Body Switches

by Barbara G. Tarn

  Sebastian poured her coffee while she checked Johnny's schedule, pinned with a magnet to the fridge door.

  "So you have morning shift?" Sebastian asked, offering her a mug.

  "My schedule says so," she answered, a little worried.

  Sebastian smiled. "Want a lift?"

  "Sure, thanks."

  While Sebastian was driving, her cell phone rang.

  It was Johnny. "You didn't ask me for my doctor's number. Yours gave me the rest of the week off, I thought maybe you wanted to do the same?"

  "No. No, thanks, Seb is taking me there already," she answered quickly.

  "What? You mean you're going to try doing my job?" Johnny sounded shocked. He'd never take her place with Mr. Moore, and he'd lose her job. And Chris.

  "I guess I better get used to it," she said sourly. "Can't be too hard, can it?"

  "If you say so. I'll come over this afternoon."

  "Sure, see you later."

  She hung up and looked apologetically at Sebastian. "Sorry, it's this girlfriend, she's really giving me a hard time."

  "Where did you meet her?" Sebastian asked, curious.

  "Uh... at the mall, we were shopping the same places."

  Sebastian nodded, amused, and pulled over. "Here you go. Have a nice day."

  "Thanks." She stared worried at the building, then at Sebastian's encouraging smile. "See you tonight."

  She lightly kissed Sebastian's cheek, ashamed of herself, and got out of the car, rushing inside the building without looking back.

  ***

  Marian stared in disbelief at her body's transformation. Johnny had dressed her in the latest fashion, wearing light makeup. And he had dyed her hair platinum blond.

  "What, you don't like my new look?" he asked, showing off in Sebastian's living room.

  "I never considered being blonde, and now I know I was absolutely right!" she snapped.

  "What do you mean?" he protested. "I look great, and besides men prefer blondes."

  "And what's next, you'll change my name to Marilyn?" she asked, sarcastic. Johnny's adoration for Marilyn Monroe was obvious – pity she was more an Audrey Hepburn or Ingrid Bergman type.

  "Why not. And I'll be a show girl," he challenged.

  "Please!" she scoffed. "First of all, my body is not twenty anymore. And I'd like to let you know not all men prefer blondes. Chris is one of them."

  "Because he hasn't seen how good-looking I am." Now he sounded like a drag queen. With a female body. "How was your day at the call center?"

  "I survived," she shrugged. "What did you do?" Besides the obvious hairdresser, shopping...

  "Well, I'm getting organized, just give me time." Johnny sat on the couch like a diva.

  "Really? You're getting organized?" She was sarcastic again.

  "Yes!" Johnny beamed. "I booked the clinic."

  "What clinic?"

  "Breasts enhancement!"

  "Breasts... what?"

  "Your tits, honey, can't you see how small they are?"

  She froze, counted to ten slowly then took a deep breath, trying to keep control.

  "Listen. What happened is definitely uncommon, and we don't know if it's permanent or not, therefore you better not touch my body!" She exploded nevertheless. "Or I'll have your dick removed, so that if you get your body back, you'll be missing a piece!"

  "I thought I was doing you a favor!" He whined. "Besides, if my appointment comes round and I'm still in this body, I'll do what I please!"

  "Who's going to pay?" she asked.

  "I'm sure Chris will approve!"

  "I doubt it. When are you supposed to go to that clinic anyway?"

  "Six months from now. Will you concede that if in six months time we're still like this, it's permanent?"

  "I concede that if you touch my tits, I cut your dick."

  "Then you won't be able to feel pleasure anymore!"

  "That's what you think."

  Johnny pouted. "These guys are really good, you should see the work they've done on Doris..."

  "No. Forget it. If this is all the organization you're doing, we're doomed." She was still fuming. How could he be so irresponsible to think about permanent changes to a body that wasn't his?

  "No, we're not!" Now he sounded hysterical. Great.

  "Yes, you'll lose my job, my husband, and everything I earned by being just a good girl!"

  "You're boring," Johnny spat with contempt. "You can't cook. You're probably frigid. I wonder how you could find a husband in the first place."

  She decided to ignore the mention of sex – from a sex-crazed point of view, she must look frigid. "I was blessed when I met Chris," she said through clenched teeth, as her patience threatened to run away from her. "I was still working on deserving him, and you're ruining everything."

  "I'm doing my best," Johnny protested. "And you drive me crazy!"

  "You drive everybody crazy!" she exploded. "Now, do you want to know more about my job, so that on Monday you'll know what to do?"

  Johnny rose from the couch, thoughtful, staring at her. "Yeah, sure," he said absentmindedly.

  "What are you looking at?" she snapped, jarred.

  "I need to thank you, you make me look real good," he said, sauntering to her.

  "I think you love yourself too much."

  "And you don't love yourself enough." Johnny smiled and caressed her cheek.

  Marian felt her Adam's apple going up and down, as she stared speechless at her own face softening.

  "Don't you think I have a great body and that you could make the most out of it?" he asked.

  "Uh... no, I mean, I don't know..."

  "I've always dreamed of kissing myself."

  He threw his arms around her neck and passionately kissed her.

  Marian was so stunned she didn't even close her eyes. Her own lips shocked her into motion, though, and she shoved Johnny away, disgusted.

  "Are you out of your mind as well as your body?" she shouted, furious.

  "I knew I'd taste good," he said, licking his lips.

  "You're disgusting!"

  He chuckled. "Definitely a woman in there," he said. "You'll make the perfect gay man. Enjoy it."

  "You... I... Forget it, man, I want my life back!"

  Johnny handed her a Kleenex with a giggle. Of course, he was wearing lipstick.

  She glared at him while she wiped her mouth.

  Johnny smiled pleasantly. "Now tell me everything about your job."

  Unless I kill you first, she thought, still furious. But going to prison with Johnny's pretty body wasn't really a good idea, so she better keep her cool.

  ***

  Johnny sent a message to Luke and stopped a taxi. He went to their usual coffee shop and impatiently waited for his best friend. He was very excited by his new condition and Marian's threats didn't scare him.

  He saw Luke come in and look around, but of course his friend didn't recognize him. Johnny chuckled and waved at him. Luke's eyes darted around, puzzled. Johnny pointed his index finger clearly and signaled Luke to come over. Stunned, Luke obeyed.

  "It's good to see an old friendly face!" Johnny said, elated. "Sit down, Luke!"

  "You know my name?" Luke asked, stunned.

  "You came here because you received a text message, right?" Johnny enjoyed his friend's confusion.

  "Yeah, but I was expecting my friend Johnny..."

  "Told ya you wouldn't believe what happened! I'm Johnny, now sit down before I tell you the rest!"

  Luke gaped at him, so he grabbed Luke's wrist and forced him to sit down.

  "I have a female body, but it's still me. But you must call me Marilyn now."

  "That's very funny." Luke didn't look amused, though, as he frowned at him. He didn't believe him, obviously,

  "I know, I'm always the lucky one." Johnny was too excited to bother. "That's what you always say, I got Seb, you got Gabe, I wanted to be a woman and now I'm living it! And you better believe me, or I'll kick you out of
my life with no second thoughts!"

  Luke's jaw dropped. "My God, it is you! What happened? How? When?"

  "Two days ago." Johnny was very proud of himself. "I just woke up in this body..."

  "Wait wait wait! When was that?"

  "Tuesday morning, why?"

  "That's why you were so weird that night! It wasn't you!" Luke brightened and Johnny slapped his arm with a chuckle.

  "That's why I didn't take your calls... well, she didn't." He pointed at his new body. "Her name's Marian. She's married, no kids. Her husband's so-o sexy!"

  "No kidding! But he's straight, right?"

  "Yeah, but I have a female body now." Johnny showed it off, then frowned again. "Well, these are a little too small, but Wonderbra does miracles in this department," he added, cupping his breasts.

  "And you can always enhance them if you find the money," Luke added, delighted.

  "Well, Marian is a frigid bitch," he pouted. "She says she's going to cut off my dick if I touch her tits."

  "Ouch." Luke shook his head. "But it's your body now, isn't it?"

  "Yeah, fuck her," Johnny decided. "I'll do what I please."

  "Now I know why you've been avoiding my calls for two days."

  "She's so-o shy!" Johnny grimaced. "She's totally useless! And she tells me I drive everybody crazy."

  "You do, but that's why we love you." Luke smiled fondly at him. "Although with this new look... dunno, Sebastian might not like it much."

  "Fuck Sebastian. I have a husband now. I'm a woman! I'm living it!"

  "Cool! I can get used to your new look! How is it the sex part?"

  "Heavenly!" he assured. "Well, it's getting late. I gotta go, make a nice dinner for two and wait for hunky Chris... I'll call you tomorrow, OK?"

  "Sure." Luke gave his thumbs up. "Hey, you look good in that dress."

  "Thanks." Johnny blew him a kiss and left, humming to himself.

  6.

  Marian had prepared her usual, mostly precooked dinner, leaving the kitchen almost clean. Sebastian looked surprised, and she wondered if it was the simplicity of the meal or the fact that the kitchen was not a mess. Or both.

  She wondered what Johnny was doing in her own kitchen, but mostly in her own bedroom with Chris. She cringed at the thought. She couldn't even accuse Chris of cheating on her because he wasn't. She wondered if he liked the flamboyant Marian, or if Johnny was testing his patience as much as he was testing hers.

  "You're very quiet lately, what's bothering you?" Sebastian asked.

  "That friend of mine, Marian, she's ruining her life – and mine. She can't take a relationship seriously, she loves herself too much... she's so empty, she almost looks brainless!"

  Sebastian smiled. "That's what they say about you."

  "Why did you pick me, then?" she asked, depressed.

  "You can be sweet when you want to. And you need help. A lover, a brother, a father."

  "And you're all that?"

  "I'm trying to."

  "Oh. I guess I'm not really appreciating it the way I should." It was official, then. Johnny was brainless and so selfish he didn't even realize his luck. Sebastian loved him and was trying to help him, but Johnny was so volatile, he probably had already forgotten Seb to throw himself at Chris. Bastard.

  "You're young, I understand you want to enjoy life." Sebastian's tone was so patient, she wondered how he could be so calm with someone like Johnny. He must be very in love. "But you can't live like this forever."

  "Seb, I don't think you should waste your time with him, I mean, me – I'm not worth the effort."

  "Of course you are. Especially now."

  "I'm not really myself at the moment..." I'm working for Johnny's happiness while he's destroying my life! Way to go, girl!

  "You're going through a phase." Sebastian patted her hand. "You said so yourself. Maybe you're realizing what's going on. I'm sure you'll come out better."

  "And I'm sure I'm going to quit on you for no reason." She sighed, moving away her hand from under his, even if she liked his touch.

  "No you won't." Sebastian grinned, oblivious. "What do you want to do tonight?"

  "I picked up a couple of movies, so you can choose which one you prefer."

  "Cool, what did you get?"

  "Nineties oldies – Jeffrey and In&Out. I like both, hope you haven't seen them."

  "We saw Jeffrey together, remember? And I thought the Nineties were long before your time, as you were still a pretty straight child back then."

  "I read the pitch and they sounded interesting," she lied. Of course, Johnny was younger than her. He probably ignored the "older" gay filmography she was so fond of.

  "No problem. What is the other one about?"

  ***

  Chris toyed with the remote control while Marian started the dishwasher with a huge sigh. Chris knew she didn't like being a housewife, but it contrasted with her new cooking skills, so he kept switching channels, unable to stop on anything.

  She joined him on the couch and put her arms around his neck, trying to kiss him. He turned his head away, annoyed. "Please, enough."

  "What, you don't love me anymore?" she pouted.

  "I do, but..." A whiff of perfume reached his nostrils. No makeup but an expensive perfume? "What's that perfume you're wearing?"

  "Chanel Allure," she answered proudly.

  He sighed, putting down the remote and taking her arms away from around his neck. "I thought we were saving for the house. And did you really have to dye your hair blond? You keep buying expensive dinners and all that stuff..."

  "I spent the day in the kitchen, using my mother's recipe book, and you think I bought it precooked?" she protested.

  "You don't have a recipe book!"

  "There's one in that cupboard!"

  "That's my mother's. And I usually use it better than you."

  "So you're mad at me because I learned to cook better than you?"

  "I'm not mad at you, I only need some rest, OK? The week isn't over and I haven't called in sick."

  "Do you want a massage to relax?" she offered, hopeful.

  "You can't do massages," he snapped.

  "Try me." Batted eyelids again.

  He hesitated, but he was tired. Of fighting with her and of the strange week.

  He switched off the TV. "OK, but only a massage. No sex, you hear me?"

  "Yes, sir," she promised with a Boy Scout sign.

  Chris gave up the idea of trying to figure out her strange behavior. But he really hoped it was only a phase and wouldn't last much longer.

  Her hands massaged him like an expert masseuse and he slowly drifted to sleep.

  ***

  Marian loved the end titles of In&Out, and apparently Sebastian enjoyed Village People's "Macho Man" as much as she did, because they both danced to it at the same time. He had rhythm, just like Chris.

  The movie ended and they collapsed on the couch and into each other's arms. She saw Sebastian's mouth approach and she lowered her head, so his lips met her forehead. Her heart was still drumming too fast and Sebastian's warmth was both embarrassing and comforting.

  "Did you do like Kevin Kline with your wife?" she asked, trying to break the awkward moment.

  "Yeah, well, after the wedding," he shrugged. "Almost a year after, actually."

  "You walked up to her and told her 'I'm gay'?"

  "Yep."

  "Wow." She was impressed. "That was brave. And how did you know?"

  "I had a Tom Selleck coming up to me and making me feel things I could never dream of, except he was called Alan."

  "So he kissed you and you left your wife for him?"

  "He awoke me," Sebastian explained, amused. "I left my wife, but not for him, no. I tried a few guys before finding you."

  He bent her head so he could kiss her mouth, taking her breath away. Pity he wasn't really kissing her, but selfish Johnny.

  "Whoa, slow down," she panted, trying to keep him at arm's length.

  "Wh
at, you don't want me anymore?" He frowned, pulling away from her. "Is this Marian so important to you? Are you becoming straight all of a sudden?"

  "No, no, she's not – I'm not in love with her, but..."

  Sebastian smiled again. "Then let's go to bed and have sex," he suggested.

  She gulped down her feelings and her shame. She couldn't...

  Then Sebastian lifted her in his arms and she surrendered. He put her on their bed and slowly undressed her. She shyly took of his clothes – God, he was gorgeous! – but she didn't dare touch him, he had to grab her hands and put them on his body.

  His hands and lips seemed to be everywhere and her new sex had come alive. She was living her sexual fantasies, she had a dick, and it wasn't dangling down hopelessly, but stood straight and ready next to Sebastian's.

  They came on each other's belly while trying to devour each other's mouth. She was glad he didn't ask for more as he cuddled her to sleep. Exhausted, she curled up against him, and drifted off to dreamland.

  ***

  Considering that Chris had fallen asleep during the massage, Johnny had set up the alarm clock at 7am. He didn't sleep much, while his hands explored his new parts. He wished Chris would make love to him instead of sleeping, but Marian's husband obviously didn't have a daily sex routine.

  Johnny slept a couple of hours and woke up before the alarm clock, excited at the prospect of a new day as a woman. He jumped out of bed as soon as the alarm went off and rushed to the kitchen. He had missed his big breakfasts for the past couple of days.

  He made the eggs, bacon, toasted bread, and by then it was 7.30. He rushed back to the bedroom and saw Chris come out of the bathroom, freshly shaven and half dressed.

  "Why did you set the alarm clock half an hour earlier?" he asked, buttoning his shirt.

  "Because I wanted to prepare your breakfast," Johnny answered promptly.

  Chris scoffed. "The one you totally forgot about for two days?"

  "I was sick. You don't seem to be taking your coffee in bed..."

  "No, thanks. I'll be there in a minute."

  Satisfied, Johnny went back to the kitchen. He poured the coffee in two mugs, and then Chris stepped in the kitchenette.

  "Wow." He stared in disbelief at the fully dressed table. "I can't eat all of this."

  "Help yourself to whatever you want, I'll finish the rest," Johnny shrugged. Another Sebastian. How could those men start their days without a proper breakfast?