Secret Desires (Roughshod Rollers MC Book 4)

by Mia Ford

  “On occasion,” I say lightly. “When important guests are over.”

  I can almost feel her simmering at the dig. I lead the way into the kitchen.

  “Coffee or tea?” I ask.

  “Tea, please,” she says stiffy, and sits gingerly on a wooden chair.

  It’s the very chair Georgia and I made out on. I get some perverse amusement out of that, despite everything that’s going on between the two of us now, as well as Georgia’s likely now looming farewell.

  I make Polly her tea and carry it over to the table.

  “Shouldn’t you be at work?” Polly asks, eyeing my casual clothes suspiciously.

  “I took the day off,” I say with a shrug.

  I really need to get my boss a bottle of bourbon or something, with how amazing he’s been lately. Polly sniffs, disapproving.

  “Can you afford that?” she asks coldly.

  “I’m on a salary, and my boss is giving me a sick day after I told him that my ex-wife, who’s trying to take custody of our daughter after she abandoned her ten years ago, was coming to speak to me about it,” I say.

  I take a sip of my coffee as Polly gapes. It’s probably a shock to her that I’ve told anyone other than Georgia about what’s going on. Which is actually funny, because Georgia is the only person I haven’t told.

  “I see,” Polly says in a strangled voice. She sips at her tea. “That was…kind of him.”

  “It was,” I say. I nod at the folder. “What’s in there?”

  Polly visibly rouses herself.

  “Some forms for you to sign, as well as some other documents,” she says. “I spoke to Warrick, and we’ve decided to offer you a deal. Due to Warrick’s standing, we wouldn’t like to be caught up in a legal custody battle anymore than you would. So, we’re willing to offer you some money, as well as whatever visitation rights you want, to sign Lily’s custody over to us.”

  I nod slowly.

  “I see,” I say simply. “How nice of the both of you to think that money and visitation rights will be enough to make me give up my daughter.”

  Polly’s face twitches.

  “If this goes to court, you won’t get much in the way of visitation rights at all, if any,” she points out.

  “I’m aware of that possibility,” I say.

  “My mother is a witness, as is my brother and my best friend,” Polly says. She withdraws some documents. “They’ve all written a statement about what they remember of our break-up.”

  I look over the statements curiously. Every single one of them accuses me of abusing Polly and expresses concern over my custody of Lily. I whistle, impressed at how thorough they were.

  “They really rake me over the coals,” I say. “I always wondered what your family thought about me following the divorce. Wow, these are really strong.”

  “We also have your financial records, including bank statements and income,” Polly says, sliding that over to me.

  I raise an eyebrow. Polly isn’t looking at me, and her jaw is clenched. Funny… It’s almost like she’s unhappy about the papers she’s showing me, despite how good they are for her case.

  “I don’t remember allowing you access to these,” I say, looking at her closely.

  “We have our ways,” Polly says stiffly. A high flush of shame is rising on her cheeks. There’s no doubt about it; she’s reluctant to be here, doing this. A suspicion starts to form in my mind; is her husband behind all this? “I took pictures of your house, which includes how small it is and the threadbare clothes Lily is forced to wear. Lily also wrote a statement for me.”

  That catches my attention. When did that happen?

  “I visited her at school,” Polly says, avoiding my eyes, and I feel a flare of anger. But I have to keep my temper, or this might not work. “Here.”

  I look it over. It’s a statement from Lily saying that we don’t have a lot of money and don’t go to a lot of places. But it’s the end part that catches my attention.

  “But Dad tries really hard, and I don’t care that he can’t buy me a lot of things or take me to theme parks. I love him anyway.”

  I look at Polly. She looked ashamed when she was handing me my bank statements, but that’s nothing on the anguish now crawling across her face. She’s glaring at the table, and I suspect that it isn’t me she’s angry at.

  Maybe she’s just as upset as I am that our daughter has become a pawn in a rich man’s game.

  “You’re going to use this against me?” I ask with a snort.

  “We’ll be removing the bottom part, though, of course, we will let the court know it exists, just that it is pointless in the battle between us,” Polly coughs.

  “I wouldn’t say it’s pointless,” I say. “It’s evidence for me, rather than against. I’ll be keeping this one.”

  Polly nods, expecting that. She’d shown it to me knowing I’d take it then. Which means that they’re still confident even with Lily’s letter in my hands.

  “I have pictures of your jacket, as well as an old picture of you and that gang, where I’ve labeled the three men who went to jail,” Polly says. “See, Ethan, we have a lot. There’s not much you can do to stop us now. It’s in your best interest to simply stop fighting before this ruins your life. There’s no way that you can win against us. Do you understand?”

  “I understand everything,” I say slowly. “I understand that the only true document you’ve given me in all this is my financial situation, while everything else is a lie, unintentional or not.” I look Polly in the eye. “You and your husband are fucking cowards and liars; you’re using lies because you know you can’t win without them, not after you disappeared on us for ten years and sent your parents to deliver divorce papers to me.”

  A high, angry flush rises in Polly’s cheeks.

  “I’m trying to do what’s best for my daughter,” she hisses, but her heart isn’t in it.

  “No,” I say. “You’re trying to do what’s best for Warrick and you. After all, having a daughter is going to look really good for the pictures against his opponent, who’s a family man. And, unfortunately, Warrick can’t have children of his own; not only is it too late for that, but he’s impotent.”

  That was the first thing Alex found. Elections are coming up soon, and popularity is swinging in favor of Warrick’s Sanders’ opponent, who has a beautiful wife and three gorgeous children. He’s always in the papers, either because someone caught sight of him at the local park with his kids, or because he’s doing some charity event in the area.

  Funny how Polly and Warrick decided to make a bid for Lily now, when she would be most useful in the election.

  “Sorry, Polly, but I’m not willing to allow Lily to become a political tool for your gain,” I say cheerfully as she glares at me, unable to refute it. “You want me to sign now, because a court battle might take too long and, by the time it finishes, it will be pointless to have Lily because Warrick will have lost the election.”

  “How dare you?” Polly growls.

  “No, that’s what I should be saying to you,” I say, and my smile drops. “I knew there was something shady the moment you sent that letter. It’s funny, actually, because Georgia told me I was being paranoid, and I actually believed it right up until I heard that conversation. You should have been more fucking careful, Polly.”

  “You won’t win,” Polly says, gritting her teeth. “You want to take this to court just to spite us? We’ll still get custody.”

  “If it goes to court, you probably will,” I say amiably.

  Polly searches my face, her expression falling to confusion.

  “You’re not worried,” she suddenly realized. “You haven’t been worried once this entire conversation. Why are you so calm?” She straightens abruptly in her seat. “What have you and that bitch planned?”

  “Hey,” I say, annoyed. “First, Georgia didn’t have anything to do with this, so leave her out of it. She’s been at my side, and far more faithful than you were. She�
�s also been a better mom to Lily than you ever will be.”

  The words hang in the air. Polly is furious, but my heart clenches. I might have just ruined all that.

  “Secondly, I’ve already found what I needed,” I say.

  I get up and pick up a plain white envelope off the kitchen counter, Polly’s eyes watching my every movement. I hand it to her.

  “It’s not the only copy,” I say.

  Polly opens the envelope warily and reads the letter. Her face drains of color.

  “Where did you get this?” she whispers.

  “It’s funny what professional detectives can track down, especially ones that are motivated to help their friends,” I comment.

  I’m impressed with Alex. He must have worked around the clock to track down the psychologist so quickly. He then explained the situation to her, telling her what we needed.

  The psychologist, surprisingly, was actually eager to help, especially when Alex told her that we wouldn’t be using the letter in court. In that letter, she diagnoses Polly with severe post-partum depression, which led to her having delusions, hallucinations and manic episodes. She writes about how Polly lied to her family regarding her apparent abuse at my hands. None of this, of course, was her fault at the time; her mind had simply been unable to bear the pressure of having a child unexpectedly, something that must have been incredibly difficult for her. However, it’s the fact that she’s still using those lies, now that she’s better, that is the issue.

  “How…?” Polly gasps.

  “You thought I was just going to let you win, Polly?” I ask. “You come into our life and threaten to take my daughter away from me, and you think I’m just going to roll over and let it happen? It was never going to happen. Ten years ago, you might have had me. But a lot has changed in that time, and I will protect my daughter from everything, including you and your husband.”

  Polly looks at the letter again. She knows, as well as I do, that a letter like this will completely ruin her.

  “What now?” she asks shakily.

  “Now I offer you a deal,” I say. “You drop all thoughts of custody. You leave Lily in my care. You come up with something to tell all these people you lied to… Honestly, I don’t give a damn what you tell them; they were stupid enough to believe you ten years ago and I’m not interested in their opinion. In return, I don’t release this letter to the press or on the internet, along with a statement that Councilor Sanders is using his wife’s lies to attempt to take the daughter of the hard-working man that raised her.” Polly’s face pales. “And I am happy to organize visitation rights for you, too.”

  “What?” Polly asks, taken aback. “Are you…? You’d still allow me to visit?”

  “Not visit,” I correct. “You will not be allowed to set foot in this house ever again. No, I will organize for Lily to visit you, or for the two of you to go on predetermined outings until I’ve decided that I can trust you with her. The only contact I’m willing to have with you from this point is the exchange of messages where you tell me where you want to take Lily, and I approve or disapprove, and the brief moments we see each other when I drop Lily off and pick her up.”

  “I’m her mother…” Polly tries.

  “You just tried to use our daughter for a political advantage,” I say coldly. “You don’t have the right to call yourself that.”

  Polly purses her lips.

  “So, what do you say?” I ask. “Do we have a deal?”

  Polly grits her teeth. Then she glances at the letter from the psychologist and sighs gustily.

  “I’ll talk to Warrick,” she says tiredly. “We’ll drop the case.”

  I won. I pick up the letter with shaking hands and fold it back up. I really won. Polly gathers up her things, lifts her chin and stands. As she goes to leave the kitchen, however, she falters and looks back.

  “Thank you,” she says.

  “What for?” I ask, startled.

  Polly’s expression is conflicted, as though she’s fighting with herself.

  “I…didn’t agree with it,” she finally says. “I don’t want children. I made that clear when Lily was born. I’ve enjoyed getting to know Lily, but I didn’t think taking custody was a good idea. Warrick was the one that came up with it. As I got to know Lily, I thought it wouldn’t be so bad, but…” She smiles slightly. “This is for the best, anyway. Between you and Georgia, Lily will be fine.”

  I don’t tell her that Georgia won’t be around for much longer. I just nod, acknowledging the first bit of sincerity that Polly has shown me since she arrived back in my life. She nods back, and then she’s gone.

  I collapse back in my chair. I need to tell Alex that I won. I need to tell Kyle, Allison, Grant and Jessica, who all know what was going on. And I need to tell the whole story to Georgia, somehow, even though she won’t be happy to find out about everything after the fact.

  But, right now, I just want to bask in this.

  I won.

  Now, finally, everything will be fine.

  Well… almost. There’s one more thing left to do. When I left the café yesterday, I watched Georgia texting, and I know her well enough to know what it was about. Georgia will be leaving us. So I need to give her a proper farewell.

  I pull out my phone and begin texting. No matter what, Georgia is my best friend, and she deserves to know just how many people love her.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Georgia

  I try hard to smile as Lily and I walk through the gates, the brightly lit lights and loud chatter of the crowded field just ahead. Lily was already disappointed to discover that her father, who claimed to have work all of a sudden, was not going to be coming with us. So, it’s up to me to give her a nice time.

  I don’t feel like it, though. Part of me wishes I could just crawl into bed and hide from the world. I don’t want to think about Ethan or about my job, or about anything.

  “Can we get cotton candy?” Lily asks enthusiastically, turning to me with stars in her eyes.

  I hitch my smile up a little more.

  “Sure,” I agree. “Anything you want, Lily. We’re here to have fun.”

  To my surprise, Lily deflates.

  “Yeah,” she says. “I just wish Dad came, too.”

  “Next time,” I promise.

  And there will be a next time, of that I’m sure. I think back to the conversation that I had with my boss yesterday, when I had had a little more time to think about what my acceptance of the new job would mean. He and I had come to an agreement that suited me far better… and that meant I needed to talk to Ethan one more time.

  Later, though, when I’ve gotten over him trying to break my heart again. He can stew for a while, and it will serve him right for thinking he can try and force me into things I still wasn’t sure I wanted to do. Like take a job and move from my home.

  “Georgia?”

  I look down as Lily’s hand slips into mine. I’m not doing a very good job of focusing only on Lily, am I? I promised her that I’d take her to the carnival, a rare treat for her, and I’m spending all my time ruminating on the mess of my life, instead.

  “Are you okay?” Lily asks.

  “I’m fine,” I assure her.

  She frowns at me.

  “Did you and Dad fight again?” she asks. “Because Dad was really weird yesterday.”

  “Weird how?” I ask, interested despite myself.

  “Like…” Lily frowns, thinking. “He was happy and sad. I think something good happened, but something bad happened, too. So, did you fight, and that’s why he isn’t coming and why he was sad?”

  “We…didn’t fight, exactly,” I try, not quite sure how to explain what happened to a ten-year-old.

  Lily pulls her hand from mine suddenly and spins around to face me fully, stopping in the middle of the path. Several people grumble as they’re forced to move around us.

  “You’re still going to come around, aren’t you?” Lily asks, looking anxious. “To come
and see me and Dad? We’d miss you if you didn’t!”

  I smile genuinely, touched.

  “Of course I will,” I say, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind Lily’s ear. “I’d miss you guys, too, if I left.”

  There’s no way I could leave Lily and Ethan. They’re my home. At some point in the last few years, my dreams have begun and ended with the two of them; I’ll find ways to achieve my goals, but only if I can stay with them.

  I reach out and slide my hand into Lily’s again.

  “I’m not going anywhere,” I promise her.

  She squeezes my hand back and beams at me. This precious girl is my daughter in all but blood. I wish I had noticed, before now, how everything that’s happened between Ethan and I has affected her. She’s a smart girl; of course she’s realized that things aren’t quite right between the two of us.

  “Now, let’s get that cotton candy and check out some rides?” I suggest.

  “Yes!” Lily cheers.

  She pulls me forward and I follow her, smiling widely, happier now than I had been coming in. Today is for Lily and me.

  And, tomorrow, I can start planning how to talk to Ethan.

  “Can you come over tonight?”

  I look at the message the next day. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve looked at it since I got it this morning. I still don’t know how to reply. What does Ethan want to talk about, especially after I asked him, on Thursday, to give me some time?

  It’s Sunday, now, and there hasn’t been nearly enough time. I’m not sure there ever will be. Just seeing Ethan last night, when I arrived to pick Lily up for the carnival, had been hard. When he gave me a small smile, I almost burst into tears. In the end, I didn’t go to the front door when I dropped Lily off, just waved goodbye to the two of them when he stepped outside on our arrival.

  Is that what he wants to talk about? But that doesn’t make sense, Ethan knows that I need time.

  The only other explanation is that something has happened, and he needs his best friend. But that’s an entirely different matter. Can I be his best friend for him right now, straight after he broke my heart?