Forgetting to Breathe

by Megan E. Bean

  “Uh huh,” she replied and I could tell that she didn’t believe me. How dare she?

  “I’m serious!” I protested and put another token in.

  “May I?” She motioned towards the wheel and I nodded. She moved to reach the reel, lightly grazing me with her body. She was so warm and smelled so good—like vanilla. I breathed her in as she pulled down on the lever. I took note of how she still stood against my body, watching the wheel spin.

  “Boom!” She cheered. I looked at the reel. Ten thousand.

  “No way! Now that is a fluke!”

  “Ha, you wish, Engles,” she stated and I wondered if I had imagined the flirty tone. She was still touching me. And I could do nothing but look at her lips again. Snap out of it.

  “You know, one time I won so many tickets that they had to exchange the ticket roll just for me,” I boasted.

  “No way,” she protested, but a smile was still on her face.

  “Yes way. I’m the reigning champion of Fish Reel.”

  “Oh, really? Do you get a trophy for that?” she taunted and, unfortunately, moved away from me so that I could collect the tickets.

  “Yeah, it’s on display in my bedroom,” I joked with her as I rolled all of the tickets up and put them in the small bucket.

  “I would love to see it sometime,” she said and I internally freaked out. She would love to see my bedroom? Did that mean what I thought it did? Was I overthinking?

  “You would love to see my bedroom?” Fuck it. I asked.

  “I…I didn’t mean it like that,” she stuttered and it was the first time I had seen her blush and get embarrassed. I liked it.

  “Uh huh,” I drawled, throwing a smirk her way. She seemed to visibly relax a little when she saw that I was joking around with her.

  “So, how many tickets did you win that fateful day, Ms. Champion?” She leaned back against the glass with her arms crossed, casually.

  “For your information, it was a hundred thousand on one roll,” I proudly stated and she just laughed.

  “You are very proud of that, huh, Engles?”

  I nodded. We were suddenly locked in a stare again. One of those stares that suffocated me. I didn’t know what to say, and I don’t think she did either. Our smiles faded and we were just locked in each other’s eyes.

  She opened her mouth to start to say something, but stopped herself.

  “What?” I asked, softly.

  “Nothing,” she said, looking back at the game. “Let’s see you hit the hundred thousand, Engles.”

  “Hey, where did Sadistic Sadie go?” Jennifer was behind us now, and I cringed at her wording, hoping that Keira wasn’t offended. She let out a loud laugh and I breathed a sigh of relief.

  “She, uh…” she trailed off for a second. “Actually, fuck it. She doesn’t know how to have fun,” she disclosed, ending with a chuckle.

  “Ya don’t say?” Jennifer said playfully. “I don’t mean to impose, but what are you doing with her?”

  Keira froze up a bit, causing my best friend to backpedal.

  “Not trying to be mean, and you don’t have to answer. I was just curious, because you seem really laidback and fun.”

  “Yeah, we are really different,” Keira answered, and I wasn’t sure if she was going to explain further. After a moment she continued. “We kind of started a summer fling and I don’t know. It just carried over into the fall.” She was staring at the ground. “I don’t want to sound mean. She is a really good person,” she said and looked back up at us. “Well, decent at least.” She laughed, causing us to join in.

  “Why don’t you just end things with her?” I asked, surprising myself.

  “I don’t know. Because I’m a chicken? I’m used to her being around? I don’t want to hurt her, mainly,” she answered.

  Internally, I was jumping up and down, cheering and screaming. Would I have a chance with her? This seemed too good to be true.

  “I get that,” Jenny simply replied.

  “So, you guys are pretty happy, huh?” she asked us both, but was looking into my eyes.

  “Yeah, we are,” my fake girlfriend replied quickly and grabbed my hand. I wanted to kill her. Great, now Keira is going to think she never has a chance with me. I know this was part of our plan, but why did we have to act like such a good, stable couple?

  “That’s good. I’m happy for you guys,” she said, flatly, before returning her attention to the game. “Anyways, we have a hundred thousand tickets to win.”

  * * * *

  After the double date (if you can consider it that) I was feeling pretty good. I learned that Keira was not in love with Sadie. It was the best news I could have gotten. There were still obstacles to overcome, though. First, the two girls had to break up. Secondly, me and Jenny had to break up. And finally, I didn’t even know if Keira was interested in me. I mean, yes, we had a couple of flirty moments, but it could also just be that we were becoming close friends.

  There were also the repercussions of their break up. Would Sadistic Sadie try to kill? Okay, I know that is overdramatic. But would she make my life a living hell? Oh my God, would she try to fight me?

  As I laid in bed, overthinking everything, I received a text message. I put in my lock code and smiled when I saw the text.

  Mitchell: What’s up, Engles?

  My God, even the way she texted was amazing. I was a sucker for proper punctuation.

  Me: Just lying in bed, thinking about the meaning of life. You know, the usual.

  Mitchell: Very profound.

  I stared at my phone, smiling at it like an idiot. I didn’t know what to say, but luckily that didn’t matter because another text came in.

  Mitchell: So, you and Jenny inspired me. I broke up with Sadie after the other night.

  Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. I checked the number that was texting me, to make sure it wasn’t someone pranking me. This was too good to be true.

  Me: How did she take it?

  I immediately overthought my text. Was it too uncaring? I should have asked her how she was doing.

  Mitchell: Eh. Okay, I guess.

  Okay, she guesses? How could anyone take it okay? Keira was amazing. I would cry until I didn’t have any tears left in my body if she dumped me. Okay, I’m being overdramatic again.

  Me: That’s good. And how are you taking it?

  Mitchell: Well. I mean, it’s a little lonely so far. But she wasn’t great company to begin with.

  I smiled and began typing my reply, but was interrupted by another response.

  Mitchell: Plus, I have a new texting buddy who’s keeping me company right now.

  My heart fluttered. Oh my gosh. She meant me, right? Of course she did. I was being stupid. I rushed my next reply to her.

  Me: Jenny and I broke up, too.

  Oh my God! Why did I say that? Would she think I was desperate for her? Mocking her? What would Jenny say? What was I going to say if she asked why? My heart was pounding as I waited on her reply. Two minutes had passed and nothing.

  Finally, my phone buzzed.

  Mitchell: I’m so sorry. What happened? Are you okay?

  She was smart enough to ask me if I was okay. I failed to do that before asking about Sadie. Okay, I’m overthinking again. I had to think clearly. What should I say?

  Me: We just decided we were better as friends.

  I was satisfied with that answer. There would be no awkward break up to act out. I thought Jennifer would be proud of that answer.

  Mitchell: And…Are you okay?

  I smiled. She was so sweet.

  Me: Yeah, I’m fine. It was for the best.

  Mitchell: Well, I’m glad you’re okay, Engles.

  Mitchell: Welcome to the single life. Party of two.

  Me: Ha ha. Are we starting a support group?

  Mitchell: That’s a great idea. I have an idea for our first support group meeting.

  Me: And that is…?

  Mitchell: I have a golf tournament tomo
rrow. After I win, we can hang out there?

  After she wins. She was so cocky. I liked it.

  Me: After you win, huh?

  Me: Yeah, that sounds good. :)

  Was the smiley face too much?

  Mitchell: Cool, I will call you in the morning and give you the details. Looking forward to our first meeting. :)

  I smiled at my phone. The smiley face was not too much, apparently.

  Chapter 5

  I woke up early the next morning. I was almost too excited to sleep. I made my way down to the kitchen and was greeted by my mother.

  “What’s got you so chipper this morning?” she asked, smiling at me.

  “Oh, nothing,” I replied and took a seat at the counter, grabbing an orange and peeling it.

  “Uh huh,” she said, eyeing me.

  “Okay, fine.” She could see right through me, so I might as well confess. Plus, I was too thrilled to hide it. “I’m going to see this girl today.”

  “This girl? You sure have moved into this gay lifestyle quickly,” she replied and laughed. I told her about me coming out to my friends, the night that it happened. She told me that she had her thoughts about it. She took it well and I wasn’t surprised. My mother was very open and loved my brother and I more than anything.

  “Shut up,” I chuckled and continued, “Well, she’s playing in a golf tournament today and she invited me to hangout afterwards.”

  “A golf tournament?” she asked, surprised.

  “She’s the captain of the golf team,” I said, proudly.

  “So, my daughter is into jocks. Not the direction I saw this going.” She smiled, joking with me.

  “Yeah, well. I’m a sucker for khakis and polos, I guess,” I sarcastically replied while she poured me a glass of milk.

  “What time is your date?” she asked me.

  “It’s not a date, Mom.” She rolled her eyes at my response. “But she called earlier and said around five.”

  “Well, I’m going out to church in a few, so I won’t be here to tell you good luck, so good luck,” she said in a sweet, dorky manner.

  “Thanks, Mom. Have fun praising Jesus.” I laughed as she scowled at me. She hated when I disrespected the Lord’s name.

  * * * *

  I pulled up to the clubhouse and barely found a place to park my car. It was like a geriatric convention here. I expected there to be a younger crowd, given that Keira was playing.

  The course was beautiful. There were towering trees everywhere, beautiful bushes that were perfectly manicured, a fountain was in the center of the circle in front of the big, wooden doors. I had no clue where to go. I had never stepped foot on a golf course.

  As I pushed open one of the heavy doors, I was cheerfully greeted by the pro shop attendant.

  “Hey there! Golfing today or just enjoying the tournament? I’m afraid that the tournament is almost over,” the attendant spoke almost too fast for me to understand. He was an older man—skinny, white trimmed beard, extremely tan to the point where his skin looked like leather. But his smile was infectious.

  “Oh, no. I’m just here to meet up with a friend after she’s done in the tournament.”

  “Miss Keira?” I nodded and he continued, “You must be Ashley. She was so excited you were coming. Don’t tell her I said that, though.” He winked at me and walked around from behind the counter. “Here, follow me. She saved a seat for you by the eighteenth hole.”

  She saved a seat for me? She was excited?

  We walked through the glass doors in the back of the room and were now on a porch-like area. We were right in front of the hole eighteen green, the attendant, Ted, told me. There was a small iron table with two chairs in the corner that he seated me at.

  “Can I get you anything to drink?

  “Oh, no thank you. I’m fine,” I replied, and he gave me another sweet smile.

  “Okay, well Keira should be playing this hole now. She will come find you after she’s done. Enjoy.” He waved goodbye and I smiled at him.

  I turned my attention to the course and saw two golf carts coming closer. I squinted, trying to see if it was her or not. They parked and climbed out of the carts and I spotted her. She grabbed a club out of her bag and stood, propping herself against it as the other players hit their balls. I noticed that she was further ahead than any of them.

  Her competitors were all older than her. One was an older gentleman in a bright green polo and white shorts. The other—his partner, I was assuming, was an older lady in a pink shirt, white skirt, and flowered sun visor. Maybe they were married. The person who was in the cart with Keira looked to be middle-aged. He had longer hair, but looked very serious.

  It was Keira’s turn to hit her golf ball and I smiled, watching as she lifted her head from her club, to the green. She did it three times before she was satisfied and swung the club. The ball flew up to the green, rolling to a stop just a couple of feet from the flag.

  I scooted my chair closer to the railing, so that I could get a better look. She parked her cart and, again, waited for the other players to swing before she did.

  Finally, she walked onto the green and positioned her club. She looked so good. She was wearing a red polo with our school’s mascot—an armadillo, on it. Her khakis fit perfectly on her. She had a Callaway baseball hat on, keeping the sun out of her face. She focused on her club, then back up to the flag. That’s when she noticed me and smiled. I gave her a small wave and she tried to regain her composure quickly. Focusing again, she hit the ball at just the right angle and I heard the ball swirl around in the cup. She had made it.

  She leaned down to pick up the ball as people cheered. She gave me a wide smile and shrugged. She was ridiculous.

  She gave her club to her caddie and made a beeline for me.

  “Hey,” she said, casually, climbing the stairs up to my table.

  “Hey, you.” I smiled as she sat down next to me. “What are you doing up here?”

  “I wanted to say hi to my number one fan,” she said, grinning at me. I slapped her arm, playfully. “Plus, I have to wait for these old geezers to get done so they can announce the winner.”

  “Do you think you have a chance at winning?” I asked.

  She looked at me, offended. “Uh, yeah. Did you see that last hole I just played? Come on, Engles,” she boasted.

  We sat there, making small talk until the manager at the golf course stood in front of us all and announced the winners. Guess who won?

  “The winner of the tournament and also winner of the longest drive…No surprise here, folks—Keira Mitchell!” he shouted as the audience all around us applauded and cheered. She gave me a knowing look at smirked, cockily, before walking up to accept the ginormous trophy. It was so big it was almost comical.

  She thanked the course and a few members of the staff. She also mentioned how it was a great tournament and her competitors were amazing and that it was an honor. For someone so cocky, she sure was very humble.

  She walked back over to our table and plopped the golden trophy down.

  “Told you I would win,” she said and stuck her tongue out at me.

  “It was probably rigged,” I replied.

  “Oh yeah?” She raised her eyebrow at me. “And how could it be rigged?”

  “You know, like in Space Jam where they had like, magnets in the balls or something.” I pulled that out of thin air.

  She looked at me with a blank stare for a moment before busting out laughing. “You’re ridiculous.” We shared a smile, and I never wanted the moment to end. “Anyways, wanna go golf?”

  * * * *

  We went to the driving range and Keira tried her best to teach me how to swing the club.

  “I feel like I look like I’m constipated doing this,” I said, frustrated at the weird position I had to be in.

  “Just think of it as, like, twerking, but not shaking your butt,” she said, seriously. I turned back around at her and gave her a blank stare. She laughed loudly. “Wel
l hey, at least your butt looks nice,” she emphasized and wiggled her eyebrows.

  It was my turn to laugh now. “I knew there was some secret motive behind this date,” I said and immediately regretted my words. Date?

  “Date?” she asked, staring at me. I couldn’t read her.

  “Day. I said day,” I came up with the excuse of her mishearing me.

  “Uh huh,” she replied, a smile forming on her lips. “Anyways, let’s get this show on the road, Engles,” she finished, grabbing my club and walking towards the golf cart, I noticed that her butt looked good, good. “Do you want to drive?” she asked and I shook my head.

  “This place is too big. I don’t want to get us lost.”

  She smiled and put the cart into gear and drove us to the first tee box. I was very intimidated and very afraid that I was going to embarrass myself.

  “Do you want to go first?” she asked me. She was so sweet, but there was no way I was going first. I declined and she chuckled, grabbing her driver and making her way between the two red markers. She bent over to put her tee and golf ball in place and I couldn’t help but check her out. My God, she was hot. What did I do to deserve being here with her?

  She took a few practice swings before adjusting her hat and taking her final swing. I watched as the ball jetted through the air, landing so far down the fairway that I couldn’t see it.

  “You ready?” she asked, placing a tee and ball on the tee box for me. I timidly walked forward and grabbed the driver from her. I was so nervous. I didn’t want to embarrass myself and make her not like me.

  I tried to remember the position she had taught me and judging by her silence, I had gotten that right. I took a couple of practice swings but wasn’t satisfied with them.

  “Here, let me show you something.” She got behind me, wrapping her arms around me and her hands onto the grip. She moved my fingers into position, explaining why they went where, but I just nodded. I had no clue what she was saying. Her body was gently rubbing against mine and my mind was mush.