Rush

by Deborah Bladon

  I plan on having a large pizza delivered along with a bottle of red wine from the restaurant I took Emma to.

  It’s not the best food, but it holds meaning for us now.

  We shared our first meal there, and she taught me that it was all right for me to laugh again.

  I felt happiness for the first time in years as I sat at that table and ate pizza with her.

  Tonight, I want to sit in my apartment and plan my future with her.

  I send Emma a simple text message.

  Case: How do you feel about staying in tonight? I want to talk to you at the apartment.

  Her reply is instant.

  Emma: I like that idea. I’ll be there waiting for you.

  ***

  I look up to see the sun breaking through the clouds as I swing open the door to Sweet Bluebells. A woman exiting the bakery brushes past me with a large white box in her hands. “You’re a lifesaver. Thank you for holding the door.”

  “It’s my pleasure,” I say with a smile.

  I take a step inside, and I’m instantly assaulted with the smell of cake. I can see why Emma hangs out here.

  I approach the counter. An older woman with brown hair gifts me with a bright grin. “Welcome to Sweet Bluebells. How are you?”

  “I’m great,” I say for the first time in a very long time. “How are you?”

  “Good. Good,” the woman repeats the word twice. “Tell me what you’d like.”

  I survey the cupcakes in the display case.

  I came in thinking I knew what I wanted, but I suddenly wonder if Emma wants to try something new.

  “I think that the woman I love would want one of each,” I say, realizing that I just put a voice to what I’m feeling.

  “Why don’t I pack up a dozen assorted for her?” She perks a brow. “Does she have a favorite that I should include?”

  I bend to get a better look into the display case. With a tap of my finger on the glass, I smile. “Put two red velvets in for her. I know she can’t resist them.”

  The woman nods before she reaches for a white rectangular box.

  “Rush? Is that you?”

  I freeze in place. Only a handful of people have ever called me that.

  I turn toward the soft voice as she says it again, “Rush?”

  I look at the blonde woman standing next to me. Her hands are shaking. Tears are streaming down her face tracking her mascara with them.

  I reach for the counter to steady my balance because I can’t place her. I have no fucking idea who she is, but I can tell she knows me.

  I caused her pain. I see it. I fucking feel it with every sob that comes out of her. Whatever I did to this woman, I need to make it right. That has to happen now.

  Chapter 61

  Case

  I had a taste of happiness and fuck , was it sweet.

  It didn’t last because that’s not my ticket in life.

  My brother died on my watch. The pain that caused reached far beyond what I felt or what my grandfather endured.

  The night that I found Apollo dead in his bed, I stood on the street outside of our apartment building. I was numb to everything going on around me.

  I have hazy recollections of police cars blocking the street to oncoming traffic. I remember a neighbor trying to assure me that time would help. She said time always helps.

  She was a liar.

  Off in the distance, I could hear the sound of a young woman screaming. Her pain mirrored what I was feeling.

  She was calling for Pol. Over and over again, she wailed his name as her friends held her upright.

  When I stumbled over to her after she yelled at me, she beat on my chest with her fists.

  She tore through me because I’d let my brother down.

  The memory of her face got lost in my grief, but I saw it again today at Sweet Bluebells.

  Her big blue eyes, and her long blonde hair.

  Delaney is her name.

  I didn’t bring that up from memory. She had to remind me of that today as she told me that she’d never forgiven me for not keeping a closer eye on my brother. She wanted to know if I had called him that day. I told her I hadn’t because that was the truth.

  She’d called him six fucking times because she knew something was wrong.

  When he didn’t answer, she went to the building and begged someone to let her in. No one listened to her that day.

  Deep down inside, she knew.

  I didn’t have a goddamn clue.

  I worked until noon. Then I hit up a bar and then a hotel with a woman I met at the bar because I couldn’t take her back to my apartment out of fear that my brother would find her.

  During the six weeks he lived with me, I found him with four different girls. Not one of them had blue eyes and blonde hair.

  Delaney loved Pol, but Pol loved everyone.

  He was young, and he wanted to experience life for the first time. He was finally out from under the watch of our grandfather, so he made friends with the girls who turned his head.

  Seeing the pain that still consumes Delaney was enough for me. It was too damn much. She reminded me that my brother never got the chance to be happy. She told me that it killed her to hear me say that I was buying cupcakes for the woman I love because my brother will never love anyone again.

  How the fuck do I deserve more than him?

  I reach into the pocket of my pants and pull out the key to my apartment.

  I walked out of here this morning in love and on top of the world.

  Tonight, I’ll break my own heart into a million pieces.

  ***

  I walk in to find Emma standing at the dining room table. She’s wearing a short blue sundress that’s bouncing around her thighs.

  I drop my gaze because I can’t look at her if I’ll never touch her again.

  “Hey,” I offer when she doesn’t say anything to me.

  “Hi.”

  I expected more because I want more. I want something to hold with me forever because I’m going to walk out of here tonight without my heart.

  “The contract came.” Her tone is stiff. “I’ll be working in New York.”

  I hate the sound of it. I could barely get the words out when I called Maureen and told her to get back to the office to make the switch.

  She suggested I sit on the decision for a day or two. I insisted she make the change and get the contract to Emma as quickly as possible.

  I finally look up to see her tear-stained face.

  Fuck. Just fuck.

  She wanted to move to San Francisco. She wanted me.

  “I’ll go to Seattle with Drake and Jane once they come back, and then I’ll find a place to live here.” She twists her hands together in front of her. “Bella can help me with that. She’ll know of a good neighborhood where I can find something reasonable. I can have my furniture shipped to Manhattan, I think. I’ve never done that before, but it can’t be that complicated.”

  She’s rambling because she’s falling apart inside.

  I want to take her in my arms. I want to tell her I love her.

  Apollo will never get the chance to love a woman the way I love Emma.

  “You’re welcome to stay here for as long as you need. I’m leaving for California tonight.”

  Her hand grabs for the back of a chair. “You’re what?”

  I’m running away.

  I keep those words in and fall back on a believable excuse. “I need to take care of things there.”

  Her head drops. “I thought you were going to stay until Drake came back.”

  “I can’t,” I lie. I fucking lie to the most beautiful and kindest woman I’ve ever met.

  “I guess this is goodbye?” She turns to face me. “I know it’s what we agreed to.”

  I take a step toward her. “I’ll never forget you, Emma.”

  “You will.” She half-laughs as her eyes fill with tears again. “It’s okay.”

  I stalk toward her, stopping just s
hort of taking her in my arms. “Listen to me. I will never forget you, Freckles.”

  That breaks her. Her hands dart up to cover her face. “I’ll never forget you, Rush.”

  “Emma.” I reach out a hand, but stop it mid-air.

  “Let’s leave it at that.” She swipes a hand over her cheek to chase away a tear. “I’m not good with big goodbyes.”

  I can’t ask for anything, so I nod in agreement. “I’ll pack up my stuff and head out.”

  “I’m going to my room to look this over.” She picks up the contract. “I’ll have my attorney get in touch with yours when I’m ready to sign it.”

  As she breezes past me, a tear spills from my eye. I take a breath as I hold it together until I hear the guestroom door shut with a click.

  Chapter 62

  Emma

  “Emma?” Bella places a cup of coffee in front of me. “I got you a large.”

  I look up into her blue-gray eyes. “Thank you.”

  She takes a seat in a chair next to me. We agreed to meet at Palla on Fifth. Bella arrived first. She was drinking an herbal tea when I walked in.

  She put it on the counter and ran to me. Gathering me in her arms, she gave me the hug that I’ve desperately needed for the past seven days.

  It’s been that long since Case left Manhattan.

  Our only communication has been through our lawyers. Chloe negotiated a settlement deal with Cabbott Mobile that compensated me well for my share of the future royalties for Letter Leap.

  That comes with a substantial advance.

  Chloe wanted that in my hand so I’d be able to find a comfortable place to live in Manhattan.

  I haven’t received the check yet. It’s due to arrive in the next few days. I haven’t signed the employment contract with Cabbott yet either. It’s not that the terms aren’t fair or generous. They are, but I freeze up every time I imagine working for Case’s company.

  “Have you talked to your brother?”

  I push my palms along my jean-covered thighs. “I did. Their flight lands in a few hours.”

  “Are you excited to see them?” Bella always finds brightness where darkness has settled.

  She texted me the morning after Case left to see how our evening went. When I told her that he had left to go back to California, she insisted that I meet her at her apartment in Brooklyn.

  I had dinner with her and her fiancé. Barrett Adler loves Bella completely. He looked at her the same way Case looked at me before he left New York.

  Or my wishful heart wants to believe that he looked at me that way.

  “I am,” I admit.

  I need something to anchor me to this place. I have Bella, but family is what I crave. Drake and I have some issues to resolve, but I need him right now. I can’t wait to feel his arms around me.

  She takes a sip of her tea before adjusting the collar of the red dress she’s wearing. “I saw Delaney and Mickey yesterday.”

  The change of subject is welcome. My mind has been so focused on Case for the past week that I haven’t let anything else steal my attention away. I’ve replayed our last day together over and over again.

  I assumed we had crossed an emotional barrier when he confided in me about his brother, but I was wrong.

  Case stuck to the plan of leaving New York without me.

  He even did it sooner than I expected.

  “How are they?”

  “Mickey is great.” Her smile brightens. “He’s struggling a little with some of his summer school work.”

  My ears perk. “What kind of school work?”

  “I’m not sure.” She shrugs. “But, I know that Delaney would thank you in free cupcakes if you could lend a hand.”

  “I’d love to.”

  “Good.” She leans back in her chair. “Delaney didn’t seem like herself.”

  “Why?” I ask, even though I think I know the reason.

  I’ve interacted with many parents because of my work. I’ve seen the struggles they face. I know there’s an extra layer added to that for single parents.

  “She was vague about it.”

  “Vague?” I finally take a sip of the coffee, and it’s as good as I remember.

  When Case left for California, Lester stopped dropping by the apartment with a morning coffee for me.

  I’ve restricted myself to a coffee from the café next to Durie’s. It’s bland, but not overpriced.

  “All she would say is that it had to do with Mickey’s dad. It was literally that one sentence and then she changed the subject.” She looks to the counter. When the woman working the cash register notices her, she raises a hand in greeting.

  Bella smiles and waves back.

  “Do you think she heard from him?”

  Bella’s head slowly turns until our eyes meet. “He died before he knew Delaney was pregnant.”

  ***

  “She was eighteen when Mickey was born.” Bella shakes her head. “I’m twenty-four and some days I don’t think I’m ready to have a baby.”

  “The only thing I worried about when I was eighteen was which dress to wear to prom.” I tap my fingernail on the table. “Delaney was thinking about giving birth and raising a child all by herself.”

  “Her family helped.” Bella curls her hand around the cup in front of her. “Her aunt owns Sweet Bluebells. She’s the one who gave Delaney the job.”

  “Did Mickey’s dad’s family help at all?”

  Bella shrugs. “She never talks about any of them. I’ve only ever gotten bits and pieces about that time in her life. Once, I asked how they met, and she burst into tears, so I don’t press.”

  It must have been desperately hard to lose him and then to have his child alone.

  “She told me he was her first love.”

  Bella’s lips curl into a smile. “She told me that too.”

  I glance at my watch. “I have time to stop at Sweet Bluebells before Drake’s flight arrives. Is she working today?”

  Bella pushes back from the table. “I don’t know, but let’s go find out.”

  “You have time to go with me?” I shoulder my purse before I stand.

  “I always have time for a cupcake.” She skims her hand over the front of her dress. “This little lady loves those strawberry cream ones the best.”

  My brows perk. “It’s a girl?”

  She waves her hand in front of her. “I don’t know yet, but I feel it. I think we’re having a sweet little girl.”

  “She’ll be beautiful, Bella.”

  “Or he will be.” She chuckles. “Barrett is convinced it’s a boy, so who knows.”

  I laugh along with her. “Either way, that baby is going to be well-loved.”

  “That’s what matters the most, isn’t it?”

  I stop and look in her eyes. “I think it is. I think every child needs to feel loved every single day of their lives.”

  Chapter 63

  Case

  “You’re a fool!” my grandfather yells as he approaches. His bare feet are moving at a snail’s pace through the sand.

  “Good to see you too, old man.” I adjust my surfboard under my arm. “Did you catch my form out there?”

  Holding the straw hat on his head in place, he nods toward the ocean. “You’re getting there, Rush. Give it time.”

  I huff out a laugh. “You’ve been saying that for years.”

  “I didn’t say how much time you had to give it.” He gestures toward my house. “What say we head up and grab a beer?”

  I tug on the waistband of my board shorts. “It’s not even noon.”

  I’m still running on New York time even though I’ve been home a week now. I thought I’d find solace on the beach and under the California sun, but all I’ve found is emptiness.

  “Is that a problem?” He takes two steps in the sand. “The first one to the fridge buys the beers.”

  I follow behind him. “I already paid for them.”

  With a glance over his shoulder, he winks. “
That’s how it should be.”

  “You’re going to explain that fool comment at some point.”

  Trudging up toward the side door, he gives me a look. “What’s there to explain? You ran away from your future.”

  Cadby Easton has been more than a grandfather to me. He’s been my lifeline. I confided in him when I returned from Manhattan because I was carrying a burden that I couldn’t bear.

  I wept as I told him about Delaney, and before I could catch my breath, I confessed that I was in love.

  He’s been telling me to go back to New York every day since.

  Once he’s inside the door, he tosses the straw hat toward a chair. He misses just as he does every damn time.

  With a skim of his hand over his smooth head, he goes straight to my kitchen.

  I stop to lean my surfboard against the house’s siding before I follow him through the open door.

  I take the beer he’s offering even though I’m not in the mood for a drink.

  I’m not in the mood for anything, but Emma.

  “I booked you a flight to New York,” he announces with a wink.

  “Cancel it.” I march across the white tile floor to land my ass on one of the stools next to the island in the kitchen.

  “I’m going with you.”

  That draws my gaze up to his. “You’re what?”

  “You have unfinished business there,” he points out with a tip of his beer bottle toward me. “I have things I need to say to that girl.”

  I don’t need him to say her name.

  Delaney has been on his mind for days. She’s been on mine too, but Emma’s been the one stealing my thoughts.

  I miss her.

  I fucking miss her so much that I ache inside.

  I shake my head. “We’re not going.”

  “You listen to me, Rush.” He leans his elbow on the marble-topped island. His green eyes focus on mine. “You will never find a woman you love as much as Emma.”

  I fucking know that. I don’t need a reminder.

  “Do you think Apollo would have wanted this for you?” His arm does a full sweep in the air. “If your baby brother were here, he would kick your ass all the way to Manhattan. He’d tell you to be happy. He’d want you to drop to your knees and beg Emma to forgive you.”