All I Ever Wanted

by Alexa Land

  When a loud siren shrieked behind me, I stopped and blinked a few times. Brian froze in mid-punch. He was holding a guy who looked like Paul Bunyon by the front of his shirt, and when he let go, the guy fell to the ground. Hunter pulled Ash to his feet while Brian retrieved his cane, and Quinn came up beside me and brushed some dirt off his white shorts.

  We all turned to look at the county sheriff as he stepped out of his cruiser, and Cole muttered, “You have got to be kidding me.” When I asked him what was wrong, he whispered, “Remember my story about that asshole in junior high, Wiz Schumer? That’s him.” I took a good look at Wiz. He was average height, average build…really just average all the way around. He had the kind of face you’d forget five minutes after meeting him, because there was nothing distinctive about it in any way.

  Schumer tipped back his hat and said, “Evening, fellas. I just have one question for you: who threw the first punch?”

  “Lonnie Fulbright.” Cole’s voice was full of venom.

  Fulbright stepped forward and said, “That’s not true! Cole hit me first! We were just minding our own business, and—”

  “Bullshit, Lonnie.” Since that came from Schumer, I was a bit surprised. He turned to Cole and asked, “Do you want to press charges?” Cole shook his head, and the sheriff turned to the group of locals and said, “You boys best be getting home to your wives. You got lucky this time, but if I hear of another incident like this in my town, you’re getting locked up, no two ways about it. Do I make myself clear?”

  Fulbright muttered, “Yeah, alright,” and shot daggers at us as he and his friends slinked off to their trucks.

  We watched them go, and then Schumer turned to us and asked, “Is everyone okay?” We all said we were, and then he gestured at Cole and said, “You’re going to have quite the souvenir.”

  Cole’s right cheekbone was beginning to swell up and discolor, but he just shrugged and adjusted his glasses as he said, “The other guys looked worse.”

  Schumer grinned and said, “You’re not wrong.” He tossed his hat through the open window of his squad car and brushed back his dark blond hair as his expression grew serious. “I was sorry to hear about your grandmother, Cole. She was a nice lady. I would have come to the funeral, but I was working.”

  Cole watched him for a long moment, and then he asked, “Why’d you side with us, Wiz?”

  “It’s Wendell now, and I did that because it was the right thing to do. As soon as I heard you were in town, I knew there’d be some sort of incident.”

  Cole raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

  “I’m just saying, trouble always had a tendency to follow you around. Partly, it’s because you never put up with anyone’s bullshit. If someone called you a name, or even looked at you funny, you’d always get right in their face. More often than not, it resulted in a fight. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming you. All you were doing was sticking up for yourself. I know you never started it, and I also know you got beat up plenty of times with no provocation. There are some real jerks in this town.”

  Hunter chimed in, “You’re including yourself in that statement, right Wendell? Remember what you did to Cole when we were twelve?”

  “Hi Hunter,” Schumer said. “It’s good to see you. I run into your folks down at the Stop ‘n Shop all the time. And of course I remember what I did. It’s one of the biggest regrets of my childhood.”

  Cole stared at him for a long moment, and then he turned and started to head to Ash’s SUV, which was about ten feet away. Instead of following, I turned to Schumer and said, “Don’t you think apologizing to Cole for ridiculing him in front of the whole school might be an idea?”

  “I already tried that once, when we were seniors in high school. Cole cussed me out.”

  “Try again,” I prompted. “Now that you’re both adults, maybe it’ll mean something.”

  Schumer called after Cole, “I really am sorry for betraying your trust like that. I felt terrible about it as soon as I did it.”

  Cole didn’t look at him. He got to the SUV and tried the door handle, but it was locked. As Ash crossed the lot to let him in, I asked Schumer, “Why’d you do it?”

  “Because I saw the opportunity to finally make someone besides me the school laughing stock. I’m not proud of that. But like a lot of kids, I didn’t stop to consider anyone’s feelings but my own.” Cole crossed his arms and stared at the SUV, and Schumer went over to him and said, “I was an asshole for doing that to you. You don’t have to forgive me, but I want you to know how sorry I am. I kept one of those packets of your poems that I handed out at school. It’s in my desk at home. I held on to it as a reminder of who I was, and who I never want to be again.”

  Cole turned to him and said, “Burn it when you get home.”

  “Why?”

  “Because it’s fucking embarrassing and I never want anyone else to read that shit, that’s why,” Cole muttered.

  “I’ll burn it because you asked me to, but it’s not bad, Cole,” Schumer said. “I and the other kids were just ignorant. I could have photocopied Coleridge, or T.S. Eliot, or Keats, or any of the greats, and the kids still would have laughed. We didn’t know any better.”

  Ash had unlocked the car by that point, and Cole pulled the door open and studied Schumer for moment. Then Cole asked, “Were you really laughed at before I moved to Gomsburg?”

  “God yes. Just look at the fact that everyone used to call me Wiz.”

  “What’s so bad about that?” Cole asked. “You told me it was short for Wizard.”

  “I lied. Everyone called me that because I wet my pants in church once. In my defense, it was a very long sermon, and I was five years old. You do one embarrassing thing, and the people in this town never let you forget.”

  “Why do you stay here, Wendell?”

  “Actually, I left for a few years. I went away to college and got a position on the force in Boise after I finished my police training. But then Sheriff Briggs retired, and I saw an opportunity here at home. He was sexist, and racist, and xenophobic, and the person they were considering for his position was even worse, so I decided to apply for the job. Not like I’m perfect or anything, but at least I try to be fair and unbiased. That’s what this town needs.”

  Cole watched him for another moment, then said, “I’m glad I ran into you, Wendell. Take care of yourself.” He got in the backseat of the lavender SUV, and I slid in after him.

  Our friends followed, and as Ash pulled out of the parking lot, Brian brushed Hunter’s hair back from his face and asked, “Are you okay?” The two of them were wrapped up in each other’s arms in the passenger seat.

  Hunter nodded and grinned a little. “All those years of self-defense training paid off. I didn’t take a single hit. The worst thing that happened to me was that Ronnie Phillips pulled my hair. He stopped when I kicked him in the balls. Is it wrong of me to admit that was deeply satisfying?”

  “It all was,” Ash said. He’d fared somewhat worse than Hunter. His white T-shirt was torn almost in two, and he was bleeding from a small cut on his forehead, but he was smiling. “I felt like I was fighting for every gay kid who’d ever come up against a bully.”

  I leaned across Cole and planted a kiss on my roommate’s cheek. “That’s for jumping in when that bald guy came at me,” I said. “Thank you, Quinn.”

  He looked pleased, and told me, “Well, I wasn’t going to let anyone hurt my best friend.”

  “I’m your best friend?”

  “Of course. Why else would I have come all the way to Idaho?”

  I asked him, “Are you okay? It must have hurt when he slammed you against the truck.”

  “I’m fine,” Quinn said. “I’m a lot tougher than I look.” Cole put his arm around him and squeezed Quinn’s shoulders, and my roommate grinned happily.

  “What about you?” I asked as I ran my fingertips beneath the bruise on Cole’s cheek. “You took some vicious hits out there.”

 
He just shrugged and said, “I’ve had worse.”

  *****

  We all took turns in the two bathrooms after we got back to Gram’s house so we could wash up, change our clothes, and patch our scrapes. I found myself alone in the kitchen with Ash at one point, while Cole was in the shower. He pulled a flask from the pocket of his pink shorts and took a sip, then passed it to me and said, “Not to sound like a total alcoholic or anything, but I really needed a drink after that fight. I wish I’d brought along a big bottle of something strong. Is there anything in the house?”

  I shook my head. “After Cole’s dad was killed by a drunk driver, his mom and Gram became very anti-alcohol.” I took a sip from the flask and thanked him as I passed it back. The mid-grade whiskey left a pleasant warmth in my stomach.

  “In that case, I’m surprised Cole drinks.”

  “He blamed the man, not the alcohol.” As Ash shook the last few drops of whiskey into his mouth, I said, “I might have a bottle of wine or something in my van. I keep a few supplies for my catering business in there. Want me to check?”

  “I might take you up on that later, but for now this is doing the trick.” Ash pushed his pale lavender hair back from his forehead, then glanced at his hand and muttered, “Shit, I’m bleeding again.”

  “Let me help.” While he rinsed his hand in the sink, I pulled open a drawer and retrieved a compact first aid kit. Then I said, “Since you can’t see the wound, want me to patch it up for you?” Ash hesitated, but then he nodded.

  I dabbed the cut lightly with a disinfecting wipe, then said as I unwrapped a bandage, “I’m sorry you and I got off on the wrong foot. I have to admit I was jealous of you while Cole and I were apart, but I’m trying to get past it.”

  His ice blue eyes studied me closely, and after a moment he said, “I’ve had my doubts about you.”

  “I know.”

  He tried to look tough as he said, “If you hurt Cole again, I’m going to kick your ass.” Since he was a skinny little guy dressed in a pink My Little Pony T-shirt, it was hard to take the threat seriously. But I actually really liked the fact that he was trying to stick up for his friend.

  “Good. I’d deserve an ass-whooping if I hurt him. I wouldn’t even fight back.” He looked surprised, and I told him, “I adore Cole, more than anything on this earth. I messed up once, but I’m not going to do that again, because life without him isn’t worth living.” I gingerly stuck the bandage over his cut, then took a step back and started to repack the first aid kit. “You’re all set.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Welcome.”

  We didn’t really have anything else to say to each other at that point. Fortunately, Cole came into the kitchen and saved us from further awkwardness. As he polished his glasses on the hem of his black T-shirt, he glanced at us and said, “I’m glad you two are getting to know each other.”

  “Your boyfriend’s a good guy. I’m going to go find Quinn, I’ll be right back.” Ash headed down the hall.

  Cole put his glasses on the counter and leaned into me, and as I wrapped my arms around him I asked, “Are you really okay?”

  He nodded, but then he whispered, “I was so scared they were going to hurt you.”

  “They didn’t. I’m fine.”

  “I was stupid. I didn’t think about your safety, or our friends’. If I had, I would have insisted we stay here instead of going into town. But I was totally focused on the idea of going wherever we wanted and not letting fear stop us.”

  “And that was totally the right call.”

  After a moment, Cole told me, “It felt like being back in high school, except then, I had to face the bullies alone. Later on, after Hunter and I got together, I had to worry about keeping both of us safe.”

  I grinned a little and said, “No one has to take care of Hunter anymore. Did you see him out there? He was like a little, blond ninja.”

  That made Cole grin too, and he leaned back and searched my face. As he lightly ran a fingertip over my bruised jaw, he said, “All of you were fierce. I still feel guilty about putting you in that position in the first place, but at the same time, I’m proud of you and our friends for being so brave and tough.”

  “We did what we had to do.”

  “I know we were planning to go somewhere by ourselves after this, but what do you think about inviting our friends to join us? I feel bad that they came all this way for nothing.”

  “I think that’s a great idea. I found us a vacation rental on the Oregon coast, and it’ll be a little cramped, but we can definitely make it work for six people. Let’s go ask them if they want to come along. Oh wait, first we need to make his and his icepacks.”

  “Yes we do.” We put together two little bundles of ice cubes in baggies and dish cloths, and then we headed into the living room.

  Cole and I sat on the couch across from Hunter and Brian, who were curled up in a recliner, and a few moments later, Ash and Quinn joined us. Quinn had changed into a pair of light blue footie pajamas with a repeating pattern of clouds on them. He sat down right beside me, and my first impulse was to make a joke about the pajamas. But then I thought better of it when I realized they were his security blanket of sorts, something he wore when he needed comforting. So instead, I put my arm around his shoulders and gave him a friendly squeeze. That seemed to make him happy.

  “We’re planning to spend a few days on the Oregon coast when we leave here tomorrow,” Cole said, “and we want all of you to come with us.”

  “Are you sure?” Hunter asked.

  I said, “Absolutely. I rented a house right on the beach, and it has two bedrooms and a foldout couch, so we’ll all fit.”

  “You did?” Cole said. “That sounds expensive.”

  “It wasn’t all that much. It’s pretty small, and the décor can best be described as 1970s beach bum,” I said.

  “Still though.”

  “I think there’s something very therapeutic about being by the ocean,” I told him, as he leaned against me and held the icepack to my jaw. “I wanted you to be close enough to hear the sound of the waves.”

  Cole whispered, “Thank you,” and I kissed him, then held the other icepack to his bruised cheek.

  “That sounds great,” Quinn said. “I’d love to come with you.”

  “Us, too,” Hunter said, “as long as you let us split the cost of the rental with you.” I tried to tell them they didn’t have to do that, but Brian insisted.

  Then Cole asked me, “Will we be passing through Portland on the way there?”

  “That’s one possible route.”

  “We should stop off and say hi to your dad.”

  “Good idea. I’ll text him in the morning and let him know we’ll be dropping by.”

  “Just don’t let him borrow any money from you this time,” Cole said.

  “Hopefully he won’t have a chance to ask. I just want to spend an hour or two there, maybe take him to dinner and catch up a bit, then get back on the road. If he does ask for money and you see me starting to cave, drag me to the restroom or something and try to talk some sense into me.”

  “I definitely will.”

  Quinn asked, “Does your dad do that a lot? Borrow from you, I mean?” When I nodded, he said, “But you’re always broke. I don’t say that as an insult. I just mean, what makes him think you have money to lend?”

  I just shrugged, but Cole said, “It’s because River has a huge heart, and his dad knows he’ll say yes. My boyfriend would give his last dollar to help someone in need. Unfortunately, his dad’s the type of person to take advantage of that generosity. He never pays it back either, not a cent. I hate to think how much he’s borrowed over the years.”

  “Close to thirty grand,” I muttered.

  Cole’s eyes went wide. “Are you serious?”

  “I wish I was joking. I’ve kept a running total. That’s over the last twelve years. It was just a hundred bucks here, five hundred there, though on a few occasions it was a thousan
d dollars or more, when I had that much to spare.”

  Quinn said, “But twelve years ago, you were only fifteen.”

  “I know.”

  My roommate knit his dark brows. “You dad sounds like a dick.”

  “He’s not. He just never really grew up.”

  “That’s not okay. You’re supposed to help your kids, not mooch off them.”

  “You’re right.” I adjusted my grip on the icepack and said, “You know, I just realized you’ve never mentioned your parents, Quinn. Where do they live?”

  “In the Oakland Hills.”

  “Oh, they’re close! We should invite them for dinner sometime. I’ll cook, if you want.”

  An uncharacteristic cloud passed over Quinn’s features, and he said, “No, that’s okay.”

  Cole asked, “Don’t you get along with them?”

  He shrugged and said, “I guess we get along alright.”

  Ash asked, “Do they have a problem with the fact that you’re gay?”

  “Not really. I mean, they weren’t thrilled when I came out, but they accepted it. They just kind of have a problem with me as a whole,” he said softly.

  “Why?”

  “Because they’re perfect, and they’ve always expected me to be, too. They adopted me when I was three, and I’ve basically spent every day since then letting them down.”

  “I’m sure that’s not true,” I said.

  Quinn sat up and turned to me. “Come on. You know better than anyone what I’m like, since you’ve had to live with me for almost a year. Now imagine how someone like me would fit in with a wealthy, reserved, Japanese-American family.”

  “They’re lucky to have you for a son,” I said, and he gave me a sad little smile.

  Cole asked, “Whose idea was it for you to study ballet, yours or theirs?”

  “Theirs, but I fell in love with it. They’re super pissed off that I haven’t used all that training to get a job with a professional ballet company.”

  “Well, it’s not like those jobs are easy to come by,” Hunter said.

  Quinn studied the dark green carpet as he told us, “Actually, I got hired by San Francisco Ballet, but I didn’t take the job. I thought the top of my father’s head was going to blow off when I told him I’d turned it down.”