Escaping Memories

by Amanda Siegrist

  "You keep saying that. Are you reminding me, or yourself?"

  "A bit of both." He sighed heavily as he moved his hand away from her chin. "Honey, you're weaving your way into my heart. And not just as me helping you on this case. I mean, as a man wanting a beautiful woman. I keep saying I'm the sheriff because I am. I shouldn't have these sorts of feelings. I certainly shouldn't act on these feelings. I just shouldn't."

  "Maybe you will when we find the answers?" she asked so softly, he almost didn't hear her.

  He leaned closer, against his better judgment. "Do you want me to?"

  "Yes. Just like how I want to sleep next to you tonight instead of on the couch. I keep falling off anyway. I feel better wrapped in your arms. That's what I was originally trying to ask. Can I sleep on the floor with you, Logan?" she whispered.

  "When you ask me like that, how in the hell can I refuse?" he said, closing the distance between their lips.

  Her soft moan filtered through his body, zapping him into a hardness he never felt in his life. He wanted her to the point of madness, yet knew he would not cross that line, even as he pulled her into his arms and gently rolled her to the floor. Her moan had given him access, his tongue swirling with hers. The kiss was the sweetest, tenderest kiss, he ever experienced in his life. As he held her in his arms, kissing this delicate, gorgeous woman, he knew he needed to stop.

  Logan pulled his mouth away, yet held her firmly to his body. "Honey, you make me forget when I shouldn't. I don't want to take advantage of you."

  "You're not taking advantage. I know what I'm doing. I may not know who I am, but I'm certainly not dumb."

  "What if you're married? Or dating someone? How are you going to feel when you remember? Where does that leave us...me?"

  "But I'm not."

  "You remember that? Or are you basing it on Kat's game, that could or could not be reliable," he said, releasing a heavy breath.

  She puckered her lips in contemplation as her eyes became worried. "I suppose Kat's game, but it feels right. And if I never remember, are you going to keep me at arm's length forever?"

  "You'll remember."

  "You're always so sure."

  "I have to be. I'm—"

  "The sheriff. I know. Sheriff, you make me feel things I imagine I've never felt before. Sure, no memories, of course. But right now, I don't care. I like being in your arms and that's where I want to stay. So don't push me away, please," she said with a soft cry as she buried her head in his chest.

  Logan blew out a silent breath as he squeezed her tighter, and started to rub her back soothingly. "I'd never push you away, honey. My heart can't handle that. I'm all yours until you tell me otherwise. Just keep in mind what could happen when your memory returns. And keep in mind, I may not be able to give you back to another man. Especially having you in my arms now. Once something's mine, I don't like to share. You're in my arms now and that's where you'll stay."

  Chapter 7

  Doni sat on the wooden rocking chair outside on the cabin porch. The afternoon breeze felt lovely on her face. She had gotten used to feeling the wonderful breeze flow through her the last few days. Logan had started to make it a habit of bringing her outside to the porch to sit and enjoy some fresh air. Slightly chilly air, but so fresh she didn't mind. Sometimes silence would reign, and sometimes they talked. Mostly Logan. She enjoyed every minute of hearing his stories. Stories of growing up, making mistakes, moving away, coming back, and his favorite part of life, this cabin. She saw why he loved it. The peace that surrounded his little haven helped her find a bit of peace from the current mess she was in. She didn't want to leave.

  But his vacation was over. Tomorrow he had to report to work. His determination to find the answers concerning her still had not weaned down, if anything, his determination increased daily. She still couldn't remember anything. Kat tried to visit every day, and between her and Logan, they played the memory game. The things she answered with felt right, but no memories ever joined the feeling. She had no idea if they were right or not. That made her feel even more lost.

  Logan had searched the woods when Kat did visit, coming up empty each time. No trace of where she emerged ever smacked him in the face. She saw the frustration, the helplessness vibrate through his body every time he stepped back inside the cabin. He tried to hide it, but she had, quite easily, tuned into his moods without effort. It made it especially easy when he ran a rough hand over his face. She always hid a smile when he did. She couldn't help how adorable it made him appear.

  Every time he got off the phone with Charlotte, his smile she just loved disappeared. Nothing new. Charlotte still couldn't match her picture to anything on file in the missing persons database. The number of missing persons in the country made her job difficult. And Charlotte was taking her time so she didn't miss a thing.

  Doni wanted to know who she was, but then, at times, she didn't. What happens if her life was horrible? Was she a horrible person? Did no one report her missing? Maybe nobody cared about her. Did she have a boyfriend or husband? Could she leave Logan and go back to this person she had no recollection of? And the answer that always surfaced—no, she couldn't leave Logan.

  At night he held her gently, always so careful not to hurt or increase the pain with any of her injuries. Although, as each day passed, she continued to heal, her injuries clearing up or becoming fainter. She could even walk without help. Delicately, and very slowly, but on her own.

  Each night, right before they closed their eyes, he would kiss her. A gentle, sweet, tender kiss that sent tingles of anticipation throughout her body. She wanted him to do so much more, but he never did. She knew why. He was still hesitant to take that leap. He was the sheriff, of which he still said frequently. She figured it was his way to remind himself. She just didn't care. She wanted him. She started to think she would have to take the first leap. She wasn't sure she could handle another night in his arms without taking a little more than just a kiss.

  And when her nightmares, or memories most likely, shot through her mind in the dead of night, he was always by her side to calm her. One simple touch, gentle squeeze, and tender words normally did the trick. She calmed down, turned her face into his chest and cried softly until she fell back into a peaceful sleep. The nightmares never deviated either. Always the same terrifying scene. Small, damp room with no windows. Chained to the wall and a nasty man hitting her, yelling at her. She never could make out the words or his face. Nothing. She figured she was nothing until her memories came back.

  "Well, now, I don't like this look on your face, honey. What's the matter?" Logan said, kneeling down in front of her, almost to the point of scooting between her legs as he rested a hand on each of her thighs.

  "Nothing."

  "Well, no, it's something. You don't look happy and I wanna know why," Logan said, smoothing his hands further up her thighs.

  "I'm nothing, Logan, just nothing. What am I going to do?" she whispered, as she looked him in the eyes.

  "You're a beautiful, brave, funny, kind, aggressive...I could keep going describing what kind of wonderful woman you are. But you are not nothing. What you are going to do is come home with me. Unless you want to stay with Kat. Just because my vacation is over and we're heading back to town, doesn't mean I'm dumping you to the side of the curb. You didn't think that I hope?"

  "Aggressive? I'm aggressive. Is it because I kicked you that one time?" she asked, tipping the corner of her lip up.

  "No, not because of that. That falls under the brave category. Aggressive is for the playing cards category. You're ruthless, just like Kat. It's just a game," he said, his lips moving into a slow, sexy grin that she just loved to see.

  "Yes, I know. But it's a very fun game. You said you'd play with me and you haven't yet. I've only played with Kat so far."

  "Yeah, I refuse to play with her because of her tendencies to overreact about things. I did say I would play with you. Can we at least make it a little more interesting?" Logan asked
with a devious grin on his face.

  "I like interesting," she said, lifting her eyebrows as she tried thinking of what he meant by that.

  "Then that's settled. Back to the issue at hand, you aren't nothing."

  "But what am I supposed to do? I can't just keep sitting around. I'm feeling better. My feet are better. Every day it gets better to walk."

  Logan lifted a hand and ran it over his face as he let out a sigh. He put his hand back onto her thigh just a little higher, getting closer to the spot she had been craving for him to touch. Every time he reached higher, he drove her just a little more insane. "But your feet aren't fully healed, and I would feel better if you didn't do too much too soon. Let's start with one thing at a time. Where do you want to stay?"

  "That's a dumb question, Logan. I want to stay with you," she said firmly, her forehead bowing in wrinkles as she frowned at him.

  "Well, I didn't just want to assume. I want you with me as well," he said with a smile. "Don't look at me like that, please?"

  She curled her lips back into a small grin just for his benefit. "And the next thing?"

  "I was thinking if you want to come to the sheriff's office with me, you could help Charlotte at the front desk. I...I don't know if it'll be difficult for you to look through missing persons or not, but I thought maybe you could do that. It's been on my mind to ask, but I just didn't want...I understand the feeling of restlessness. I figured you'd hit that sooner or later. What do you want to do? Whatever you want to do, I'll make it happen."

  She lifted her hand that had been resting on the armrest and cupped his cheek. "You're such a kind, gentle man. Always worrying about me, my feelings, how I will react. Why do you put up with me and my hysterical ways?"

  "Because it's easy. You make it easy with one simple smile directed my way. You're not hysterical either."

  Before she knew what he was going to do, he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her closer to his body. She dropped her hand from his cheek at the sudden movement and rested it on his shoulder, her other hand joining the other side of his shoulder.

  "Honey, your feelings are the utmost importance to me. You may have no memory, but that doesn't make you nothing. Now answer my question. What do you want to do?"

  "I would like to help Charlotte."

  "Are you sure? I don't want you doing anything that may be difficult for you. And if it does become difficult, I need you to tell me. No hiding anything from me, including your feelings. Are we clear?"

  "Yes. I like when you hold me like this. You should do this more often," she said, reaching up to comb her fingers through his hair.

  Logan closed his eyes for a brief moment as he savored her soft touch. "You tempt me too much, sweetheart." He opened his eyes to see her staring at him. "You shouldn't look at me like that."

  "Like what?"

  "Like you want me to devour you right here on this chair. Because I just might."

  She puckered her lips in anticipation and leaned closer. "I want you to devour me, Logan."

  He groaned just before he closed the distance and started to devour her mouth. She fingered through his hair again, grabbing him tighter as she slowly made her way to his back. His tongue dug in right away, tangling with hers as she pushed further into his lap. His knees were starting to kill him leaning on the porch, but with this beautiful woman in his arms, he just didn't care.

  He knew she could feel his hard bulge pressing just nicely into her hot center because she lifted her body a little to press even closer. The movement made him deepen the kiss, deeper than he had ever taken it with her. He always tried to keep it light, with just enough desire for him to pull away. The way she moved in his arms made it difficult to remember why he should be gentle and pull away.

  The next thing he knew, he was pushing back, the chair rocking to their movements. As he kissed her, she tangled her fingers everywhere on his back to his hair, and he relished in the small, soft touches she gave him. She grinded into him again, the chair rocking towards him as she did, his hardness growing to the point of pain. He needed her so badly.

  But before he could do anything crazy, like stand up and carry her back inside the cabin, his knees finally gave out as she pushed into him again. He fell slightly backwards and to the side, her crashing with him. She sprawled across his body and her body started to shake, her head pressed into his chest. At first he worried he went too far and she was crying, until he heard the soft chuckle escape.

  "Are you laughing at me?" he whispered into her ear.

  She lifted her head, a bright smile illuminating her face. "No. I'm laughing because we fell over in such passion. You make me feel so alive, Logan."

  "Oh, damn, honey. Me too. We just shouldn't do this...not yet, at least," Logan added when her smile dipped down a fraction.

  "When? Because I like how you make me feel. Am I doing it wrong?"

  "Hell, no. You aren't doing anything wrong. I just think we should take it a bit slow. It's only been a week. I like you in my arms. I really do. And now I'll never look at my cabin porch the same. I will picture you and I lying here wrapped up in a silly embrace on this porch. What a beautiful memory," Logan said, grabbing a quick kiss from her.

  "It is a beautiful memory," she replied, grabbing another kiss from him because she wanted to extend the memory. "It may only have been a week, but I feel like I've known you forever. You make it that easy."

  "Remember what I said. You're in my arms and it's staying that way. But we should take it slow."

  "Should and want are two different things. Maybe we should, but that doesn't mean I want to," she said as she finally lifted herself off him.

  "Trust me, honey. I know the difference. And I feel the same," Logan replied as he stood up. "But we...let's move on, for now. I'm going to make one more sweep through the cabin to make sure I didn't miss anything. Go ahead and hop in the truck."

  "Okay, Logan. For now," she said, and slowly made her way down the steps to the truck.

  Logan watched her for a brief moment, then abruptly turned towards the door and stalked inside. She was pulling on his heart and making it difficult to resist her. He was still wondering why he did. Then he thought of another man waiting for her somewhere and he easily clamped down his urges. Could he trust Kat's little memory game? Was she really free and unattached? Did it really matter when she felt so delicious in his arms?

  As he quickly walked around the cabin seeing everything in its place, he decided, no, it didn't really matter. He'd fight to keep her if he had to. Why was he fighting the urge to make her completely his? Her body was healing nicely, the bruises barely making her wince as they tenderly kissed at night. She might be ready. He just didn't want to hurt her. He didn't want her to feel any pain, especially from him.

  As he flipped the light switch off, he winced at the thought.

  Only a week.

  One week and he wanted that beautiful woman who sat in his truck with a pain so real it could drop him to his knees just thinking about it. How in the hell had he fallen so fast?

  He opened the door, shutting it with ease, and glanced over at her. A bright smile shined back at him as he made his way to the truck.

  Oh, yeah. That's how he fell so fast. She made it so damn easy.

  He opened the driver's side door, hopping in without effort, and turned the key. "All's good. Ready to see the town? We'll just drive through tonight and head home right away, but it's small so you'll see it all with just one drive."

  "Don't you lock your door?" she asked, a frown forming as she glanced at the cabin.

  "No. Never have up here and I'm not going to start," Logan said.

  "But anyone could just walk in. They could steal from you," she said as her frown deepened.

  He cupped her cheek, pulling her face towards his a little. When her eyes landed on his, he gave her a sweet grin. "A beautiful someone did just walk in and she wouldn't have been able to if I had locked my door. Before you came, I've never had a problem. I
'm not going to worry about it. It's just not something I do. And I don't want you worrying about it either. You have enough to worry about."

  "Okay, Logan. When you put it that way. For a kiss, I won't worry about it."

  "Are you bribing me with a kiss?"

  "I am." She raised an eyebrow as she leaned her head into his hand with a devilish smile playing on her lips.

  "Well, I can't refuse that sort of bribe." He leaned over the seat, cupped the other side of her face and dove in for a kiss. If she thought he would make it light, he had no intention of doing that.

  She immediately opened for him, tugging on his tongue, moaning in delight as she tried scooting closer to him. But the seatbelt impeded her movement, making her groan in dismay. He felt the frustration in her kiss, clutching her face a little tighter. He pulled on her tongue with his own, then slipped it away, nibbling gently on her bottom lip.

  He sat back, resting his hands on his own lap to prevent himself from releasing her seatbelt and taking her right there in the truck. Or worse, hauling her back in the cabin and never leaving for the night as he ravished her to the point of sin.

  "Did that suffice?" he asked a bit hoarsely.

  "Yes, it did, Logan. Thank you. I'm ready to see the town," she said as she settled back into her seat a little more comfortably.

  She watched him nod at her, adjust himself better in the seat as well, and buckle up. He put the truck in gear and headed off for their destination. Instead of slight apprehension running through her veins of leaving her safe haven, she thought of getting to Logan's home and having her way with him. She heard the slight roughness in his voice. He was wavering in his desire. She knew he wanted her. She knew he was leery. But she heard him wavering. She would break him before the night ended. She wanted him and she refused to wait. She needed this. She couldn't pinpoint the exact reason why. She didn't think it was just lust running through her body either.

  "Long thoughts over there again. What are you thinking about? Are you nervous about leaving the cabin?" Logan asked as he glanced at her again for the umpteenth time.