Wanting to Love You (Houston's Finest Book 3)

by Erin Rylie

  He spotted Kate and Jesse coming down the escalator from the terminal. Jesse had a tight grip on his wife’s hand, but looked otherwise fine. Reese knew better than anyone that outward appearance didn’t always match what was going on inside. When they were younger, Becky had once described Reese as an iceberg—he showed so little on the surface but was a wealth of emotion and feeling deep down. She supposed he was right, even if the analogy was a bit overused.

  By the time his brother reached him, Reese had pushed aside his trepidation and focused on the part of him that was excited to see Jesse. They so rarely traveled to see each other. Jesse worked hard and had a full family to take care of, and Reese had always been loath to take a vacation, married to his job as he was.

  He reached out to give Jesse their customary firm handshake, but was surprised when his brother batted his hand away and pulled him into a tight hug. Reese squeezed his brother back, not a word spoken between them as they took silent comfort in the embrace. Their mother was loved by everyone who ever met her, but nobody would ever love her like they did, and they were losing her so young.

  When Jesse finally broke their embrace, Reese stepped up to Kate and wrapped her in his arms as well. They didn’t know each other as well as Reese would’ve liked, but he knew that she was good for Jesse and their kids, and that was all that mattered.

  Kate stepped back and wiped tears from her eyes. “This sucks,” she said simply.

  Reese laughed despite the dour mood of their reunion. “Yeah, it really fucking does. Did you check any bags?”

  Jesse nodded. “Just one.”

  They collected Jesse and Kate’s bag from the baggage carousel and exchanged small talk. Reese told them about his job in Houston, and regaled them with stories about Carlos. By the time they got to his car in short-term parking, Kate was insistent that Reese had to be exaggerating.

  “No grown man behaves that way! Much less a police officer with a family.”

  Reese shrugged and shook his head. “You’ll believe it when you see it. I’ll invite him to dinner with us one night.”

  He drove them to their hotel, which was close to their mother’s apartment. They’d considered getting a rental car, but had decided that it was close enough to walk. Reese had tried to explain that people in Houston didn’t really walk anywhere, but they insisted it would be fine. He dropped the subject but resolved to give them rides back to their hotel late at night. The city was safe, but he didn’t like taking any chances.

  When the three of them were in the hotel room, and Jesse and Kate had settled their belongings on a luggage cart, Reese sat down on the couch in their small living room. The extended-stay hotel had a small kitchen as well as dining and living areas. The expense couldn’t be small, but Jesse did well at his job, so Reese knew that they could afford it. His brother was meticulous at budgeting and probably had a rainy-day fund set aside for such a situation.

  His brother and sister-in-law joined him in the living room, sharing the small love seat perpendicular from the couch Reese sat on.

  “So,” Kate started.

  Reese scrubbed his hands down his face. The last hour had been amazing—it had been such a huge relief to be in the presence of family that he’d been able to push their reason for coming to Houston from his mind.

  “So I’ve hired a service that will provide Mom with nursing care throughout the night, and I figure we can just do our best to spend the days with her. I had a blow-up mattress set up in the living room, but when I mentioned it to her she threatened to pop it with a knife. So I think it’s safe to say she won’t let us stay overnight. She’s also insistent that she doesn’t really need overnight care, but the doctor told me that we needed to prepare for the days when she wouldn’t be able to take care of herself. I’ve also set up hospice services, and they’ll let us know when the time comes for us to provide around-the-clock care.”

  Jesse got right down to the logistics of it. He’d always had an analytical brain, and Reese knew that thinking about things like the cost involved would ease his mind and take some of the stress out of the situation for him.

  “Send me an email with all of the expenses involved with this so that we can work out payment options. I want to at the very least split it with you. I have some money set aside for this, just in case, so I can take on even more of the expense depending on how much you can afford.”

  “I had hoped that I wouldn’t need to use it, but I set aside a pretty decent chunk of money when Mom got sick the first time, too. I should be able to pay my part, but we can work that out. How long are you two staying?”

  Kate reached out to take Jesse’s hand between both of hers, squeezing and applying pressure. “Jesse will stay until the end. I’ll be here for a week and then I need to go home and check in on the kids. They’re staying with my parents for the time being. When it’s time, I want to bring them down to say goodbye.”

  Reese nodded, trying not to focus on how clinical their discussion made all of this sound. What they were going through wasn’t easy, but he was grateful that he wasn’t going through it alone. Becky had offered him emotional support when he most needed it, and now his brother was here to carry some of the burden.

  “I have some additional news to give you.”

  Jesse’s brow furrowed, and he looked up to briefly meet Reese’s eyes.

  “Good news, I hope?” Kate asked.

  Reese couldn’t help the smile that bloomed when he thought of his son. “Great news. Jesse, I know you remember Becky. I don’t know how much he’s told you, Kate, but she was my high-school sweetheart, and things ended…badly.”

  Kate nodded for him to continue, and Reese had to wonder how much of the story she knew. “Well, she recently came back into my life by chance, and it turns out we have a son. I won’t go into it, but she had reasons for not telling me about him.” He heard the bitterness in his own voice and tried to swallow it down.

  His brother gestured for him to keep talking, and Reese found himself spilling the whole story. He found that it was relatively therapeutic to get it all out, and telling the story from both his and Becky’s sides helped him put them together. It was as if by telling them both he was able to overlap them and finally see how well the pieces of it all fit. He realized belatedly that he’d had doubts about the truth in Becky’s story, but everything together made sense.

  When he got to the present-day portion of the story, he even told Kate and Jesse about the two of them tentatively getting back together. It wasn’t something he’d planned to tell them, wanting to keep that portion of his relationship with Becky to himself, but maybe he’d needed to say it out loud for it to seem real. Honestly, he also wanted the opinions of two people he trusted implicitly. He was so terrified of getting his heart broken again, but also entirely consumed by the feeling of rightness he felt when Becky was in his arms.

  After he’d finished his story, he went to the kitchen and filled a glass with water, gulping it down to quench his dry mouth while his brother and sister-in-law processed everything. He’d thrown a lot of information at them in the midst of an already serious family crisis, and felt a moment of panic that he’d dumped all of his problems on two people who had problems of their own.

  Something about being in a room with Jesse made him want to bare his soul, though. His brother had always been his sounding board and his source of solid advice. That role had extended to Kate when they’d gotten married. Kate was as logical as Jesse but in her own way, and he found that he was anxious to hear their take on everything.

  “When do we get to meet Ryker?” Jesse’s quiet question broke the silence in the room.

  “I was thinking that this weekend we could focus on getting Mom settled at home and getting the two of you groceries and essentials that you need in the hotel room. Ryker just found out about y’all this morning, so I think it’s a good idea to give him some time to accept it before meeting everyone.”

  His brother nodded. “It never occurred to
me that you might have an autistic child when I didn’t have any. I just always assumed that if the gene was passed, it would be through my own line.”

  “Genetics are weird. I think you’ll really love him. He reminds me of you in so many ways. He loves solving puzzles. He thinks things through before he speaks, and on a regular basis, he really blows me away with his quick mind.”

  Kate smiled at Reese. “I think it’s safe to say we’re both excited to meet him and welcome him into the family. How are you feeling about the Becky situation? I knew the bare bones of your history with her, but hearing the whole story for the first time makes it all feel like some kind of soap opera.”

  He couldn’t help but chuckle—it did sound like an incredibly dramatic past if you looked at it from the outside, he supposed. “I can’t lie and tell you I don’t have doubts about it. We’ve already been through so much that it all seems insurmountable.”

  “In the time I’ve been with your brother, I’ve only met one or two of the women you’ve dated, but I can tell you that I knew immediately you weren’t serious about them. When Jesse told me about Becky, I wondered if she was what was holding you back, and I really think she might have been. No couple has an easy road to happiness, and even marriage is a constant struggle. The thing about relationships is they require work, maintenance, communication, and dedication. If you’re willing to put all of that in, you can overcome anything—I truly believe that.”

  His brother spoke up, his hand still wrapped in his wife’s. “I agree with Kate. My Asperger’s has kept our relationship interesting, and I’ve had to learn how to get past my mental barriers to let someone in. Understanding social cues is challenging for me, so Kate has had to adjust to that and tell me what’s going on instead of assuming that I’ll catch onto things on my own. It’s been hard work, but for us, it has always been worth it. Is your future with Becky worth the effort? I think that’s the only question you need to ask yourself.”

  “You also need to decide if you’re clinging to her because of the emotional state you’re in right now. Do you just need someone to hold you together? Or is she the person that you want to go through all of your rough times with?” Kate added.

  “I don’t know. I want to say that I’m with her because of how I feel about her, independent of the shit that’s going on right now, but my worry is that my feelings now are the feelings of seventeen-year-old Reese. The teenager in me will always love her, but is she right for me now that I’m an adult?”

  Reese shrugged. This was all so confusing and overwhelming. Being with Becky felt right, as it always had. The issue had never been the two of them alone. Ultimately their relationship had fallen apart because they’d failed to communicate. Yes, her parents were responsible for everything that had happened, but if they had communicated with one another instead of running scared and harboring resentment, maybe they could’ve worked through things. If they were faced with a similar situation now, would they handle it the same way?

  He supposed only time would tell.

  Shortly after they’d wrapped up their conversation about Becky, the three of them had headed to the hospital to visit their mom. When they walked into her room, she was awake and walking around, collecting the clothes that she had with her. When it had become clear that she’d be staying at the hospital for a while so that they could fully diagnose her and discuss her treatment options, Reese had gone to her apartment and picked up some clothes and toiletries to make her feel as at home as was possible in a hospital.

  When they came through the door, she immediately turned from her packing to face them. As soon as she saw Jesse and Kate, the grin that took over her face was incandescent. She crossed the room and wrapped Jesse in a huge hug, her small form wrapping around the much bigger man’s middle. Reese could hear that murmur of a quiet conversation taking place between them, but couldn’t make out the exact words. After a couple of moments of quiet speech, Jesse’s head fell and Reese could see his shoulders shaking.

  He looked away from their private moment, feeling the tickle of tears in his eyes and the pain of withholding them creeping up his throat. In that moment, it all slammed into Reese anew. This was happening. His mother wouldn’t be in their life much longer. That Jesse was here made it more real. If his mom had a chance at survival, Jesse and Kate would visit, but Jesse was here for months—until the end.

  He turned to face the rest of the room, knowing that he needed to compose himself and be the one in control in this situation. Jesse needed their mom’s support today, and Reese didn’t want to take any of her attention from his brother. If he could just keep himself together for the rest of the day, he could fall into Becky’s arms tonight and let it all out. He knew that he was leaning on her heavily, but sometimes it felt like she and Ryker were all that could keep him together right now.

  After Jesse had pulled away from their mom, she hugged Kate and thanked her for coming as well before turning to Reese. “Sneaky, not telling me they were coming. Thank you for surprising me. I can’t remember the last time I had both of my boys in the same place for more than a week.”

  Reese smiled at the joy Jesse had brought his mother and was glad that the three of them would be together in the end. Nothing about this was okay or easy, but at least his mom would know she was loved.

  “Let’s get you home so we can all sit down and catch up over dinner.”

  “Yes. Get me the hell out of this hospital. I’ve spent too much of my life in hospitals already—I don’t want to die in one.”

  Reese winced at the stark reminder that they were taking her home to die slowly, but fought to keep a smile on his face. She didn’t need his grief; she needed his love and support. He helped her finished packing and threw her bag over his shoulder. As they finished getting ready to leave, one of the nurses came into the room and had Beth sign a few more discharge papers so that they could head out. The nurse then gave his mom a hug and a small gift basket from the hospital staff, reminding him that anyone who met his mother fell in love with her.

  She just had this warm, inviting personality that made people feel cherished instantly. It drew people to her, and for years had made her the center of Reese’s life, his only constant source of love and support.

  The drive to his mother’s apartment was short, and within no time they were sitting around the kitchen table eating delicious BBQ that Reese had ordered from a nearby hole-in-the-wall restaurant he and his mom both loved. They’d filled dinner with talk of Kate and Jesse’s life—their jobs and how the kids were doing in school. When their plates were all empty, Reese cleared them from the table and brought over the pie he’d added to their order. His mom was of the firm belief that a meal wasn’t complete without dessert, so he knew better than to order BBQ without pie.

  Nervousness firmly riding him, he decided now was the time to tell his mom about Ryker. The encouraging look he got from Kate said that she agreed.

  “I actually have some pretty big news that I think you’ll be excited to hear, Mom.”

  His mom looked up from her slice of apple pie. “Oh? Did you get promoted at work? Did you finally decide to take the detective’s exam?”

  “No.” Reese smiled at her enthusiasm. “It’s actually personal, not work related. Recently, Becky and I have reconnected, and it’s a long story, but we have a son together. His name is Ryker and he’s nine. I think you’ll love him, and I really want you to meet him this week if you’re up for it.”

  He’d expected to see surprise on his mom’s face, and he did, but it was quickly followed by confusion. For a couple of moments she refused to meet his eye, and the chill of foreboding crept up his spine.

  “Mom? What’s going on?”

  She took a deep breath as if steeling herself, and he could tell that her smile was forced. “Nothing, dear. That’s amazing! I can’t believe I have another grandchild I didn’t know about. I’m excited to meet him.”

  Her words lacked their usual warmth, so alarm bells start
ed going off in his head. She seemed surprised, sure, but why was she confused? Something wasn’t right here. “Mom, I need you to tell me the truth. You aren’t taking the news like I expected you would.”

  She shook her head and again forced a smile to her face. “No truth to tell, Reese! I’m really happy for you. I know that you’ve never really been able to get over Becky, and goodness knows you need something in your life besides work and the gym. I’m genuinely happy to hear that you have a family to take care of, and one that will take care of you when I’m gone.”

  Her words made sense, but the stricken expression that flitted over her features just didn’t fit what she was telling him. He thought back to those days following his breakup with Becky. His mom had been there for him and had told him that he’d made the right decision, and that as hard as it was now, it would get better. She’d told him repeatedly that he was making the best choice for both his future and Becky’s. Looking back on it, it seemed like she’d known more than he’d told her, more than she should know. He’d told her that Becky’s parents had threatened to disown her if he didn’t walk away, but had told her nothing of the threat they’d placed on him and his future.

  Knowing now that Becky’s parents had been aware of the pregnancy, pieces started to click into place. After her parents had left his apartment and his mom had come home, he’d told her the decision he had to make and she had pushed him to cut ties. She’d said that it would be healthier for the both of them to part ways now. At the time he had been too consumed by his own grief and frustration to analyze what she was saying, but something about it all struck him as odd with all of the information in front of him.

  When they’d first reunited, Becky had mentioned that she’d called him repeatedly, but he’d never gotten any calls from her after he’d left. He had been heartbroken over the breakup and knew in hindsight that if she’d called him multiple times, he eventually would have answered. He was too blind and in love then—as a teenager he definitely wouldn’t have been strong enough to stay away if she hadn’t done the same.