case, there may be further deliberation at leadership’s discretion…We will now begin.”

  Much to Bert’s surprise, the judges’ palaver occurred where they sat. For some silly reason, he expected a short recess, or for them to at least walk out of the room. Instead, they sat right in front of everyone, their faces twitching occasionally as they communicated with one another by magical means. Based on the process she’d laid out, Bert expected it might take a while. He was wrong.

  In only a few minutes, Eichman said, “If I may have everyone’s attention, a verdict has been made, and agreed upon by leadership.”

  “Waylon, Robert, Simon, Neil, Hunter, Kevin, and Jim,” she said, glaring at them. “You’ve been found guilty on all charges.”

  Bert felt himself laughing, though he didn’t find any of this particularly funny. Jim took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. Neil looked bored, trying desperately not to react. Simon stared at the floor. Hunter crossed his arms and glared back at Eichman. Kevin and Robert both seemed on the brim of rage.

  Eichman continued, “Your sentencing is as follows…”

  “Wait,” Bert said, taking a step forward. Several of the brown-robed wizards took a step forward as well. He didn’t care. “With all due respect to your court and your authority, all charges should fall to me. I’m the one who caused all of this. As you said, I’m the instigator. All my friends did was try to save me. It’s not right that they should be punished for trying to help a friend. They committed no real crimes… Please, I beg of you… Let me take the punishment for all of their charges.”

  “They are adult members of the supernatural community,” Eichman said, snorting. “They are accountable for their own actions.”

  “This is bullshit, and you know it!” Bert said.

  “No,” Eichman said, shaking her head. “What’s bullshit, young man, is that you and your cohorts think it’s okay to act outside of the law. This was the largest supernatural battle to take place in the last hundred years on U.S. soil and you brought it to my region. Do you know how many bodies you left rotting in that meadow? I will not have it in my region, Waylon Drake. I will not abide outlaw justice, and I will not show you mercy. An example must be made.”

  “Then make it on me, you pompous bitch! Leave my friends out of it.”

  “Another word and I will fi
nd you in contempt!” she said, her massive frame trembling with rage.

  “Clearly you already have,” Bert said, laughing. “Look at yourself. Falcon was right. People like you are the reason everyone fears the Hand. And right they should. There’s no justice here.”

  Eichman raised her hand and a wave of raw energy smacked Bert in the chest, knocking him back against the bench. He caught himself and sat upright, glaring back her.

  “Stay seated,” she commanded.

  “Just tell me this,” Bert said. “As Falcon said, what would you have done differently? If everyone you cared about was in danger, what would you have done?”

  “It doesn’t matter,” she said. “Our verdict has been made and our leadership approved. It is now time for sentencing. Neil, Kevin, and Jim, for your crimes, you are hereby sentenced to one year in a minimum-security Hand of Magic correctional facility, followed by a three-year probation. From this moment forward, you are forever banned from practicing magic.”

  Murmurs rose from the crowd, and it took everything in Bert’s power to hold back the tears stinging in his eyes. What had he done? What horrors had he brought on his friends?

  Eichman continued, “Hunter, given your unique condition, you are hereby sentenced to be taken into the custody of the Hand of Magic’s research division. There is limited information on the true nature of lycanthropes, and for your crimes, your punishment will be to provide that necessary information. You will be held until it is determined you are no longer needed for research, and, only under the condition that your supernatural ability is no longer a threat to the general public.

  “Simon and Robert, you are both sentenced to six years in a minimum-security Hand of Magic correctional facility, followed thereafter by a ten-year probation. From this moment forward, you are forever banned from practicing magic.”

  Bert was frozen, tears streaming down his face. He couldn’t look at his friends. He couldn’t bear to see their faces. Whatever punishment she had in store for him, it wouldn’t touch the guilt he felt. This was all his fault. He’d ruined their lives. Neil’s harsh words from a few nights before echoed through his mind. Neil, Hunter, and Robert wouldn’t see their kids for years. Their wives and girlfriends would be gone, thinking their men had left them and run away. And they wouldn’t have magic anymore. And Hunter, what menace did they have in store for him? It was just as Uncle Tony feared. He’d be dissected like a lab rat.