Wanted by Her Lost Love

by Maya Banks

  Appalled that she could betray herself like this, she started to ease away but Ryan tightened his arm around her.

  “Don’t go. This is nice.”

  She raised her head and stared into eyes that were unclouded with sleep. Evidently he’d been awake for a while and content to lie there with her draped over him like a blanket.

  “One thing hasn’t changed,” he said as he touched her cheek. “You’re still beautiful when you wake up.”

  She soaked in the words, her heart tugging at the sincerity in his voice. Before she could question her sanity, she slowly lowered her mouth and touched it tentatively to his.

  He seemed surprised and pleased by her taking the initiative. He lay still while she carefully explored his firm mouth.

  She licked over the closed seam, and when his lips parted, she slid her tongue lightly over his bottom lip before moving inward to rasp over the end of his tongue.

  Strong hands gripped her upper arms, holding her in place as he began to kiss her back. Softly at first, as if he was wooing her, and then harder. His breath sped up and came in little bursts through her mouth.

  He sucked at the tip of her tongue and then she nipped at his when he let her go.

  Before she realized it, she was on her back and he was over her, his knee between her legs as he devoured her mouth.

  Hot. Breathless. Fast and hard and then slow and gentle.

  With one hand he popped the two tiny buttons that held the bodice together. The material separated and her breasts strained precariously out of the gown. The satin caught on her hard, erect nipples and he tugged insistently until one breast came completely free.

  He cupped the plump mound and then lowered his head, sucking the nipple into his mouth.

  A shot of adrenaline slivered through her veins, edgy and sharp. She twisted restlessly beneath him as he sucked harder. She plunged her fingers through his short, cropped hair and then gripped the back of his head, holding him in place as she silently begged for more.

  He pulled at her nipple, drawing his head back until the taut nub came free of his mouth. Then he lifted his gaze to meet hers and butterflies scuttled around her belly when she saw the look in his eyes.

  “I want to make love to you, Kell. I need you so much. But I won’t do this if it’s only going to make things worse. You have to want this as much as I do.”

  “I want it more,” she said hoarsely. And that was the truth. She’d always wanted him more. Craved him. Missed him when he wasn’t with her.

  Seeing him now, having him over her, his mouth on her, brought back those memories—happier memories—when things were perfect between them.

  But had they been? Ever? Really?

  She shook off the dark shadow that plagued her and reached up to caress his cheek.

  “I need you, too.”

  Fire exploded in his eyes. Satisfaction and triumph glittered brightly as he swept down to claim her mouth again.

  When he finally pulled back, he eased to the side and gathered her in his arms, holding her as if she was a precious piece of glass he was afraid might break.

  For the longest time, his gaze stroked over her while he reacquainted himself with her all over again. Then he slid his hand over her shoulder and eased the strap of her gown down her arm.

  He moved to the other side and hooked one finger in the strap, pulling it down until the gown bunched over the ball of her belly.

  Levering up on one elbow, he coaxed her to lift her hips so he could pull the gown completely free. He worked it down her legs and then tossed it over the edge of the bed.

  Now she was only clad in her underwear and it didn’t feel like any sort of barrier to his gaze or his touch.

  He cupped his hand just above her pelvis and caressed the round, firm bulge of her abdomen.

  “Our baby,” he said hoarsely.

  Then he hovered over her and lowered his head so that his mouth pressed to the center of her belly in a tender kiss.

  The gesture brought tears to her eyes, stinging the lids, and she swallowed against the quick knot that formed in her throat.

  “Beautiful,” he murmured. “I regret that I’ve missed watching her grow, watching you expand and watching your shape change. You’re so unbelievably sexy.”

  “Her? You think it’s a girl, too?”

  Ryan smiled down at her. “You always say her. I guess I’ve just gotten used to it. I really don’t care if it’s a girl or boy. I just want you both to be okay.”

  She felt a little light-headed, as if she had an alcohol buzz without the alcohol.

  He trailed his fingers lower, to her pelvis and through her damp, slick folds. She jumped in reaction when he brushed over her clitoris and then she moaned when he delved lower and carefully dipped the tip of his index finger inside her warmth.

  “I love how you respond to me. I’ve always loved it.”

  She shifted restlessly as he continued his gentle exploration of her sensitive, quivering flesh. Already she was on edge, so close, and he’d only begun touching her.

  She was impatient, wanting him now, but she also didn’t want the sensation to end too quickly. After months without him, she wanted to savor every single moment with him.

  “Spread your legs for me,” he murmured.

  Helpless to deny him, she relaxed her thighs and let them fall open as he moved down the bed. For a moment he got up and then he put his knee on the mattress, crawling between her thighs.

  His eyes smoldered with heat and desire as he stared hungrily at her. Then he lowered himself, inserting one hand between her thighs to push them further apart.

  She inhaled sharply and held her breath in anticipation as his head went down. He kissed her folds, right over her clitoris. Just a gentle, featherlike touch that had her spasming in need.

  With careful fingers, he parted her flesh, exposing her to his mouth. He kissed her again, this time directly on the puckered, taut nub. Even as she arched, his tongue swept out and he licked from her opening to the top of the delicate hood that encased her most sensitive flesh.

  She closed her eyes. Her fingers curled into tight balls, gathering the sheets and then releasing them once more as her body flew in about a dozen directions.

  It was intense. It was wonderful. It was beautiful.

  Something inside her shattered—or it felt like it. Wave after wave of sharp pleasure rolled over her with rigid intensity.

  She panted softly, her breath squeezing from lungs that felt robbed of air. Her hips lifted rhythmically off the mattress as he nuzzled her down from her orgasm.

  When she gathered her senses and looked down, he was staring at her, satisfaction burning brightly in his blue eyes. There was a fierceness there that made her shiver, as if he was sending a silent message. You’re mine.

  With his hands cupped underneath her legs, he raised himself up. He pushed back enough that she was completely exposed to him and then reached between them to position himself at her opening.

  She gasped at the hot, hard feel of him barely breaching her. And then he slid all the way in with one push.

  It was enough to send her spiraling into another fast, reckless orgasm. She was still coming when he pulled back and pushed in again. Her body clutched desperately at him, hugging him tightly.

  They both let out harsh sounds as he cupped her buttocks and lifted her so his angle put him even deeper.

  “I can’t hold on,” he said. “It’s too good. It’s been too long. I’m sorry, baby.”

  She reached for him, clutching at his shoulders and pulling him to her. Still, he braced his hands on either side of her, holding his weight off her belly so that he didn’t crush her.

  He thrust, harder this time and she felt the shudder roll through his body as he held himself deep inside her.

  He kissed her. Hungry. Passionate. With more desperation than she’d ever experienced from him. Their lovemaking had always been good, but he’d never lost control so quickly.

  She ki
ssed him with just as much hunger, her hands sliding down his back and then up again to hold his head to hers.

  His hips trembled against her. They lay locked together, with him barely holding himself off her. Wanting that closeness to him—especially now—she urged him over to his side, rolling with him so they stayed together.

  Their limbs were tangled, their arms wrapped tightly around each other, and he was still pulsing deep inside her body.

  She tucked her head underneath his chin and breathed deeply of his scent, felt the erratic thump of his heart against her cheek.

  It was easy to forget all that had happened between them. It was easy to forget the months of pain and loneliness. It was easy to imagine that they’d never been apart and that they were home in bed, just waking in Ryan’s apartment—their apartment.

  And just for a moment, she refused to allow the hazy euphoria to evaporate under the weight of reality.

  Ten

  Ryan lay there, Kelly in his arms, trying to sort out what had just happened. On the surface it had been a very quick, very hot sexual interlude. One of the best he’d ever had.

  But it went deeper. It wasn’t just sex. If it was just sex, his heart wouldn’t feel as though it was going to burst out of his chest. He wouldn’t be so overwhelmed that he had no idea how to process what he felt.

  It was… It was more intense than sex had ever been between them. They had been a study in hot, flirty, fun in bed. He teased. She teased.

  But this had been almost…heartbreaking, and he couldn’t shake the heaviness that pervaded his chest even now.

  He rubbed his hand up and down her back and pressed a kiss to her hair in an effort to soothe some of the tightness in his throat.

  He put a hand between them to touch her cheek and then he carefully pulled her away until he looked down into her eyes.

  The stark emotion there. The devastation. It was like a knife to the gut. She looked so very vulnerable. Fragile. And scared. She looked scared to death.

  Was she afraid of him? Of what had happened? He couldn’t bear it if she hated herself for giving in to the overwhelming tension that had been building ever since he’d taken her back to New York.

  “What are you thinking?” he asked hoarsely. “Tell me you don’t regret this, Kell. Anything but regret.”

  Slowly she shook her head and he felt something loosen inside him. Relief. But it was only the first step.

  He caressed her cheek, enjoying the feel of her satiny skin. No matter how much he’d told himself that he was better off without her, that he was well rid of her, he could no longer lie to himself.

  He wanted her. He wanted her back, no matter what she’d done in the past. He’d been forced to examine their relationship after he’d broken their engagement and ordered her out of his apartment—and his life. Maybe he’d been partially to blame. Maybe he’d worked too many hours. Maybe he’d neglected her.

  Whatever the case, something had gone horribly wrong and he was determined to find the cause so that it didn’t happen again.

  Unable to resist, he kissed her forehead and then each eyelid. He gently kissed each cheekbone and then her mouth before nibbling a path to her ear.

  Amazingly, his groin tightened and he swelled inside the clasp of her satiny flesh. He flexed his hips against her eliciting a low whimper as her fingers curled into his shoulder.

  He slid easily in and out and he nudged her leg up with his own so that he had easier access.

  “Do you like it here on your side?” he murmured. “Are you comfortable? Or would you prefer to be on top?”

  She flushed and he smiled, delighted by this suddenly shy side of her. She’d never been bashful about taking the initiative in the past and suddenly he wanted to coax that out of her again.

  Without waiting for her to respond, he gathered her in his arms and rolled so she was astride him, her hands planted on his chest for balance.

  She was hot and tight around him and he clenched his teeth, closing his eyes as he sucked in steadying breaths. He’d already lost every ounce of control the first time. He wanted to make it last this time.

  Her knees locked at his sides and she lifted her hips the tiniest bit before lowering her weight once more to surround him with silky, heated sweetness that had sweat beading his forehead.

  She seemed inhibited and a little unsure and this new shyness from her continued to be endearing as hell. He reached for her, wanting to offer reassurance, but as his hands stroked up her lush body, over her swollen belly to her gorgeous breasts, he forgot all about offering her anything except the pleasure of his touch.

  He stroked the swell of her breasts, enjoying the new fullness. Her nipples were darker, more pronounced, and his mouth watered with wanting to taste them again.

  He pulled ever so gently at the tips, just enough to make them harden and pucker. She sucked in her breath and fluttered around his erection until he groaned and gritted his teeth to keep from orgasming.

  “I love your body. You’re beautiful pregnant, Kelly. I can’t keep my hands or mouth off you. You make me crazy.”

  She smiled then, a brilliant smile that he felt all the way to his soul. Her eyes lit up and sparkled and he felt as if he’d been handed the world in the palm of her hand.

  Hell, if that was all it took to make her smile like that, he’d gladly tell her every single day how gorgeous she was.

  She reached for his hands, laced her fingers in his and then used his hands for leverage as she raised her hips just enough so he slid through her sweetness all over again.

  His breath escaped in a long hiss and then she slid down, resheathing him all over again.

  “You drive me crazy,” he muttered.

  She smiled, clearly satisfied with his admission.

  He savored the feel of her much smaller hands engulfed by his. They held on tightly as she began a slow, rhythmic ride.

  Their gazes locked. They never looked away, never broke eye contact as she made love to him, driving him closer and closer to ultimate release.

  Her breaths grew more rapid and erratic. Her face became flushed and she tightened around him. She was close. He was closer. But he was determined to take care of her first.

  It took every ounce of his concentration. His body strained. He was rigid, painfully rigid, and then she pulsed and went wet around him. Her body shuddered.

  He pulled her down, holding her as he took control of their movements. He stroked and caressed her, kissing her hair, murmuring to her how beautiful she was.

  As the last of her orgasm rolled through her body, his began. Through it all, their fingers remained entwined, their hands clasped.

  He brought their hands to rest between them, against their chests, over their hearts, as he surged upward, his mind numb, his body awash with the sweetest of pleasure.

  She collapsed over him, going limp as she nuzzled against his neck. She kissed him just below the ear and he smiled at the sweetness of the gesture.

  He missed her affection. Missed the way she had always seemed to be touching him or kissing him or just offering him a smile.

  He’d missed her.

  And now he had to find a way to make sure she didn’t leave again. He didn’t think for a minute that sex was a fix-all for a relationship. It wasn’t even a good bandage.

  He knew it wasn’t going to be easy. There was too much mistrust and hurt between them, but somehow they had to find their way back. He wouldn’t allow himself to think any differently.

  She was his. She carried his child. To him, that made things simple. She belonged with him. She needed him to take care of her. He wanted to take care of her.

  If he was willing to forget the past, then shouldn’t she be willing to try their relationship again? It wasn’t as if he’d betrayed her.

  But she carried so much hurt and anger. Something inside her had been broken. Had he done it when he’d tossed her out of his apartment? What had she expected?

  He stroked her hair and willed h
imself not to become embroiled in the past. He’d promised himself—and her—that he’d put everything behind him.

  And if he was willing to do that, then he saw no reason she shouldn’t be willing to let the past rest as well.

  “How about breakfast in bed?” he asked.

  “Mmm, that sounds nice. I don’t think I can move and I’m suddenly feeling lazy.”

  He smiled because he couldn’t imagine anything better than the two of them sharing an intimate meal in bed. Hell, if he had his way they wouldn’t leave the bedroom for the rest of the day.

  “Let me go order room service. You stay here and get comfortable. I’ll be right back.”

  He kissed her nose and then carefully disentangled himself from the warm clasp of her body. He eased her onto her side, pulled the rumpled sheet over her and rolled toward the nightstand, sitting up and putting his legs over the edge of the bed.

  He glanced back to see that she’d immediately commandeered his pillow, which made him chuckle, because it was exactly what she’d done in the past.

  He picked up the phone, ordered breakfast for them both and then rolled back over to face her.

  “You can’t have your pillow back,” she mumbled.

  He smiled and propped his head in his palm. “Never let it be said I interfered with the comfort of my woman.”

  One eyebrow went up and she studied him for a long moment. He could see her mind swirling with something and so he simply waited to see if she’d say what was on her mind.

  “Am I?” she finally asked.

  His brow furrowed. “Are you what?”

  “Yours,” she said simply. “I need to know what this was, Ryan. Are we back together? I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here and I’m not about to assume anything.”

  He took a deep breath because it was important to handle this just right. The last thing he wanted to do was screw everything up when he felt as if he was this close to having her where he wanted her.

  “I think that’s up to you,” he said carefully. “I think I’ve been up front about what I want, about where I’d like to see our relationship. It’s time for you to decide if this is where you want to be. With me. I’m not saying we have to take a huge leap, but we can at least decide to be together so we can work things out.”

  She visibly swallowed and he could see fear in her gaze again. It ate at his gut because he honestly didn’t know what scared her so bad. Was he such an ogre? Could she really blame him or hold against him the reaction he’d had to her being unfaithful?

  “My mind tells me I’m an idiot for even considering this,” she muttered.

  “What does your heart tell you?” he asked softly.

  She sighed and stared helplessly back at him, her blue eyes churning with emotion.

  “My heart tells me that I want this. No matter how much I think I shouldn’t want it, I do. Maybe this is a bad time to have a discussion about our relationship when our minds are mush after sex.”

  He touched his finger to her lips. “I think it’s the perfect time to have it because our guards are down. It’s just us. No barriers. No walls. Just us and how