Damaged

by Leona Keyoko Pink

  I heard him let out another sigh but he said nothing. I flipped through the channels until I found a movie I liked. I watched it but found it hard to focus. I kept listening for him to make the slightest movement or sound. I wondered what he was up to but didn’t dare turn around again.

  When the movie was nearly finished I heard the front door open. I turned to see Richy. He had a bag of groceries and shuffled into the apartment looking gloomy. Em quickly got to his feet and asked, “What is it? Did something happen?”

  Richy didn’t respond right away. He seemed lost in his thoughts.

  Em groaned, frustrated, and then whistled loudly to get Richy’s attention.

  Richy jumped a bit and looked at Em and me as if he’d forgotten we were staying here. He finally responded. “What?”

  “Did something happen?” Em asked again. I wondered what he was expecting. He sounded pretty serious.

  “No...” sighed Richy. “Nothing happened. Nothing is happening. You said we only had to watch him for a few days. It’s been a few days. I came to ask if we could stop.”

  I furrowed my brow. He said it had been a few days. It couldn’t have been. I was only here for about a day...unless I’d slept way longer than I realized.

  Em sighed and ran his hand over his face. He rested it on his mouth, thinking. After a moment he gestured to the bedroom. Richy groaned, clearly put out, but when Em moved to the bedroom he followed after him.

  They went inside and shut the door. I turned down the volume on the TV and attempted to listen to them but I couldn’t hear anything. I got on my knees and leaned closer to the door. I considered going up to it but if they opened it and I was standing there…it wouldn’t be pretty. A few minutes later I heard the door opening. I quickly sat back down, faced the TV, and turned up the volume, pretending I’d been intensely watching...surfing.

  I turned after a minute to see what was going on. Em grabbed his jacket and put it on. Richy slowly exited the bedroom, looking even gloomier, and very tired. I wondered what was going on. Em went to the front door and paused. Keeping his back to me he said, “I’m stepping out for a bit. Ri...” he paused, thinking.

  “Rockman,” said Richy. “Call me Rockman.”

  Em turned from the door and looked at Richy like he was an idiot, “That’s not a real name...and it’s too close.”

  “Fine. Waterman,” said Richy, getting testy.

  “Again, that isn’t a fucking name, just...Robert here will watch you,” said Emmit.

  Richy moaned, “Robert? Seriously? Uhh!!”

  I stood up, feeling I should have a say in all this. “One...I don’t need to be ‘watched’. And two, why don’t I just call him Richy since that’s his name?”

  Both men looked at me before looking at each other. Richy protested, “Emmit! I thought you just said we weren’t supposed to tell her our names.”

  “FUCK, RICHY!” said Em.

  “I couldn’t help but chuckle and then realized Em’s full name was Emmit. I’d only heard them call him Em… “Hmm,” I said to myself, “Emmit...Emmit,” I liked the sound of it.

  Emmit glared at me and then snarled at Richy, “We’re not!”

  “But she know my name!” said Richy.

  “I didn’t give it to her!” said Emmitt.

  “I overheard it,” I said. It wasn’t really a lie. I’d overheard, just not with my ears, and in my dreams. I wondered for a moment if Emmit knew I had dreamed of him with the others. He had asked me how I’d found him. Maybe...he didn’t know. The idea that I knew something he might not filled me with joy.

  Emmit clearly wasn’t happy but he never was. He was probably worried about what else I had ‘overheard’. He sighed, “Whatever… just stay here a little longer and listen to Richy.” Emmit turned and opened the front door. Before he left he added, “and stay out of trouble,” I think he was saying it more to Richy than to me but I suppose it applied to both of us. Without another word he left.

  Alone with Richy I sighed and he looked to be just about as thrilled as I was. He set down his grocery bag on the kitchen table and took out a six pack of beer. He pulled one out from the pack and popped the lid. Without warning he jumped over the couch and plopped down. He picked up the changer and changed the channel to sports before he started drinking.

  I sat back down and wondered again what Richy and Emmit had talked about and why Emmit had left. I knew something must have been going on but, like always, I was left out of it. I looked at Richy and saw he’d nearly finished half his beer. I had an idea and smiled to myself. It was clear Emmit wasn’t going to give me answers but...maybe, just maybe, Richy would.

  I didn’t want Richy to pick up on what I was after so I tried to take my time. I wasn’t sure how much time I had but I knew it was better to take things slow and get some answers rather than rush and possibly get nothing. I tried to narrow down what I wanted to know. What were the most important questions I hoped to get the answers for?

  I pretended to watch TV as I thought it over. I bit my lip, thinking over all my questions. I supposed I should find out who these people were. What was going on here? What was with all the mystery? Yes, there were a lot of important questions I could ask, but my mind drifted to the questions my heart wanted to know.

  What was this connection between Emmit and me? Why did he hate me so? What did it mean I was the girl he died for? I didn’t know if Richy had the answers to my questions or, if he did know, whether or not he would answer them, but I had to try. I formed a plan. I’d start out small with some casual questions and work my way up to the more complicated ones. I waited for Richy to finish his beer and watched him get a second one. When he came back and sat down I started making light conversation.

  “Uh, you like sports?”

  “Yeah,” said Richy, “But it’s all reruns right now. I suppose it’s better than nothing.” He sighed and took a swig of his beer.

  “Hmm,” I said. Great, we’re talking. Now let’s lead in to Emmit.

  “Does Emmit like sports?”

  “Yeah,” said Richy.

  “Cool...cool...” Alright, alright ask a more personal question, “How long have you and Emmit been friends?”

  Richy lifted his beer to drink and paused for a moment, thinking. He smiled to himself after a second and responded, “A while...”

  I watched him drink and wondered how long was a while. “You two seem really close,”

  “Yeah, we all are,” said Richy.

  Uh, I was beginning to think I sucked at this. I was getting nowhere at this point. I knew I needed to be patient to ease into things but- Richy let out a heavy sigh. I noticed again he seemed sad. I know I was after answers but I asked, “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah,” he said but I could tell he was lying. I knew whatever was bothering him was none of my business but at the same time I couldn’t help but pry. “You sure? It’s okay if you’re not.”

  He stared at the TV for the longest time but I could tell he wasn’t actually watching it. I tried to think about what I knew about him. He had a motorcycle, he liked to slick his hair back and wear a leather jacket, he could be dense, and recently he’d gotten in trouble with the others over a girl. I wondered if this had anything to do with her. It was a long shot but I asked, “Did something happen with that girl you like?”

  He sipped his beer and I wondered if he’d heard me. After a second he turned, confused, “The girl I like?”

  “The one you’re supposed to stay away from.” I said.

  Richy’s eyes widened with surprise. “How...how do you know about that?” he scrambled.

  “I know a lot of things.” I confidently lied.

  He looked at me suspiciously, “Did Emmit tell you?”

  “No,” I said, dragging it out, “I just know.” I just know...what kind of answer is that? Uh, I was blowing thi-

  “You know...but you’re not awake yet?” he stammered. Awake? What did he mean? I wasn’t dreaming. I was ninety-nine percent sure I
wasn’t. I knew my dreams and this...wasn’t one of them. He continued, “I didn’t think you got that power until you woke up.”

  “Power?” I asked, confused.

  He went pale, realizing he’d messed up. “Ah, it’s nothing. Nothing… pfft… thinking of something else.” He drank his beer nervously. I eyed him suspiciously. I don’t think he was talking about something else. I think he’d made a mistake...a mistake I didn’t understand. I bit my lip. Great, confusion upon confusion.

  He turned away and looked like he might get up and leave. I needed him to stay, needed him to keep talking. “The girl you like,” I said, getting back on track, “Did something happen?”

  He sadly sank back into the couch. “Yeah,”

  “What is it?” I asked.

  “She’s...She’s getting married.”

  “Getting married?” I repeated.

  “Yeah...I can’t really talk about it since, you know, I was supposed to stay away from her...”

  I knew from my dream that the others had all sat him down and warned him. He must have still been seeing her in secret and probably couldn’t talk to the others about this. “You can talk to me about it. I won’t tell anyone.”

  He looked at me hesitantly but sighed, “I just...I wanted to make sure she was okay. The guy she’s with has been acting all weird and shit, getting her expensive stuff out of the blue. I thought he was cheating on her, maybe. Some people buy stuff when they cheat. Good stuff, you know. I was just looking out for her but it turns out the dude was just buttering her up to ask her to marry him. I...I saw them in the park just before I came here and she said yes so...so she’s getting married,” he said. I could hear the anguish in his tone.

  I reached out to him without thinking and brushed his arm. “This girl, does she know how you feel about her?”

  “No,” he said. He went to take another swig of his beer. It was empty.

  “Let me get you another one.” I offered. I got up and quickly grabbed him another beer. I handed it to him and felt guilty. I was tearing at a sore spot and liquoring him up but, damn it, I was tired of being in the dark. Who knows, maybe I could help him as he helped me. Anyway, I could justify it to myself...right.

  He swigged nearly half of his new beer and said, “It’s complicated.”

  “Oh,” I said, “Well, isn’t love always?” I wasn’t exactly experienced when it came to love but I’d read a lot of stories and seen a lot of movies to know it wasn’t simple...

  “Hmp,” he laughed, “Isn’t that the truth.”

  “So how it complicated?” I asked.

  “Well, there are a lot of reasons.” he said, “For one she doesn’t even know I exist...”

  “Wait,” I said putting the brakes on things. He was in love with someone who didn’t even know he existed? I pulled back, thinking of Lynn. I hadn’t known him but he’d simply seen me and decided I was his. I looked at Richy... was he a stalker? I didn’t getting that feeling with him but no one had seen it with Lynn.

  I wanted answers and I wanted to help him if I could. But if he was stalking someone then...then I needed to stop him. Make it clear what he is doing is wrong. Maybe if someone had sat Lynn down...then maybe...I clenched my fists, “If she doesn’t know you exist then you don’t really know her, Richy.”

  “I know her!” He protested and then sadly added, “She...used to know me too,” He took another swig of his beer.

  He lost me. “I... wait. I don’t understand. She doesn’t know you exist but you knew each other?”

  He looked at me and sighed. “It...It’s like...” He looked around the room, trying to find the right words. “Like…like memory loss.” He said, his eyes widening, having gotten it.

  “Like memory loss?” I said

  “Yeah, yeah. Uh...she knew me but then lost her memory and now she doesn’t know me.”

  “Oh…Okay,” I said, a bit relieved. It was horrible that she lost her memory but I was glad Richy wasn’t a stalker. “What happened? Was she in an accident?”

  “No,” he said, “Well, not... does death count as an accident?”

  “Death! Wait, the girl you love is dead?” I just...he wasn’t make any sense. Know her, knew her, memory loss, dead, it was all bouncing around in my head.

  “No,” he groaned in frustration. He finished off his beer, “Just...uh... forget it. I’m not even suppose to be-”

  “Come on,” I pleaded. “I want to help you.” I had my own questions but, at this point, I was invested in Richy’s situation. Things seemed to be getting more and more strange by the second. I needed to make sense of it and figure out what was going on.

  I urged him to get up from the couch and took him over to the kitchen table. I got him another beer and we sat down. “Okay, so let me get this straight. You are in love with a girl you used to know who has, like, memory loss from...like death.” I paused, thinking I had to be mishearing him or not getting something and then it clicked.

  I think oddly enough I understood. I’d heard about people technically dying for a few minutes and then being brought back to life. He...he must have meant that, that’s it. “You, do you mean that she like died for a few minutes and then was brought back to life? Only when she was brought back, she didn’t have her memories?”

  Richy looked at me strangely as he took another swig of beer. When he pulled the bottle from his lips he slowly said, “Yeah...something like that,” He nodded and his eyes shifted from side to side. I wondered if he was freaked out by my powers of deduction or if he was starting to get drunk. I didn’t know. I’d never been drunk.

  I took a breath, feeling I understood the situation now. It was time to get back to the problem at hand, “So, this girl you love is getting married,”

  “Yup,” said Richy somberly.

  “Did she love you before?”

  “Love me before?” repeated Richy.

  “Yes, before she lost her memory,”

  “Yes,” he said, nodding, “Yes...yes...” he seemed to be trailing off in thought.

  “Well then,” I said, clapping my hands, “You have to say something.” Though again, I wasn’t any expert especially when it came to love, I figured if you loved someone and they loved you and it was meant to be, memory loss or not those feelings should still remain.

  At least, I assumed. Before Lynn...I...liked the idea of soul mates...that there was one person out there that, no matter what, love would find a way to bring you together time and time again. My aunt had told me about it. She was really into spirituality and the cosmos. When I was eleven, I thought it was the most amazing thing. Julia had thought it was stupid. I cringed, thinking of her. I did my best not to think of her at all. Her name was like venom...poison I wished to spit from my lips.

  I focused on Richy’s problem and continued, “You have to tell her how you feel before she gets married. If you both loved each other then you owe it to that love to at least try and remind her. She deserves to know how she felt and how you feel. She deserves a chance to choose.”

  I could tell he was considering this but finished off his bottle, shaking his head, “I...I can’t. Like I said,” Richy put his empty bottle on the table, “it’s complicated.”

  “How? You love her, she loved you. What is the harm in reminding her or just talking to her?”

  “I can’t. She’s not awake,” he said, leaning forward in his chair, “We’re only allowed to watch and make sure there isn’t any danger.”

  “What are you talking about?” I said, confused again.

  “We made a promise, all of us. We made a stupid fucking rule that if someone isn’t awake yet, we can’t interfere.” He let out a heavy sigh and buried his head in his arms on the table. I tried to understand what he was saying this time. This was complicated. I felt like I was untying a knot only to find another within it. I closed my eyes and thought over what he said. He and the others made a promise not to interfere if someone wasn’t awake. He’d said his girl wasn’t awake- Wait! He al
so said I wasn’t awake...Did that mean-

  Richy sat up abruptly and I opened my eyes, pulling me from my thoughts. He turned, looking at me excitedly. “I’m not allowed to interfere but you...you could-”

  The front door opened and Emmit was back. He saw us sitting together and all the empty beer cans. He looked upset. He glanced at me and then glared at Richy. I heard Richy swallow. Without a word Emmit stormed up to him. He grabbed the back of Richy’s jacket, yanking him to his feet. He dragged him out of the apartment and slammed the door behind them, shaking the wall.

  Chapter Ten

  Clearly Emmit was pissed! The last time he spoke to Richy, they’d talked in the bedroom. This time he’d completely taken him out of the apartment. He was probably going to yell at him and didn’t want me to hear. I doubted Richy was supposed to be talking to me, though I supposed he could be upset for another reason. Perhaps something had happened while he was out. I couldn’t be sure...I couldn’t be sure of anything these days.

  I sat there for a moment, staring at the front door. I was a little surprised at the force of Emmit’s slam, shaking the wall. For a moment I wondered if the walls were that weak or if he was just that strong. There was no way... right? I furrowed my brow and then groaned after a moment. I tried to think over what I had learned, if anything.

  I rested my elbows on the table and ran my hands through my hair. I messed it up and closed my eyes, trying to focus on what Richy and I had talked about. I realized I hadn’t asked a single one of my questions. I’d become consumed with Richy and the girl he liked. It was like a real life soap opera.She didn’t know him, she knew him, she was dead not dead, she had memory loss. She wasn’t awake-

  My eyes flicked open. I’d been...that’s right, I think I’d caught on to something. Richy had said something but what was it? I bit my lip, finding it hard to focus on everything that was said. I decided I needed to write it down. I got up from the kitchen table and looked for something to write on. I couldn’t find a single piece of paper. I settled for an old empty envelope I figured I could write on the back of.