Kill or be Killed (Mafia Kingpin Book 1)

by A. G. Khaliq

  “Thanks for your help, guys…” he mumbled, breaking off his sentence as the tears started falling from his eyes again. He turned away from us, walking away sadly, leaving me and Keelan alone in the graveyard.

  I turned to Keelan, taking my head in my hands. “We should've done more to help her, man…” I tried. “Maybe if we'd gone to the police ourselves, we could've saved her. Maybe this wouldn't be happening.”

  Keelan took a deep breath in, continuing to hold the cross of Christ on his necklace. “We can't just blame ourselves for this incident, bro…” he mumbled.

  “I can't help but to feel like this is my fault,” I sniffed. “I was horrible to her, I got in a fight with you because I was angry at her. She didn't deserve this man…”

  I couldn’t keep my emotions bottled in anymore. The tears started to fall from my eyes, and they wouldn’t stop. “She didn’t deserve to die,” I sobbed.

  Another tear fell out of Keelan’s own cheek. He was trying so hard to stay positive. He was so strong… And I didn’t know how he did it. It felt like I’d already reached my own breaking point. I couldn’t take any more misery, any more shit going wrong…

  “We've gotta keep moving forward bro, no matter how hard it is,” Keelan said sadly, and then turned away from me, coughing up another sob. He stared at Ellie’s gravestone, and planted a soft kiss on her name engraved in the rock. “Rest in peace, Ellie,” he said, and with those words, he got up, and walked out of the graveyard, leaving me alone.

  I continued to stare at Ellie’s grave. I didn't know why this was affecting me so much. Me and Ellie weren't close, or anything. But it was making something snap in me. It was making my blood fucking boil. I was only fourteen… but I was already having dangerous thoughts. I wanted the man who sexually abused her to be tortured, to be killed. Ellie needed to be brought to justice.

  My whole life, I’d always been a good boy… but Ellie's death was just hurting me, and pushing me over the brink. I would go to the depths of the Earth to kill that bastard.

  It was scaring me what I was becoming. Before recent, my whole life was just revolving around Steve making me happy, and having a good time with my mum. A venomous thought never crossed my fucking mind. But ever since Mum wasn't well in hospital, everything had just been escalating. I got into a fight with my best friend, and I got involved with the wrong guys at school. I robbed an old fucking lady, like a heartless bastard. And when I felt bad about it and tried to console Steve, I realised I'd been living my whole life as a lie. Steve wasn't the saint I thought he was. He wasn't the good man I looked up to as I grew up. He was the kingpin of a drug cartel this whole time, and had been lying to me and Mum our whole lives. It made me wonder whether this goody-two-shoes act was worth it when I just kept on getting hurt by everybody I loved.

  Life came at me fast… In the shortest span of time, so much shit had already happened. Shit that would stay with me forever. Change me as a person…

  And that change wouldn’t be in a good way.

  DAYS LATER

  ∆∆∆

  I was the last to jump into the window, and I slowly creeped to the living room of the house, where Swoop, Likkle T and Chase were searching around for goods to steal.

  “Wow, this house is flashy as hell!” Swoop said, excited.

  “We're gonna be rich after tonight, boys,” Likkle T added.

  “Come on,” Chase urged quickly. “Let's grab some stuff before the owners come home.”

  I took a deep breath in… and then joined them, frantically shoving random items into a black bin bag for us to carry out when we ran out of the house.

  Since Ellie's funeral, a different side of me came out. I didn't care about the consequences of my actions anymore, and I behaved recklessly. I didn’t even feel guilty about the shit that I was doing now… The shit that I used to beat myself up about, because I felt so fucking bad. This time, there was nothing stopping me. Nothing getting in my way…

  Not even my conscience.

  I carried on robbing houses with the guys from school, and I played violent video games on my console.

  MUM

  Steve had come over, and he was waiting in my bedroom for me to come and join him. I was furious. My blood was boiling to the point it almost dried up. It was time to go upstairs to give him a piece of my goddamn mind.

  I shook my fists angrily, pissed off as I stormed into my room. He was standing there in just his boxers, with a smug look on his face, his skull tattoo on his chest exposed in all of its glory. He disgusted me in every goddamn way.

  “Come to bed, babe, it's late,” he smirked, rubbing his crotch in anticipation.

  “You've got some fucking nerve!” I screamed.

  “Here we go again,” he sighed, rolling his eyes. “What are you talking about?”

  “You beat me up for having a guy FRIEND on my phone, yet you're sleeping with another woman behind my back!” I yelled.

  “What makes you think that?” Steve asked, with a bewildered expression on his face. Wow. The audacity of this bastard. He had the balls to lie to my face, when I’d caught him red-handed.

  “I saw your fucking phone while you were in the bathroom!” I snapped. His arms folded angrily. He looked like his blood was running cold.

  “She said last night was great babe, when can I meet you for round 2?” I went on, furious. I was so sick of him at this point. So sick of him pushing me around, when he was the one who hooked up with other women behind my back.

  “So you're going through my fucking things now?!” Steve shouted. He sighed, trying his best to stay calm, and rolled his eyes again. “I haven't slept with anyone, bitches are just obsessed with me and like to cause shit.”

  He folded his arms, his eyes bloodshot as he stared at me.

  “Don't lie to me!” I roared.

  For once… Just once in his damn life. I wanted him to own up. To tell me the truth. To admit to his own goddamn mistakes.

  “You're a real bitch, you know that?” Steve spat bitterly. “I've done so much for you out of the goodness of my heart. You'd be out on the streets being a goddamn prostitute if it wasn't for all I'm providing for you and Louis. And you have the audacity to accuse me of this crap?!” He was yelling now. He took steps towards me, his fists shaking angrily.

  “I'm sick of this emotional blackmail!” I cried. I didn’t know what had come over me, but I suddenly felt braver than ever, and I wanted to stand up for myself for once. Even if it meant it backfired… “I don't want your goddamn money if it means I have to stay with someone who cheats on me,” I scolded bitterly. “I know my self-worth and I won't allow myself to be treated like shit anymore.”

  I balled my hands into fists. I was so angry… So damn angry.

  Steve seemed to find my courage amusing. He burst out laughing, like his life depended on it. He laughed and he laughed and he laughed… Crazy ass bastard. Why did I have such shit luck with men? Steve was a fucking psychopath.

  “You're delusional if you think anyone else would want you!” Steve barked. “Other men just want to get into your pants. I'm the only man who would put up with your shit!”

  He screamed, punching the wall behind me as I trembled in fear.

  “T - that's funny,” I stammered. “’Cos Matthew doesn't seem to think of me as someone just to sleep with.”

  I immediately regretted what I’d just said, knowing I was really in for it now. I’d just baited myself out… I was so stupid. So stupid…

  “So you are sleeping with Matthew, aren't you?!” Steve roared. His veins made their way to the surface of his skin. He looked terrifying. I didn’t want a repeat of what happened last time… I couldn’t go through that torture again…

  Steve screamed, slapping my face, so hard that my cheek started stinging. I coughed up a sob. I felt so helpless… So damn helpless.

  “You slut!” Steve bellowed.

  He slapped me again, twice in repeat succession, before kicking me so hard that I fell to t
he ground. I clutched my belly in pain, wishing he would stop… before he kicked me again, and I suffered with another blow.

  I couldn’t take this anymore…

  I couldn’t take this endless cycle of abuse and hurt…

  “Please, Steve, stop...” I begged. “I can't breathe...”

  “Fuck you, slut!” Steve bellowed, and screamed again, kicking me hard as I wailed in pain, my whole body shaking into a frenzy.

  “I'm going to ruin your life!” Steve roared. “Mark my goddamn words. Soon, Matthew won't even love you anymore.”

  He stormed out of the room, and I heard the door slam as he left the house. I continued to clutch my belly, unable to move.

  I needed to get a restraining order against that bastard…

  KEELAN

  I walked into my brother Jackson’s room, because I was feeling like shit and I needed somebody to talk to, and help me take my mind off things. After everything that had happened, with Ellie committing suicide, with me and Louis falling out… I could just use somebody close to speak to, like my fucking brother.

  Jackson was stood in the middle of his room, texting somebody on his phone while he bopped to some music in his earphones.

  “Hey bro,” I said, shrugging.

  “Sup, Keelan?” he asked, taking his earphones out.

  “I'm feeling kinda shit man, I was wondering if we could hang out,” I asked awkwardly.

  “I'm busy man,” he retorted, rolling his eyes.

  I put my finger to my chin in thought as I looked around his room. And that’s when I saw it…

  There were stacks and stacks of binbags on the other side of his room, full of flashy stuff. Beats by Dre headphones, iPhone X’s, Apple Watches, Rolex’s, gold chains…

  What the fuck? Rolex’s were £20,000 each. Where the fuck did he get all of these goods from, and why was he hiding them in binbags in his room?!

  I gulped, as I realised all of this shit was probably stolen. And I felt my blood run cold with fear.

  “What the fuck are all those stacks of bags on the other side of your room?!” I roared angrily.

  “Just some shit I'm selling,” Jackson shrugged.

  “Selling?!” I denied. “There's no way you would be able to afford that much shit in the first place!”

  “I didn't actually buy any of that shit,” Jackson remarked, rolling his eyes again. “I did fraud and got loads of money and then spent it all on stuff to sell to avoid getting caught.”

  “Fraud?” I repeated blankly. It felt like somebody had punctured me in the chest. My own brother… My own brother was a fucking criminal.

  “I thought you'd know better than this, Jackson!” I yelled. “What if the feds come to the house and see all this shit?! You could end up in prison and me, Mum and Dad will lose everything!”

  Jackson sighed, getting pissed off at me. He folded his arms angrily, his eyes piercing mine. I felt so hopeless. I didn’t know what to fucking do. I didn’t know what I’d do if I lost another person close to me. If Jackson got caught, I’d not only lost Ellie… I would lose my brother, too.

  “Relax man,” Jackson shrugged. “I'll have it all sold before it even comes to that.”

  “I can't believe you!” I bellowed, balling my hand into a fist.

  “Fuck off, you're just a kid!” Jackson spat bitterly. “What would you know?!”

  I took a deep breath in, taken aback. It felt like everybody around me was turning against me, and it was fucking shattering me. I felt so alone and miserable. Even my own flesh and blood didn’t want to be around me.

  I bolted out of Jackson’s room, a tear streaming down my cheek and falling onto the floor.

  After what happened with Jackson… I ran to the convenience store. I really didn’t want to be alone right now. I was keeping everything inside of me bottled up, and I really needed somebody to talk to, no matter who it was.

  The owner of the convenience store was an Indian man named Raj. I was one of his regular customers; I always went to his shop to buy some snacks before I went to school, so he was quite fond of me and we exchanged some jokes and banter here and there.

  He was the only person left that I could think of who would actually just sit there and listen to me without judging me or making me feel like shit for having feelings. Everybody expects boys not to cry… But that’s fucking bullshit. The mental health of a man matters just as much as a woman’s does.

  I walked into the shop, sighing. Raj was sat there behind the counter, counting the change in his till. He looked up and saw me standing there, and his eyes instantly lit up.

  “Keelan!” he exclaimed, with his hands on his hips. “My favourite customer. What can I do for you?”

  “Actually, I was wondering if I could talk to you,” I admitted timidly, and he rubbed his chin in thought.

  “Of course,” he smiled.

  And so I vented out all of my frustration about everything that was going on in my shitstorm of a life.

  WEEKS LATER

  ∆∆∆

  LOUIS

  I made my way to Ellie’s grave, tears streaming down my face. The funeral was weeks ago… Yet I found myself bending down next to her headstone again, trying to gain some closure. Trying to speak to her even though she wasn’t here… Trying to lessen the guilt that I felt for not looking out for her properly.

  I took in a deep breath, and then sighed. It was no use… The tears continued to fall.

  “Why did you have to go, Ellie?” I sobbed. “I feel so broken. Nothing is the same. I'm doing stupid shit, and I'm not the nice guy I used to be.” I rocked my head back and forth in my hands. “I just want you to come back. I keep blaming myself for what happened to you. You don't deserve this. You should be here with me and Keelan.”

  I screamed out. I cried and screamed, kicking and punching the ground as I yelled. I knew there was a God out there… Even though I wasn’t religious. But why did God have to let this happen?! Why did God let bad things happen to good people?!

  My throat went dry as I rocked back and forth, back and forth as I bellowed, and cried out to God. Cried out to him to fix things. Cried out to him to make things right.

  “You shouldn't have left this world…” I murmured, tracing the imprint of Ellie’s name on her headstone, as tears streamed down my face.

  I knew that after this tragedy…

  There was no going back.

  I would never be able to go back to being the nice boy that I once was.

  CHAPTER 9

  FORGIVE ME… FOR I HAVE SINNED

  LOUIS

  It had been two years since I'd gone to Steve's house that day, and Ellie had passed away.

  Two whole years.

  It was my sixteenth birthday.

  I didn't really want a fuss or a massive party - I was happy to spend the day with Steve and Mum.

  Me and Keelan had sorted things out since our fight, but we weren't as close anymore.

  That's a lot of what I had been doing recently - cutting off close ties with people.

  I had my stepdad Steve, and Mum, and that was more than enough.

  I walked into the living room to see Steve there, with Mum, with a birthday cake laid out on the table along with drinks and some other snacks.

  “Happy birthday little man!” Steve exclaimed.

  “Little?” I denied. “I’m sixteen now.”

  Steve chuckled, and then rustled in his pocket, pulling out an envelope from it. “Look what I got you,” he signaled, with his hands on his hips.

  I took it from him, wondering what it could be if he’d managed to put my present in an envelope. I was hesitant to open it. “Hmm,” I murmured.

  “Open it!” Steve demanded, a wide grin spread across his face.

  So I did… And as I opened the envelope, my jaw dropped in shock.

  The envelope revealed two tickets to a Stormzy concert.

  “Steve, you legend!” I yelled. “I'm going to a Stormzy concert!”

&nb
sp; Steve smiled, and Mum hugged me. “Come on, let's cut the birthday cake,” she said, smiling.

  I followed her to the kitchen, and saw her take a massive knife from a set of nine knives, long, sharp and glistening. Then she took the chocolate cake from the fridge, and we made our way back to the lounge.

  I took the knife in my hand and felt a weird feeling of déjà vu when I held it. I felt a massive surge of power flood my body. With this knife in my hand… I felt invincible. I could do anything that I wanted with it.

  I quickly shut off my thoughts as Mum started singing, and I snapped back into reality.

  “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday Louis, happy birthday to you!”

  I blew the candles and began to cut the cake, as Steve filmed me.

  I was sixteen. Sixteen, sixteen, sixteen. I couldn’t believe it.

  I devoured the cake and hugged my mum. Suddenly, Steve’s phone began to ring.

  He sighed, looking annoyed and irritated. “Let me just answer my phone, Louis. I'll be right back,” he said quickly, and then walked out of the room.

  I went on my own phone to check my texts, and lots of people from school had sent me happy birthday messages. I got one text from Keelan asking me if I wanted to hang out tonight, but Steve was meant to be taking me out. I opened Keelan's text to respond and explain why I couldn't chill with him today, until I looked out of the window and saw that Steve's car had gone.

  I took a deep breath in, feeling miserable all of a sudden. He’d killed my mood. He'd left me again. Just like he had when I was fourteen playing Grand Theft Auto and eating pizza. He'd left me without telling me where he'd gone… when he promised he’d be right back.

  Even after all of these years, Steve continued to disappoint me. Even after how many times I countlessly forgave him for all the times he let me down, and for everything I found out about who he really was. I stayed loyal to him, and kept my word to him… But he wouldn’t do the same for me.