Teresa: Everybody Loves Large Chests (Vol.5)

by Neven Iliev

  The strange catgirl hug-tackled Fizzy with such speed that it wouldn’t be a surprise at all if she had injured herself. However, this didn’t seem to be the case as she eagerly embraced the golem with her whole being. She rubbed her cheek against Fizzy’s, licked her neck, stroked her back, and patted her head, all at the same time. The golem giggled with delight in a clear show of approval. Jessie didn’t expect such a reaction, nor did she anticipate the strange thought that drifted into her mind upon witnessing it.

  I wonder if she’d let me do that eventually…

  Part Four

  The catgirl aggressively cuddled Fizzy for a good three minutes. The Forest Gate had already closed itself and the dwarven ‘mercenaries’ had long since cleared the plaza by the time she let go of the radiant golem. She then greeted Lola with a shorter, more modest hug before finally introducing herself to Jessie as one Keira Morgana, a 3rd Legion scout and Fizzy’s apprentice. Under normal circumstances, that last bit would’ve thrown the gnome for a loop. An airhead like that the disciple of a Fizzlesprocket? It was a preposterous notion, yet hardly the strangest thing Jessie had learned that day.

  After introductions, Keira and Fizzy went to pick up a load of heavy crates that the catgirl ordered on her Mentor’s behalf. There were so many of them that they had to borrow a cart in order to get them back to Fizzy’s improvised workshop. Granted, the golem could’ve probably handled that weight all on her own, but sheer volume of the cargo made it too dangerous to transport by hand.

  Of course, the catgirl’s antics didn’t cease on the ride back to camp. She kept caressing and rubbing her face all over Fizzy’s frame in the back of the cart. Yet again the golem seemed happy about it rather than annoyed. Lola, who sat at the front, just sort of ignored them and focused her attention on steering the horse-drawn cart through the winding streets. The only one that had a problem with Keira’s behavior was the gnome seated next to the elf up front. She tagged along mainly because of Fizzy, but the beastkin’s shameless actions started to get on her nerves.

  How could she treat her Mentor that way? It was brazen, shameless, and extremely envi-

  “By the way, Jessie?”

  “Ack! Uhm, y-yes?”

  Being addressed so suddenly by the source of her annoyance caught the gnome a bit off guard and completely derailed her train of thought. She reflexively turned back and found the catgirl’s piercing yellow eyes staring right into hers.

  “You said you were an Artificer too, right?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Do you have a specialty like Fizzy?”

  “No, not quite yet. I’m still only Level 43. I’m planning on becoming a Flamespitter Artificer though.”

  “Oh, nice! I was thinking of being one myself!”

  “Huh? Aren’t you going to become an Arclight like Fizzy? Isn’t that insulting towards your Mentor?!”

  “Well… I mean, I’m grateful for her guidance but…”

  “She’s no good at it,” Fizzy interjected with a tired tone. “Keira may have a lot of potential, but both Flamespitter and Automata would be a much better fit for her than Arclight.”

  “Oh. Well, if Fizzy says so, then it’s probably true.”

  “Uhm, I feel a bit out of the loop here,” Lola joined in over her shoulder. “What’s the difference?”

  “Arclight Artificers like me use electricity and magnetism to create complex devices with a variety of uses,” explained Fizzy. “Automata Artificers mostly make mechanical dolls called Automatons. They’re golem-like things that may or may not run on magic. As for the Flamespitters, they’re the best when it comes to handling combustible materials. Rockets, propulsion, flamethrowers, advanced explosives – that sort of thing.”

  “Hah! Hahahaha!” laughed Lola. “I see, I see! That last one is indeed a perfect fit for the Merry Popper!”

  “Lola! I told you not to use that embarrassing nickname!” Keira protested.

  “Merry Popper?” asked Jessie almost involuntarily.

  “Yeah, see,” the elf ignored the catgirl’s protests, “this redhead has been exploding things around her ever since we graduated from the Consortium together. I don’t think a day passed without something or another being blown to bits around her.”

  “You’re exaggerating!” the girl in question insisted.

  “Uh-huh. Is that why you went hunting for game with a row of grenades on your belt and returned with a stack of mangled and charred boar carcasses.”

  “W-well…”

  “You’re also the only nutter I know who thought it was a good idea to strap miniature bombs to your arrows.”

  “That’s… um…”

  “I could go on. So I will. Did you not get heavily reprimanded by Optio Fenriel for instigating The Fiery Meatball Incident?”

  “What’s that?” Jessie asked on reflex.

  “Let’s just say we learned not to mix explosives in with monster bait,” Lola said cryptically. “Of course, the Merry Popper over here had a goofy grin on her face in every one of those stories. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she was nuttier than Fizzy.”

  “Hey! Leave me out of this!” the golem protested.

  “My personal favorite incident was just before we were conscripted,” Lola carried on. “We were clearing out a troll den not too far from the capital, and Keira had the bright idea of using a flashbang on them. She messed up the throw and it bounced off a tree branch, then went off right in her face! And yet she just laughed it off as if going blind for a minute or two was no big deal!”

  “Come on, Looolaaa! You’re making me sound like a weirdooo!”

  The catgirl grabbed the elf’s shoulders from behind and shook her desperately while Lola laughed heartily at her expense. Both of the women ceased when Jessie placed a hand on Keira’s arm out of nowhere. The catgirl turned towards her with a face on the verge of tears, only to be met by a pointlessly determined expression and a thumbs up.

  “I totally get you!”

  “Y-you do?”

  “Of course! Explosions are an Artificer’s romance, after all. Having a solid boom rattle my bones while hot air washes over my face – it makes me feel alive!”

  “Hmm, I can’t say I agree with you on that, but I can see where you’re coming from,” Keira warily replied.

  She paused for a few seconds before staring at Jessie’s face. The gnome wasn’t sure what brought this on, so she brushed it off as just another strange quirk. Or at least she tried to. That intense, unflinching glare made her feel increasingly uncomfortable at an alarming rate. Thankfully, the redhead relented before things got too awkward.

  “So, then, what are you working on, Jessie?” she abruptly changed the subject.

  “My team’s main purpose is to set up a minefield.”

  “Oh, landmines?”

  “Y-you know about those?”

  “Of course, I do. I’m Fizzy’s disciple, after all!”

  “Right, of course…”

  As expected of a Fizzlesprocket. Even if the former gnome’s family lived half a continent away in ‘exile’, they had still heard the news coming out of Horkensaft. If this was the girl that helped create those elegant Boom-tubes, then her knowledge of explosives was hardly surprising.

  “So, have you already laid them out?” she asked excitedly.

  “Not yet. So far I’ve planned to set them in several rows far ahead of the walls, just within range of our defensive line.”

  “… Oh.”

  “What?”

  That one syllable was loaded with so much disappointment that Jessie couldn’t help but feel a bit insulted.

  “I mean… I don’t want to question your expert opinion or anything…” the catgirl hesitated for a moment. “But are you sure that’ll accomplish anything?”

  “Of course it will. Once people realize their every step could blow them up, they’ll start to hesitate. Either they will slow their advance or brave the minefield. Either way, they’ll serve as area denial that wi
ll surely buy the defenders the precious time they need.”

  “Yeah but, you do realize Druids and Shamans are a thing, right?”

  “Uh… Care to elaborate?”

  “Well, you see, Druids can ‘see’ beneath the soil. Not to mention that back in the… in… the… siege… there… this…”

  The catgirl’s expression rapidly grew dark and her voice lowered in volume until she was basically moving her mouth without making a sound.

  “Back in the battle for Fort Yimin,” Lola took over, “there was this amazing enemy Shaman. He caused a gigantic earthquake that toppled a whole section of a wall. Granted, he used an Ultimate Skill to do it, but even run-of-the-mill Shamans can shake the ground to a certain degree. That’s what you wanted to say, right?”

  “… Yeah. Thanks, Lola,” Keira said in a near-whisper.

  “Don’t mention it,” the elf replied in kind.

  “My point is,” the catgirl continued, “there’s a good chance those guys will detect and remotely detonate your minefield with no difficulty. We’ve nailed them with many nasty surprises already, so they’re bound to be on high alert.”

  “Crap. I didn’t consider that at all! Argh, I’m such an idiot! Of course there’d be magic that makes all my hard work pointless! I can’t even use them as a deterrent! Aaaah, I’m such a failure!”

  Jessie’s sudden tantrum upset the horse pulling the carriage. Though the military thoroughly trained their steeds to not be startled by sudden noises, this simple mare wasn’t one of them. It started neighing and stomping, prompting Lola to fervently reign it in before something happened to the cart, its cargo, or its passengers.

  “Woah, easy there!” the elf admonished the gnome. “Your flailing about isn’t helping anything!”

  “But I’ll be ruined! Ruined I say!” the blonde midget persisted. “If I can’t deliver on the contract, I’ll be left penniless! In debt! Bankrupt! It’ll take years to work it off!”

  “What, you’re giving up already?” Fizzy looked at her with disdain. “Sweet Jonathan, you’re such a crybaby.”

  “What else am I supposed to do!? If I can’t hide them in the dirt then they’re useless!”

  “So don’t hide them in the dirt.”

  “… Huh?”

  Jessie stopped her bawling and turned towards the catgirl who said such an idiotically obvious thing.

  “There’s plenty of other places that a good landmine can be hidden without being adversely affected by the Primal Spells of Druids and Shamans.”

  “Yeah? Like where?”

  “Under the floorboards of houses,” Keira stated in a dull monotone. “Beneath the cobblestone tiles of streets and alleyways. Rigging them up to drop the enemy into the sewers or collapsing a building or two on top of them would also be good. Could put them inside the wall itself, but that’d probably backfire.”

  “I… Yes… There is that, I suppose…” Jessie answered nervously. “I’ll, uh, think about it.”

  She couldn’t help but be creeped out, both by the brutality of the idea and the dry way it was delivered.

  “Aaah, serious-mode Keira came out,” Lola shook her head.

  While the elf genuinely enjoyed the company of that cheerful and open-minded catgirl, she became a completely different person in the field. Well, she liked this calculating and ruthless side of her, too. It was a necessary mindset for a soldier, especially someone responsible for the lives of her fellow conscripts. Still, the drastic shift in attitude was a bit unnerving at times. At the very least, Keira seemed in complete control of her faculties and wouldn’t start arguing with the muffin man inside her head like a certain someone.

  Even if Fizzy’s split personality thing was supposed to be a Skill, it was still super weird.

  “You know what? That might actually work,” Jessie admitted amidst the awkward silence. “That wall is coming down sooner or later, so preparing for what happens next rather than trying to delay it seems like the better idea. My team will need to modify the triggers on over five hundred devices and I’d have to run this by the Legate, but it’s definitely doable.”

  She turned towards the catgirl with perhaps the first genuine smile she’d shown her.

  “Thanks a lot for the input, Keira. You’re a lifesaver!”

  “Nah, it wasn’t that big a deal. Any adventurer would’ve told you that much if you had just asked.”

  “Yes, I suppose you’re right. They keep telling me I need to communicate more, but it’s difficult for me. It’s one of the downsides of being such a shut-in.”

  “You’re a shut-in? How come?”

  The bluntness of the question hit Jessie in the chest like a brick. Still, she felt indebted to the newcomer for her input, so she felt obligated to offer something in return.

  “I have agoraphobia.”

  “What’s that? Can you eat it? Is it tasty?!” the redhead seemed strangely excited.

  “Erm…”

  “It’s a type of mental disorder,” Fizzy chimed in. “It causes anxiety and panic in places that make you feel exposed, and is somewhat common among certain underground-dwelling gnomish and dwarven communities.”

  “You’re awfully well-informed, huh?” Lola nonchalantly noted.

  “I used to have it as a kid. I got over it, though.”

  “How?!” Jessie desperately asked. “Seriously, I’ve been struggling with it for almost a decade! It’s a huge problem!”

  “I don’t know,” the golem shrugged. “I just kind of got over it after a while. You’re a gnome, you should be able to do that much.”

  Gnomes were the weakest of the enlightened races when it came to raw strength and endurance. It was an inevitable downside of having small bodies that couldn’t build up as much muscle mass as humans, elves, or even dwarves. However, they had quick fingers and quicker wits. Their inherent mental fortitude was exceptional, as demonstrated by the gnomes’ ability to process information and deal with difficult emotions several times faster than other races. Therefore, ‘get over it’ wasn’t merely an insensitive remark, but an actual thing Jessie could have done to alleviate her irrational fears.

  “I’ve tried!” the woman protested. “I try so hard every day, but I can barely manage a mantra that helps me cope!”

  “I don’t know,” Fizzy shrugged. “Meatbag problems require meatbag solutions, so don’t look at me like that.”

  “Um, Miss Wobblebang?” Keira butted in. “It’s been bothering me for a while, but does your condition have something to do with your curse?”

  “… Curse? What curse?”

  “Hm? Now that you mention it,” Fizzy muttered.

  The golem leaned forward and stared at Jessie’s face. It was the same intense glare that the catgirl used earlier, but the gnome didn’t mind it since it was Fizzy’s.

  “Oh, yeah. It’s faint, but it’s there. You’ve got a curse,” the Paladin declared.

  “Y-you’re sure?”

  The shiny construct raised her shield and tapped on it.

  “Trust me, I know what I’m talking about. Here, I’ll graciously get rid of it for you.”

  Fizzy reached over, causing the cart to creak slightly under her shifting weight. Her finger extended towards the gnome’s forehead, causing the woman to freeze up on reflex. Thankfully, the golem didn’t flick her into unconsciousness but merely tapped her skull while chanting a Spell.

  “Cleanse.”

  A swirling mote of prismatic light spun around Jessie’s head, briefly filling her with a warm, fuzzy feeling that everything would work out. The light faded a few moments later, but the uplifting sensation remained. Jessie dumbly turned her gaze skyward and was delighted to find that the sight of clouds in the vast blue sky no longer made her want to start digging a hole to hide in.

  “Woah. That’s… I can’t even begin to thank you.”

  She would’ve cried tears of joy if she wasn’t already emotionally exhausted from the much-too-eventful day.

  “Don’t
mention it,” the Paladin brushed her off. “I did it for myself, not you.”

  Jessie was a naive female gnome Artificer in her early twenties. Those traits alone put her on the verge of infringing on Fizzy’s ‘trademark,’ but her carrying a curse was too much. The self-centered golem couldn’t allow someone else with circumstances so similar to her own. It would make Fizzy less unique and diminish her overall shininess. Such a travesty couldn’t happen, so she resolved the matter in the most expedient and efficient way available. It was a good thing for Jessie that her curse was weak enough to be removed by a basic Spell like Cleanse. Otherwise Fizzy would have been forced to seek more drastic solutions.

  “I have to thank you as well,” the short blondie turned to the tanned redhead. “I can’t believe you noticed it so easily.”

  “You’re welcome,” Keira beamed. “I’m just glad it was an easy fix. That said, I am an adventurer, so I expect to be compensated for my trouble.”

  “Of course,” Jessie instantly agreed. “Honest pay for honest work, as they say. What’s your price?”

  “I wanna see your workshop and study your work.”

  “Oh. Uh, hm… that puts me in a rough spot,” she winced.

  “I’m a Decanus, clearance shouldn’t be an issue,” the redhead stated confidently.

  “That’s not what I’m worried about. I don’t know how safe it is to have you poke around a house full of explosives…”

  “Just for the record,” Fizzy butted in, “Keira can put together and dismantle a fragmentation grenade while blindfolded.”

  “Woah. For real?”

  “No! Of course not! Fizzy just has too much pride in her student, hahahahaha!”

  “Right, of course! Well, if she thinks so highly of you then I have no reason to refuse.”

  “Sure you do,” said Lola. “For one thing, Keira has responsibilities as a Legionnaire and a Decanus.”

  “Yeah, about that, what’s a Decanus?”

  “Even though she doesn’t look like it, this girl’s an officer with a ten-man unit under her command. You probably can’t tell since you’re not military, but that’s a huge achievement considering she’s a conscript.”

  “Oh, right!” exclaimed Fizzy. “I forgot to speak with the CO about transferring to her unit!”