The Broken Canvas

by Tai Barnett

  “What else do you want me to say, Lauren? What do you want me to say? When I found out that the woman, I love…the very woman that defines me…the lady that gave me a reason to breathe or even to make sense of my existence, tells me that she was seeing another man while she was with me?”

  As she listened to Andrew, she felt her body began to slightly quiver. She folded her arms and pressed her lips together, then tears started falling down from her bright eyes.

  “And worst, what is a man to do when he just lost his best friend, the woman that he adored and admired…respected? The woman that could do no wrong because she is better and was classier and wiser than that. The one that was the catalyst for my confidence in being a better man. The one who had sealed the deal and who I thought wanted to be with me for the rest of her life! Who had somehow…made a deal with the gods—with the universe, to find me because our essence was the same? The one and the only woman that I wanted to have my children—” Andrew’s voice dropped. Yet, he remained hard, not dropping a tear.

  He looked at Lauren crying.

  “Please tell her to move on, Lauren. I have done the same and would you all please stop with the texting and calling and emails.”

  “Well, what about the baby? You still don’t know if the baby is yours, Andrew?” Lauren said with a trembling voice

  “Nor do I care right now! And look at you! You’re caught up in the middle of all this…her life, when you deserve so much better!”

  “I know I deserve better, but blood is thicker than water and Natasha is my cousin and I love her.”

  But Lauren’s heart was breaking. Becoming overwhelmed by losing her own love, searching for another and the quarrels that had invaded her cousin’s own fantasy love story.

  "You all have no idea how short life is do you? You’re all just cheating, arguing, being unforgiving, and hateful of each other when everything else…life, is just passing us all by.

  I admired my cousin, and sometimes, I even envied what she had with you and even with Brody. Some of us have so much while others have nothing at all!"

  Andrew sighed, yet his stubbornness and passion unmoving.

  “But, still, I will be there for her right up until the end of time because she is a good woman.”

  Lauren started walking away but tripped on the break handle of one of the cycles that was in the middle of the living room.

  In his thoughtfulness, Andrew rushed over there and helped her up. For gallantry and empathy was in his blood.

  She wiped her eyes and looked at her feet.

  “Are you alright? I should have moved that a long time ago.” Lauren looked at Andrew and sighed.

  “I am fine. It’s just a little scratch. Don’t worry, either, I will tell her what you said and none of us will bother you ever again!”

  But almost three weeks later, Lauren received a text on her phone.

  Didn’t know what to say…

  I was just wondering if you were OK? Andrew wrote.

  Lauren looked at her phone with no definite expression.

  Sure, surprised to hear that you’re still alive. Lauren replied.

  For the next several weeks, Andrew and Lauren started texting back and forth—they were unaccountably becoming closer than ever.

  Now, before your mind starts running away with your imagination, this was nothing more than an innocent and platonic exchange of communication.

  Lauren never bothered sharing it with me, because she wanted me to move on, and well, Andrew was still pissed as hell as he explained to Lauren. As it appeared, Andrew was a rare and exceptionally loyal and devoted man who hated with the same amount of passion that he loved with. There were no immediate changes to occur in his heart, even though my cousin Lauren tried very, very hard to persuade him.

  Still, he would often time check up on the kids, as a matter of fact, always. Yet, he never bothered to ask for me and Lauren did make sure to fill him in on all my hospital visits and even sharing the sex of the baby.

  It seems that Andrew and Lauren had found a friendship in my chaos and misery but what they didn’t know was that kismet had been brewing something all along that we all knew nothing about.

  For the soul, sometimes, will have more than one soul mate, it seems. And only the universe will know when the time is right for a soul mate to be discovered. Then, the signal is given, and no matter what your circumstances are…your ties, history or kinship, the power of the soul mate is going to find you in some way or the other.

  Now, what one does with it…well, that is a question of morality and choice.

  Fancy Seeing You Here

  We ought to be careful of the things that we do and say to people. Our very words and actions send out certain vibrations and sensations into the ether, that will surely imprison the receiver—if he is not prepared.

  Then ‘bullseye’! Those feelings slowly start to corrupt and fester into the minds and bodies of that individual. It then turns into a certain kind of uncontrollable and toxic feeling that replicates, like how a malignant tumor does.

  So was Andrew sinking into the dark corners of hate, drifting off into a desolate place where he will surely be introduced to his shadow side? And if he is not willing or able to be strong enough to somehow overcome these dark and illusionary shadows of his heartbreak, then his soul will never be healed and shall never find love again?

  I had now turned a good man into a wondering fool because of love. Some souls are certainly more innocent and purer than others. Yet, if we only, but give them enough time to experience the tyrannical hands of this life, that untainted fortress that was once that person, will soon fall into the labyrinth of the foolishness…the corrupt and depraved laws that seem to govern this world.

  A man’s heart that was once hopeful of love had been transformed into hate, resentment, and relentless suffering. Yet, his only chance to find redemption is to open his eyes for the clues that the universe will now send him; if he dares.

  Andrew and Lauren texted and texted. Then they talked and talked and talked some more, until they found themselves within a rhythm of wanting to communicate with each other all the time. Not considering possibilities of betrayal, but only existing to comfort and support each other.

  They found themselves ‘synchronistically bonded’ to help each other through this hard time. To help each other’s soul and pain to evolve. And as much as I felt guilt for having been the one to cause this, it was the part that I was made to play it seemed, in the movie of life.

  Although our parts are unscripted, it somehow becomes natural. When the time is right, the current flows in the right direction, the tune is on just the right frequency. And as much as synchronicity had brought them together in friendship, so it had done to Brody and me.

  Yet, fate does not always have to manifest into lovers. It exists, sometimes, to be a momentary lesson or lives shared in commonality and divine and mystical unity.

  Then on one day, while Lauren was meditating upon love loss, her own Collin, her cousin’s and Andrew’s, a light bulb went off.

  It was looking at herself in the mirror that she realized that all the clues, even that book that she was given, all of her dreams that she had been getting, had been leading her to the man that had been standing right in front of her—Andrew.

  But Lauren didn’t want to believe it, at first. She just couldn’t accept it. Still it didn’t matter, because the wheels of destiny had started turning and manifesting into their lives, the momentum was building up.

  The phone beeped and Lauren received a text from Andrew.

  In New Orleans…can you believe?

  Going to take a trip to that strange man that gave you that book. Maybe he can tell me something about my future. Anyway, going to give you a call momentarily.

  The phone rang and Lauren answered.

  “So, you finally decided to go, huh?” Lauren said.

  “Yes, well, I don’t know why either. Something to do to stop thinking about all this, I g
uess…”

  Lauren sighed.

  “Well, I hope it works out. The kids have been asking for you, Andrew. And Natasha has been kinda under the weather, too, just thought you might wanna know.”

  Andrew became silent.

  “…I hate not telling her that we talk every day. You know she had her usual doctor’s appointment yesterday, she is due in a few weeks.”

  “I got to go now, Lauren. We will talk later on.” Andrew said.

  Yet, Lauren did nothing to force his forgiveness or her recognition of their bond. Only time could do that. If this was fate, she considered, then the universe would have to get him to see and feel the very same thing without her having to say one word. It was only his will now and his decision.

  Andrew stood in front of The Practical Voodoo Sanctuary and sighed. Taking a quick glance of the street, a memory of me was evoked when he saw the colorful paintings laying out on the sidewalk. He remembered me and my unfinished canvas and how, at least, one time for the month I made some change to it.

  He closed his eyes while listening to the people talking and laughing around him and heard a low type of jazz music playing in the background. A frigid gust of air swayed across his face down to his feet as he suddenly opened his eyes and walked into the store.

  A strange almost magical feeling flooded his mind and his body. As he walked through each aisle, he scrutinized the many odd and interesting items in the store. He noticed no attendants or the man that Lauren had seen, and he glimpsed the angelic wind chimes and dream catchers hanging from the wall.

  Suddenly, a low and meditative ambient music started in the background and he saw a woman wearing an expensive and gigantic black hat and white pencil skirt, standing in his periphery. The woman seemed to be looking for something on one of the shelves.

  As he turned to have a better look at the woman, he noticed that she was wearing black stockings with five-inch, high black stilettos and a white button down low-cut Vintage top. He looked at her for a minute but then not wanting to bother her, turned and started walking over to the other isle.

  “Fancy seeing you here,” the woman said in a deep Southern accent with her extravagant black hand-bag across her left arm.

  Andrew turned around and looked at the lady. Little did he know that this was Vernon’s mother, Julia. He noticed that she was a much older woman than she had appeared, but she was still sultry and beautiful. Her hair was silky, long and blonde and had dark smokey eyes and blood red lipstick.

  Andrew was wondering if he had seen her somewhere before why she gave him such a familiar greeting.

  “Ahh…hello. Ahh…have we met before?”

  She started walking towards him, but she was very mysterious and gave him a strange sensation. She gave him a feeling that she was wise and that she knew a lot about him, even though they were meeting for the first time.

  As she slowly approached Andrew, she looked into his eyes. She came almost 12 inches in front of him and sighed.

  “I was hoping that things would turn out differently than they are now. But…so it must be when we have a lesson to learn.”

  Andrew looked at her strangely. What was she talking about? Suddenly she got distracted by a book that she had been searching for. She bent over and pulled it from the row.

  She looked at the big dark brown leather finished book and smiled.

  “I know that I saw it in here before—somewhere—” She walked away and went to the aisle stacked with all kinds of candles, but Andrew soon followed behind her.

  “I am sorry. May I introduce myself, I am Andrew—”

  She turned around, looked at him and smiled.

  “Yes, Andrew Kingston…I know who you are dear!”

  While shaking her soft and warm hands, Andrew turned his head to one side, suggesting that he was still not sure how she knew him.

  She propped over and whispered.

  “Why, you’re that famous British actor, aren’t you? I recognize you from your movies.”

  “Ohh…well my movies, of course!”

  “It seems that you were thinking something else, dear,” she said looking into his eyes as though she was staring at his soul. She turned her head from side to side and sighed.

  “You know, the one that you’re meant to be with in this life is right under your nose…you just, have to be willing to forgive and reclaim who you had always been. Never make the grief or even the bliss of love change who you are, dear.”

  Andrew looked at her with his brows knitted, trying to make sense of what she was saying.

  She lifted her shoulders up and down and giggled while looking back at Andrew.

  “Honey, forgiving doesn’t mean surrendering, forgiving means letting go of the pain and making the choice to show compassion.”

  The wind started blowing heavily outside as Andrew looked through the window for a few minutes, considering profoundly what this peculiar and beautiful woman had said to him. But as he turned to ask her about what she was suggesting, he saw her on the other side of the street walking towards the bus stop.

  He ran out of the store but by the time that he had gotten to her, she entered the bus and it had driven off.

  I Am Never Gonna Fall in Love Again

  The inexplicable connection between Brody and I had always occurred within my heart. Yet, the very meaning and essence of it only existed and was known in the unseen world. The world where ‘otherworldly’ forces seem to dictate providence. The world that we do not understand upon this creation, nor do we want to believe that it exists.

  Yet, the true reality resides parallel to our own, giving us ever so often a glimpse into its certainty and potential to manifest itself into ours.

  Have you ever felt a connection to someone that you had never met? A man or woman that lingers in your thoughts and rests on your mind? And the only time that you had ever seen him or her was in a thought or a dream?

  Yet, when you finally see that person, when providence would say ‘May it Be’, when the forces are perfectly aligned and your ‘knowing’, your gut feeling manifests itself into the flesh, it is perfect. But, on other occasions, somehow, it doesn’t always turn out into the way that we had hoped it would.

  And still, life is a chance—a play of luck, if you will. Yet, by the end of the game, the only thing still left to do is to choose.

  Brody had always wanted to find love one day. It was a secret desire untold by a man of power and prestige but envisioned by only a child’s desire.

  Yet, time had changed desires and searching for what he did not know that he was looking for, was particularly cumbersome. He found himself even searching in ways that only a sucker would do, testing and tasting the differences of beauty and lust. And when that wasn’t sufficient, he denied any thing that even resembled love.

  Accepting that his fate had been sealed and his life is on a progression not controlled by his own doing, he surrendered to his ignorance and arrogance. He settled because he felt that a love lost could never be found in anyone else.

  Yet, if he only believed that love is everywhere, always evolving connected to the all and everything—connected to everyone, he would be open to finding love in all and in everybody, especially within himself. And that was all that he needed in this life—all that anyone does and not some system. But who was I to judge when I had a system all of my own? And look at where it had placed me.

  And love does not always mean physical intimacy, sometimes it can just bring a brief interlude of beauty into our lives for us to expand and to grow. Love is a fickle thing but…we are the ones doing the loving and we are the ones doing the choosing. Somehow, it is becoming clearer and clearer to me every day that if you’re not ready for love—the love of a man and woman—then it’s best that you leave love alone or realize that the love that you are searching for can be found right within your very soul.

  ***

  Brody was on vacation alone in one of his houses by the beach. He heard the doorbell ringing and listl
essly walked over to the door and pulled it open.

  “How are you, my friend?” Oscar said while walking inside of the house. The loud and deafening music bellowed through his ears as Oscar entered the front door.

  Brody sighed while closing the door and they both walked onto the patio by the back of the house, overlooking the sea.

  “Didn’t know that you were visiting,” Brody said. His spirit broken—his words slow and sad.

  While sitting on the patio chair, Oscar looked inside of the quiet and lifeless house and looked back at Brody,

  “Sad song huh?” Oscar said.

  “Recommendation from my brother, Martin. He loves these kinds of emotionally driven songs. I have to confess I love them, too,” Brody said while leaning on the bench with his legs folded by the ankle and looked out at the sun setting.

  Oscar unbuttoned his jacket and leaned back into the chair also looking at the sunset. He looked at Brody.

  “So, how is everything my friend?”

  Brody sighed and folded his hands.

  “Well…she is still not talking to me, won’t see me or anything. She won’t even tell me when she is having the baby.”

  Oscar sighed.

  “I have never seen her like this, it’s like her spirit has been broken, you know. I thought if she knew how I felt that that would be it but…” Brody explained

  “So, you did tell her?”

  “Well, I sent her a text saying how I was happy for this baby that could be mine and I regretted how everything turned out but, she refused to answer.”

  “Hmm…what can I say but, at least, you told her how you were truly feeling, right?”

  “I told her in my own way, but I never really got to tell her…how much I really feel for her,” Brody said.

  “So, what are you going to do if the baby turns out to be yours?”

  “I don’t want to stress her out. I will just wait until when I think she should be due and then go and pay her a visit. Because I just have to know Oscar! I already lost almost three years out of Charles’ life. I won’t do the same if this turns out to be mine!”