Sorrow and Second Chances

by E Bradshaw

  “He is to you!” exclaimed Charles. “But I always think he is somehow laughing at me.”

  “Don’t fret,” Darcy reassured his friend; “you’ll soon get used to him.”

  Charles said nothing in reply for a long moment; instead, he eyed Darcy thoughtfully as if something had suddenly occurred to him. “I’ve just realised where you were this morning!” he exclaimed with a triumphant grin. “I imagine you were out riding… and no doubt, you took the road towards Longbourn, to visit a certain young lady there. I wonder if my future father-in-law might favour me over you a little more if I happened to share that rather interesting piece of information with him?” he asked mischievously.

  “Some friend you are!” laughed Darcy. “And I shouldn’t worry, if I were you, about getting on with Mr Bennet, for clearly you’re already picking up on his devilish sense of humour!”

  Charles grinned happily in response and was about to make a reply, when the door to the vestry suddenly opened. The vicar of the church stood in the doorway, smiling benevolently at the two of them.

  “Gentlemen,” he said; “the Bennet party has just been spotted outside. It is time for you to take your positions at the altar.”

  Thus, their teasing conversation immediately forgotten, the two friends hastily straightened their collars and brushed at their clothes for one final time, before hurrying out to meet their brides.

  Chapter 18

  With the sound of farewell cheers and good wishes still loud behind them, Darcy and Elizabeth waved for the final time out of the carriage window before sitting back against the carriage seat.

  “I am exhausted!” Elizabeth sighed happily.

  “I am not surprised,” Darcy replied wryly, “since you never stopped dancing!”

  “Well, what I was to do?” smiled Elizabeth. “Everyone wants to take a turn around the dancefloor with the bride at a wedding – and it would have been highly unfair of me to leave it all to Jane!”

  “It is only that I would have liked to have had you to myself more often,” Darcy grumbled – though it was clear from the tone of his voice that he was only teasing.

  “Well, you have me all to yourself now,” smiled Elizabeth.

  As she spoke, she untied the ribbons at her neck and then carefully removed her bonnet, before reaching across the seat to take Darcy’s hand in hers in a placating gesture. He smiled back at her, feeling happier than he could express to be sat there beside her in the full knowledge that she was now his wife. There would be no need now for them to part again; she would always be with him from this day forward – teasing him, laughing with him and bringing a smile to his face, no matter the situation. With great affection, he squeezed her hand in response before lifting it to his lips to bestow a kiss.

  “Were you nervous earlier? In the church, I mean?” Darcy asked her, thinking as he spoke of his own tension as he had stood before the vicar to recite his vows.

  “Yes, very!” grinned Elizabeth. “I was absolutely convinced that I would muddle up my words or trip over my gown and fall flat on my face!”

  “You didn’t look it,” smiled Darcy. “In fact, I thought I had never seen you look more beautiful than you did as you walked up the aisle. I had promised Charles only a moment before that I would support him if he began to feel faint at the altar, but once I had laid eyes on you, I forgot him and everything else entirely!”

  “Poor Charles!” laughed Elizabeth, though she blushed becomingly at his words.

  “I believe he coped just fine,” Darcy replied dryly. “He was just as absorbed in watching your sister as I was in watching you!”

  “Yes, my father teased me and Jane about it as we walked up the aisle together. He said he’d never seen two such love-sick and foolish young men!”

  “He may call us love-sick and foolish, but I believe that your father was pleased to give his daughters away to men who are as devoted to you both as Charles and I are. In fact, he cornered the pair of us whilst you and Jane were dancing to give us a little talk about his expectations of us.”

  “He did?” asked Elizabeth with a look of surprise.

  “Yes, he most certainly did. Rest assured; it was nothing too serious. He just advised us that he expected the two of us to take good care of his daughters.”

  “And what did you say?”

  “We reassured him that we would do everything we could to make our brides happy, of course!” grinned Darcy. “Poor Charles turned red and got in a fluster as he tried to explain just how much he loves your sister, until finally I took pity on him and took over. But I believe our replies were enough, at any rate, to reassure your father.”

  “He needn’t worry in any case,” teased Elizabeth, “since I am quite capable of looking after myself and keeping you in your place!”

  “I have no doubt of that at all,” retorted Darcy with a satirical look.

  With a happy giggle, Elizabeth leaned against Darcy, and he wrapped his arm around her to bring her closer into his embrace. For a while, they sat in a contented, companionable silence, listening to the sounds of the moving carriage and the horses’ galloping hooves, and each lost in their own private thoughts. Unlike Charles and Jane, who would remain at Netherfield Hall for their wedding night (and thus have to endure the company of all the wedding guests, who would inevitably linger long after nightfall had arrived), Darcy had arranged to whisk Elizabeth away to his London townhouse to spend their first night as husband and wife. Being nothing like his social and constantly-affable friend, Darcy wanted nothing more than to be away from all the noise and chatter of other people so that he could finally enjoy some time alone with his bride.

  He much preferred the idea of having breakfast with Elizabeth in their bed upon them waking in the morning, rather than them having to dress in formal attire and endure the tedious conversation, the knowing winks from Mr Hurst, and the acidic wit of Miss Bingley and her sister over the breakfast table. Nevertheless, Darcy would have endured it all if this had been what Elizabeth had wanted – though much to his relief, when he had previously tentatively approached the topic of their wedding night, he had discovered that her thoughts were exactly matched to his own. Consequently, he had written instructions to his staff at his London townhouse with orders to make the house ready for their arrival, and he planned for them to remain in London for the next two months at least, rather than returning to Pemberley, since the house tended to be rather cold during the winter months. Georgiana would join them in time for the Christmas celebrations, though for the time being she had said that she would be quite content to remain at Longbourn in the company of her new sisters. Indeed, recollecting Georgiana’s happiness as she had danced and chatted with the Bennet sisters and their Meryton neighbours at the wedding celebration now brought a smile to Darcy’s face.

  “It was good to see my sister looking so happy today,” he commented aloud to Elizabeth.

  “Yes,” agreed Elizabeth. “I remember thinking how shy and diffident she was when I first met her, but she certainly seems to have come out of her shell since then!”

  “That is all down to you and your sisters,” smiled Darcy. “I think you have all been a good influence on her, and it is nice to see my sister and yours getting on so well together. You are all so close and seem to take such good care of one another, and I think Georgiana will benefit a great deal from having such a family around her.”

  “I think so too,” agreed Elizabeth, “though I warn you, we are not always so harmonious! There are certainly times when quarrels can break out between us – and this recent escapade of Lydia’s has been no exception. It’s been a difficult time for her and so I was glad to see her looking much happier today than she has of late. In fact, I saw Georgiana speaking discreetly to her yesterday, and I’m quite certain that they were discussing Mr Wickham, though I didn’t go any closer or try to intervene since it looked to be a private conversation. But whatever Georgiana said must have helped Lydia, for she certainly looked more cheerful afterw
ards. So, you see, it is not only your sister who is benefiting from having a wider family.”

  “No, clearly not,” replied Darcy in a thoughtful tone.

  For a moment, he felt a qualm of concern on hearing that Georgiana and Lydia had been discussing Mr Wickham, but then he determinedly put such worries out of his mind, reminding himself that his sister had grown remarkably resilient over the space of the last year. Besides, this was their wedding day and so he was determined not to let anything – not even thoughts of Wickham – dampen his spirits.

  “Nevertheless,” he re-joined on a more cheerful note, “even with the occasional misadventures and squabbles that sometimes occur between you all, I still admire the way that you and your sisters seem to have the ability to enjoy life and to make others laugh.”

  “Yes, well, I suppose we do know how to find humour in most situations,” replied Elizabeth wryly. “You need to – and especially when you have relations like Mr Collins to contend with!”

  “Ah, yes,” Darcy grinned. “I saw you cornered by him at one point, but before I decided to swoop in as your rescuer, I weighed up the likelihood of you being able to manage him on your own, against my very deep aversion to hearing his long-winded nonsense – and in the end, I decided that you would somehow manage to escape him without my assistance!”

  “How ungallant!” Elizabeth laughed, as she playfully dug her elbow into Darcy’s ribs. “I had to endure all sorts of twaddle as he outlined the expectations that I should aspire to in order to become a good wife, as apparently held by the Church and society as a whole!”

  “Oh, yes? And what expectations are they?”

  “He went into some detail; clearly, he thought me to be in dire need of such a lecture, since I don’t believe he gave the same sermon to Jane.”

  “I think that is only because your sister had the sense to hide behind a curtain when she saw Mr Collins coming,” replied Darcy dryly. “You, however, were much too slow to evade him!”

  “Sneaky Jane!” laughed Elizabeth. “That used to be my trick!”

  “And so, what were these expectations?” asked Darcy with a raised eyebrow. “I am truly eager to find out if my bride meets all the necessary criteria.”

  “I think you will find that I would fail in most particulars,” grinned Elizabeth. “Apparently, a truly good wife should be god-fearing and obedient, set an example to her neighbours, be as silent as the grave; should always show true reverence towards her husband and never argue with his opinions… Oh, and she should keep a well-tended vegetable garden as well!”

  “You will never manage to achieve these high standards, I think,” laughed Darcy.

  “No, I never shall,” agreed Elizabeth with a sigh of pretend regret. “Do you think you will mind very much about my many shortcomings?”

  “I shall not mind in the least,” Darcy assured her sincerely, before sealing his pledge with a kiss.

  *****

  Waking slowly the next morning, Darcy rolled over and gazed tenderly at his wife. Even now, even after all they had shared on the previous night, he could still hardly believe that she was lying there beside him in his bed. It seemed to him that he had been unaccountably and extraordinarily lucky – and that somehow it must all be a dream. But no, when he leaned in closer towards her, he could hear the soft sounds of her breathing; he could feel the tickle of her long hair as it bushed against his face. Captivated, he watched her as she slept, gazing at her beauty and remembering with pleasure all that they had discovered of one another during the previous night.

  Darcy knew that if he were to lift the sheets from Elizabeth that she would be naked underneath, just as he was, and though he was eager to look upon her once again and rediscover all her soft curves, he resisted the temptation since he didn’t wish to disturb her sleep. Indeed, he was a little apprehensive as to how she would feel that morning; he had heard that a woman’s first experience of intimacy could be quite painful, and he hated the idea that he might have inflicted any pain upon Elizabeth through the ardency of his lovemaking. Such thoughts reminded him rather guiltily of his eagerness and urgency of the previous night; much to his shame this morning (though he had to admit that he had not considered the issue last night), he had not been content to make love to Elizabeth only the once. Though he inwardly berated himself for it now, on the previous night he had been so swept up in the excitement of their passion that he had not been completely satisfied until he had loved Elizabeth repeatedly. Three times, to be exact.

  In the cold light of morning it now seemed unaccountably unreasonable – perverse, even – to have demanded so much of his inexperienced young wife. And even though he had tried to be gentle, he was still certain that he must have caused her some pain, not least because he had been so eager to consummate their union, but moreover because after experiencing the sheer ecstasy of their first coupling, he had been filled with a desire to repeat their lovemaking again and again. Despite the fact that his more rational-self tried to remind him that Elizabeth had been just as eager and just as passionate during their love-making as he had been, he still could not help but berate himself for his licentiousness. She must have imagined that she had married an insatiable, lustful ogre, he despairingly accused himself, and he groaned aloud at the very thought.

  His noise must have roused Elizabeth, for she suddenly stirred and mumbled something in her sleep, though she thankfully settled back into her slumber immediately afterwards. With such misgivings in mind, Darcy wasn’t sure that he was ready to face her; he hated to think that he might see dread in Elizabeth’s eyes at the thought that he could make more demands upon her. With his feelings of remorse high, Darcy resolved that he must speak to Elizabeth on the subject as soon as she had awoken, to reassure her that he would not demand more of her than she was ready for. It would be a hard resolution to keep to, however, for truthfully, he wanted nothing more than to make love to her once again, and he doubted very much that such urges would be purged so easily.

  Nevertheless, despite all his misgivings, a moment later he once again began recollecting all the joys of the previous night, and unbeknown to him, a smile crept across his face. He rolled onto his back and stared up at the ornate ceiling as he blissfully recalled all that had occurred between them. He recollected wryly that their evening together had not started so happily, however. He had been more than a little apprehensive in the hours before they had finally retired upstairs to bed, and as a consequence, he had become increasing more taciturn as they had dined together. He had been worried about a whole range of awkward issues; he hadn’t known how to broach the subject of them going up to bed, for example, and nor had he known whether or not Elizabeth had felt willing to consummate their marriage that night.

  He had recollected fretfully to himself how she had said she was exhausted when they had first left the party at Netherfield, and thus he could not help but worry that any attentions from him would be unwelcome. He had no wish to force himself on her, nor compel her to do more than she wished to out of a misplaced sense of duty. He wanted their first experience as man and wife to be special for the both of them, as well as mutually pleasurable. However, naturally, it had felt impossible to communicate such private thoughts to Elizabeth, or to ask her such personal questions. In truth, he hadn’t felt able to discuss any of his concerns openly with her, for he could not even begin to think of how he would broach such awkward topics with his innocent bride – and let alone in front of the servants, who had continued to walk in and out of the dining room with each course that they had served.

  And for once, Elizabeth had not been at all talkative during their meal, and so she had not been able to tease him out of his introspective brooding as she usually did. In fact, Darcy had noticed how Elizabeth had stirred her food around and around her plate, and how little she had eaten overall throughout their long-winded and very tense meal. The thought that she might be nervous about retiring up to bed with him, and anxious as to what might occur between them once the
y were alone, had been more than Darcy could bear, and eventually he had shooed the servants away in sheer desperation just so that they might have some privacy. However, even when they were finally left alone and he had tried to form his thoughts into some sort of question, he had struggled to know how best to phrase his concerns for her. Finally, as coherent speech failed him (as it had so often in the early days of his acquaintance with her), he had simply risen to his feet and politely offered Elizabeth his arm.

  Without a word spoken between them, she had likewise risen to her feet and allowed him to escort her out of the dining room and up the grand stairs towards her bedroom – and there, with only a curt bow in parting, he had left her to be assisted by her newly-appointed maid. However, once alone in his room, Darcy had groaned to himself in sheer embarrassment. He had felt sure that his days of award taciturnity around Elizabeth had been and gone – and yet, when it mattered most, he was mortified that he had not even been able to find the right words to reassure her. With such ominous thoughts in mind, Darcy had felt too agitated to even endure the company of his most trusted manservant, and so he had dismissed his valet and then hastily set about getting ready for bed. However, he had snorted mirthlessly to himself when he noticed how his hands shook as he did so, and had belatedly rethought the wisdom of his decision to send his valet away when he had half-strangled himself with his cravat as he tried to work the knots lose.

  Still unsure as to whether he should go to her, and if he did, whether or not he would be welcome, Darcy had finally undressed for the night and then wrapped himself up in his long dressing gown. He had paced up and down the length of his bedroom three times whilst he deliberated on whether Elizabeth had had enough time to get ready, though eventually he had forced himself to stop procrastinating and instead take the initiative and go to her. He had therefore knocked hesitantly on the door which adjoined his room to Elizabeth’s, and on hearing a soft call bidding him to enter, he had taken a decisive step inside. However, despite all his resolves to utter all the right sort of reassurances to Elizabeth upon entering, he had instead found himself struck dumb at the very sight of her. She had appeared just as she had when she had inadvertently walked into her father’s study on that night when Darcy had stayed late playing games of chess – except that the all-important difference was that she was now his, and it was truly an intoxicating feeling.