Moonshine Wizard

by Phillip Drayer Duncan

  In the end, everything he’d done had been for nothing. Sure, he’d saved them from the monsters who stalked the night, but he’d only delivered them to the monsters who ruled the daylight.

  “Lastly,” Eichman said, and Bert forced his red rimmed eyes up to hers. “Waylon, for the malicious charges stacked against you and the gross misconduct which you’ve been found guilty of, I hereby sentence you to life in a maximum-security Hand of Magic correctional facility, with a chance for parole in twenty years. From this moment forward, not only are you banned from ever using magic, but your ability shall be cut off…”

  Gasps went up from the audience. Every wizard had heard the rumors, but no one really knew if it was true. It was said there was a process the Hand might use, but only against the most egregious of offenders—those who weren’t quite so bad as to be put to death—that would strip their body of the ability to do magic. It was said to wreck the mind and destroy the spirit. That it was a punishment worse than death.

  “And,” she continued, silencing the crowd. “You shall be blinded, so that you may not see a written word of magical text. And your tongue shall be removed, so that you may not again speak a word of power.”

  Bert stared at the floor. Around him, the noise of the crowd was a dull roar. They, too, were surprised by the brutality in his sentencing. Yet, he didn’t care. Let them remove his eyes. Then he couldn’t see the misery he’d caused those he loved. Let them remove his tongue, so that his words could not harm them further. Put him in a box, far, far away, so they he could never again cause them harm. It’s what he deserved.

  Why couldn’t he have just died? Why couldn’t one of his enemies just have finished him off? Why wasn’t his corpse rotting somewhere, while his friends remained safely at home? How had it come to this?

  Bert took a deep breath to steady himself. Behind him, his friends screamed at the injustice, selflessly standing up for him once again. They were prepared to fight. Even weaponless they were prepared to defend him to the death. He didn’t deserve that. He didn’t deserve anything.

  As the brown-robed wizards moved into to secure them, Eichman said, “With that, I officially conclude—”

  She paused mid-sentence, her face tilting upward. The two judges on either side of her sat upright and glanced at one another. Someone was communicating with them again, and judging by the flush on Eichman’s face, she didn’t like it.

  For several minutes, the whole room remained silent and motionless, waiting for the Wizard Commander to call an end to the trial. It was done. What more was there to discuss?

  And as the minutes ticked away, Eichman’s face grew redder and redder. She trembled with fury, occasionally glancing toward Bert, and each time, he thought she might kill him on the spot.

  When she finally spoke aloud, her voice teetered on the edge of rage. “Our superiors in the Hand of Magic have appealed and challenged the previous decision. A new verdict has been issued… All charges have been dropped.”

  “What?” Bert heard himself say. Was this even possible?

  “However,” she continued, gritting her teeth. “For his part in consorting with dark wizardry, Simon shall be required to carry out two years of probation, and his assigned officer will be…” She paused, her eyes widening in surprise. It was as if someone were feeding her a script she was forced to follow, and couldn’t believe the words coming out of her own mouth. “Waylon Drake.”

  “What?!” Bert repeated.

  There were surprised shouts from all around the room. Bert glanced over at his friends. Robert had his hands over his face, clearly in shock. Jim was balling like a baby while simultaneously laughing like a maniac. Simon was staring at Eichman like she’d just given him the Nobel Peace Prize. Hunter was scratching his head in utter confusion. Neil was dancing, badly. And Kevin, well, he was stomping a foot like Thumper. Someone in the back cheered, and Bert guessed it was Falcon.

  “And,” she said, pausing again like she was choking on bad medicine, “you are all to be commended for stepping up and putting your own safety on the line to help neutralize this dangerous situation… On behalf of the Hand of Magic, I formally thank you for your efforts in helping us resolve this perilous supernatural threat.”

  The courtroom fell deadly silent.

  Bert finally peeped his head up and said, “Uh... You’re welcome.”

  Eichman took a deep breath and said, “Waylon, you clearly have powerful friends. Good for you. But know this: I don’t ever want to hear your name again. You won’t get this lucky twice.”

  Bert nodded and the Regional Wizard Commander vanished. The trial was over.

  Bert stood in stoic silence, staring at his friends and trying to process all that had just occurred. Only moments after Eichman disappeared, a number of the brown-robed wizards approached with their weapons and offered to take them home. A few seconds later, they were teleported away.

  Chapter X

  They all reappeared at Bert’s house. Despite their victory in court, the emotional roller coaster ride had worn them all down, and everyone just wanted to go home. Before they left, Bert asked each of his friends if they’d seen what happened to Lilith. They hadn’t.

  He hugged each of them, and thanked them for all they’d done for him. For all they’d been willing to sacrifice on his behalf. If not for his friends, there was no question he’d have been dead a hundred times over. They’d stood with him through it all, and even in the court room, when judgment had been rendered, they’d been ready to fight for him again. His dad had always said that’d he be lucky if he could count his ‘real’ friends on one hand. Well, he needed more than one hand, and his dad was right. He was one lucky son of a bitch.

  When the others left, Bert, Kevin, and Simon sat alone in the living room, each lost in his own thoughts. After some time, Kevin said, “Bert, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

  “Go for it,” Bert replied.

  “You remember how you told me about when you were a kid... And then again with the bounty hunters… When you summoned the flames?”

  Bert nodded. “I summoned them again at the end of the battle. I don’t understand it either.”

  “I was going to ask about that,” Simon said. “Fire magic was never your forte.”

  “Right,” Kevin said, shaking his head. “It’s not that… It’s…”

  “What?” Kevin sat forward, meeting Bert’s gaze. “I was behind you, so I couldn’t really see that well, but… The flames didn’t come from your staff, Bert.”

  Simon’s eyebrows creased. “Yeah, Kevin’s right. I thought it was weird too. They didn’t come from your hands either.”

  “Okay,” Bert replied, taking it in. “Until this moment, it never occurred to me to consider what they came out of. Surely I didn’t fart them out, right? That would’ve been embarrassing.”

  “I don’t know,” Kevin said. “Like I said, I was behind you, but it looked like… They came out of your chest, or your head. I couldn’t see where exactly, but I just know they didn’t come from your staff or hands.”

  Bert considered this. It was strange. And each of the times it’d happened, he’d never been in a position to really pay attention to where the flames actually manifested from his body. Where the hell did they come from? What the hell kind of magic was it? And how the hell did he summon them?

  As if reading his thoughts, Kevin continued, “Look, I’m not the most well-read wizard, but I’ve never heard of a magic user…doing that. Whatever that was.”

  “Me neither,” Simon said. “And I’ve seen some weird shit these past few years.”

  Bert shrugged and after a moment, he said, “It’s a question for another day, guys.”

  “Agreed,” Kevin said, getting to his feet. “Now I need a shower.”

  “Save me some hot water,” Bert replied.

  Kevin stepped out of the room, then his head popped back around the corner. “Hey, uh, I just wanted to say… I’m sorry about Lilith.”
/>
  Bert nodded. “Thanks, man.”

  “Don’t worry, we’ll find her,” he said, ducking back around the corner.

  “So,” Simon said.

  “So,” Bert replied.

  “I guess you’re my probation officer.”

  “I guess I am.”

  “Are you going to be a hardass?”

  “Depends on you,” Bert replied. “You’ll definitely have to pee in a cup.”

  Simon chuckled. “Look, man…”

  Bert put up his hand. “Save it, Simon. Let’s have that talk another day, all right?”

  “All right,” Simon agreed. “I just… I don’t know what happens now. I don’t know how this probation thing works and I don’t even have a place to stay.”

  “I don’t know how it works either, but you do have a place to stay,” Bert replied, pointing toward the couch. “That’s yours for as long as you need it. Besides, we should probably stay close until we figure out how probation works.”

  “Seriously?” Simon asked. “After everything, you’re okay with me staying here?”

  “Of course,” Bert said. “We’re good, Simon.”

  “Thanks, man. You don’t know how much that means—”

  “You don’t know how much it meant when I saw you appear out there in that field.” There was an awkward pause, and Bert said, “You know, I think I’m going to take a walk. I’ll be back in a few. Just need to clear my head.”

  Simon nodded and stretched out on the couch. “Take your time, man. After all that, I need a nap.”

  Bert rose and glanced around his house. After all he’d been through, it felt strange and foreign to him, like something was missing. Or maybe, someone.

  He picked up Sharp and his staff and walked out of the house. Mindlessly, he let his feet choose their own direction, and in a few minutes, he was down at the creek bank, watching the water run by.

  It was peaceful, and that was pretty weird. He’d almost forgotten what peaceful felt like. He’d grown used to constantly looking over his shoulder in the past few days. And in fairness, he’d probably have to continue with that mentality. Chances were good some of his enemies would want revenge.

  And it wasn’t over. He was going to find Lilith, whatever it took. She might’ve betrayed him. She might’ve told a thousand lies. But in the end, when it came right down to it, she’d stuck by his side. She could’ve run, but instead, she’d fought by his side.

  Despite her injuries, and the chance she might’ve been taken by dark wizards, he refused to believe she was dead. No, she was out there, and goddamn it, he was going to find her.

  “You’re not sitting down here feeling sorry for yourself, are you?” a voice said from beside him.

  Bert jumped but didn’t bother to look up. He knew that voice. “What the hell, Uncle? Where have you been? I was starting to seriously worry.”

  Tony chuckled. “What’d you think? That the boogeyman got me?”

  “How the hell should I know? You weren’t answering me.”

  Tony shrugged. “Looks like you handled things well enough.”

  “I'm assuming that was you pulling strings in the courtroom?”

  Tony grinned.

  “What about Falcon and Farrah, my sworn protectors? Was that you as well?”

  Tony shook his head. “That one wasn’t me.”

  “Then who was it?”

  Tony shrugged.

  “Who else would hire someone to protect me?”

  Tony gave him a knowing look. “I can think of one person.”

  Bert met his gaze. “You think it was my dad?”

  “I don’t know. You’d have to ask them.”

  “Do you know what happened to Lilith?”

  “I can’t help you there either, kid.”

  “And I still don’t know who sent all of them to me in the first place. I mean, it’s too much of a coincidence that the woman I’ve been in love with forever happens to steal something powerful, and everyone they hire to find it subcontracts to me. Plus, Simon being involved. I just don’t buy it.”

  “You still haven’t figured that part out yet?” Tony asked, raising an eyebrow.

  Bert shook his head.

  Tony sighed. “It was me, Waylon.”

  “What?” Bert asked, “What do you mean?”

  “It’s not all that big of a mystery, kid. My contacts, if you will, found out about the theft. Hell, I would’ve been surprised if they hadn’t. We had people working to intercept her, but when I figured out who she was, I had a feeling I knew where she was headed. I had my squealers do their dirty work, get the word out to the right people, that there was a capable young wizard in the area they needed to utilize to remain anonymous. My guys did such a good job that your enemies thought your name came down from their employers.”

  “Why?” Bert asked, staring at his old mentor, a roller coaster of emotion surging through his mind. “Why would you do that to me?”

  Tony stared at him for a moment, his demeanor serious. “A few reasons. If I didn’t tell you, then when she got here there was a good chance you’d end up an unwitting victim. But if I did tell you, then you’d just try to save her and get yourself killed anyway. Since either option ended with you getting yourself killed, I thought of another way. I’ve been trying to get you to take this shit serious for years, and all you want to do is play bounty hunter and get drunk with your buddies. In the end, though, kid, this was bigger than your love for her. This was about obtaining proof that the dark forces are out there. That they’re gathering strength. That they’re building armies. I wanted to secure that proof, and in the process, I wanted you to see it. I wanted you to see the clowns, the Brotherhood, and all the dark wizards. I wanted you to know what’s really out there hiding in the shadows.”

  “But I lost the proof,” Bert said. “I lost the key. I mean, sure, a lot of wizards saw the gateway, but the Hand can keep them quiet if they want to.”

  “And they will,” Tony replied. “But you saw it. You know what’s really out there now.”

  “Yeah,” Bert replied, his temper rising. “But if you’d helped me, instead of tricking me, we might still have the key. You could’ve gotten me killed, Uncle! You could’ve gotten my friends killed!”

  Tony’s eyes went hard and Bert realized that he’d crossed the line. This time, though, he didn’t care.

  “You’re right, Bert,” he said, his voice measured. “I could’ve helped you. Just like I have in the past, and when it was over, you would’ve gone home, and carried on just the way you have been. Bert, listen close, and heed my words. When I chose to train you, it was because you’d seen what hell the monsters wrought. You believed in standing up to fight. To protect people.”

  “I still do,” Bert said.

  “No, you don’t,” Tony said. “Sure, you help when your back is to the wall, but for the past few years you’ve sulked around your little neck of the woods and felt sorry for yourself. What happened to the kid that wanted to save the world? What happened to that little boy who wanted to fight the darkness? The man who wanted to protect people?”

  Bert didn’t reply.

  “You’ve sat on the sidelines for too long, kid,” Uncle Tony said, crossing his arms. “You saw what was out there… Do you think that’s the only dark wizard fortress? Do you think Nero is the only asshole convincing stupid kids to go rogue? Do you think the clowns are the only ‘extinct’ monsters roaming from planet to planet mutilating the innocent? Dark days are coming, Bert. A storm is brewing.”

  Tony paused and Bert started to see the bigger picture. “So, this was another test?”

  Tony nodded. “The test to become a wizard is a joke. I needed to know that I’d taught you well enough to survive the bad shit. A bull rider ain’t a bull rider until he gets on the back of a bull. A sword isn’t a sword until it’s been tempered in flame. I needed to know you were ready. Mark my words, Bert… Much worse things are coming.”

  “So, then, if this was a
test, how’d I do?”

  “You’re alive. Your friends are alive. A big pile of supernatural assholes are dead. Some members of the Hand saw proof of a dark wizard army. You did damned good, kid.” Tony paused, then grinned. “Besides, I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t think you were ready. I knew you’d get it done.”

  “But I couldn’t protect Lilith,” Bert said, looking up at him. “Was that part of the test, too? Finding out the truth?”

  He nodded and a look of sorrow crossed his weathered features. “This life we lead… Fighting the good fight. It forces us to learn the truth about the world. The truth about the people we care about. Those truths are often darker and harder to bear than we think we can handle. Yes, Bert, I needed you to see that.”

  “I still want to find her.”

  “Of course you do,” he replied, slapping Bert on the back. “And I think you will. And I think we’ll find your father, too.”

  “You think so?” Bert asked.

  “Yes, I do,” Tony said, his eyes scanning the horizon. “But you need to be ready, Bert. The tests are over. I’ve done everything I can to get you ready. Believe me, I didn’t want to trick you, but we’re running out of time. I had to know you could handle the impossible odds. That you wouldn’t give up.”

  “Actually,” Bert said, looking at his old mentor, “I get it. I really do, Uncle. And you’re right. I have slacked for too long. I’ve learned a lot these past few days. I should probably be thanking you. Instead, let me say this… I’ll be ready. Whatever’s coming, I’ll be ready.”

  “Good,” he replied, grinning. “You’ll need to be...Moonshine Wizard.”

  And then he was gone.