Blood Sabers

by Burbaugh, MF;

  “I thought–” he said.

  “Funny how people always try to think,” I said.

  ‘That thirty minute hell ride was?” Gloria, the pilot asked.

  “Just a woman getting a quickie,” Linda said, and snickered.

  I told the spy, “We are off to old Earth next.”

  “They will be harder than we were, you know,” he said.

  “No, they are better developed but I can destroy the moon or part of Mars base and they will listen,” I said. “You had nothing but a poor delusional female.”

  We shook hands; he was, I knew, also their new Vice President. “Two days late, but happy birthday, Mr. Marshall.”

  He just grinned. “And we are on their side. Pity the HH,” he said to Gloria, as they left and we closed the hatch.

  Onward

  “Estimated time to Old Earth, Rodel?” I asked.

  Aawasa said, “That went well, I think.” She ripped a laugh out of me when she batted her lashes.

  “Three weeks, some big folds ahead,” he said.

  “I remember,” I said. “When we founded New Earth we had made many, many jumps looking for the perfect home. It has its faults but it is a viable planet.”

  We spent the next days doing a lot of sword training as I gave history and background training to the others on both Earth and New Earth. Aawasa was right, we were severely out of shape.

  We tried our first joint space maneuvers. Linda and I went into the hatch, armored up, opened the lock, and went out. All worked fine. She went back and brought out the rest. Four ladies in battledress were in space floating around after Linda put the blue shield around them. It was funny--they wore the almost nothing battledress but had winter fur boots on. Seems the cold of space transferred some to the bubble.

  I checked to make sure, once activated, the shield would remain until removed. I was told it could not be removed in an unsafe environment. I couldn’t when I tried. Aawasa could partially control it; it acted like a rubber membrane or a large flexible bubble. No one could go in or out of it while it was on. They could go through a hatch, close it and shut it off, but they couldn’t wrap around an object or person and bring it into the bubble with them. Made me rest a little easier, safety wise, but was a pain for offensive ops.

  Linda and I tried various movements—space gravity, sometimes called free fall or zero gee, sucked for any kind of maneuvers. Equal and opposite meant just that.

  We called our cats and tried mounted activities, looked cool, but not effective, until Linda’s lion farted accidentally and took off like a rocket. She petted it and we found magic cats can do magical things.

  We spent a whole day farting up space. It was hilarious. You felt the vibration, but heard no sound.

  We were inside eating when Rodel said, “Jump in thirty minutes, jump, jump in thirty minutes!” and laughed.

  We suited up and waited.

  “The bubble,” I asked. “If they are in spacesuits inside can it be dropped?”

  “I think so. Wise beyond your years, husband,” Linda said.

  “Nope, he’s over 220 years old!” Queastra said. “Glad he doesn’t act his age!”

  “Should work the same, if no one inside is compromised it will drop. If Aawasa can wrap around a knot in a rope and get towed, hmmm, could give someone a nasty surprise!” Linda said.

  We jumped. Rodel said in awe, “What a difference a few hundred years make, Jake! Looks like a dry spell, nothing within a week. Will advise if we get a pop up,” he said.

  Life went routine, well for us. Eight hours swordplay and space work for each ship day.

  I was right on the suits idea. We had four women in suits in a blue bubble wrapped around a flexible cable knot being pulled by a saber tooth cat. Experiments where carried out to slingshot them. The lion still rejected all tow attempts. About anything else we could think of was tried. We even knocked all four out cold. I had lined up to try a fast hatch attack. Maximum speed, hard turn, sling shot, and they slammed the hatch area way too hard, four of the most beautiful women in the universe floated inside the bubble, out cold.

  We brought them aboard. Linda checked them, gave them the equivalent of an adrenaline rush, and we waited.

  Aawasa frowned and said, “Well that didn’t go well, I think.” A few headaches, but all were fine. More learning adjustments were made.

  Ten hours went to sleeping, family duties like showers and hair, weapon and equipment testing, and maintenance.

  The final six were spent in ‘family’ time. We read, or played music, watched videos or old movies, ate, wrote reports for Latwasa or Chief. Told jokes, old and knew, and just enjoyed each other.

  Finally, “Jump in ten minutes, jump, jump in ten minutes!” and he giggled.

  To each his own, I thought.

  We jumped and ancient memories were aroused. “My God, Rodel, we can get that close now?”

  “Freak fold, but yes. We are a few hundred thousand miles outside Mars orbit and ‘above’ the solar system plane.

  “Shall I establish contact with Mars and set up an orbit for inspection and all the other things they want before we can go to Earth?” Rodel asked.

  “No, we are here to literally take Earth by storm. I will handle communications with them. Put us on a high Earth orbit track.”

  I said to the girls, “We need to see what they have to bring against us that might be usable against the HH. If they can’t help, why stay?”

  “Rip their security networks apart, Rodel. Don’t disrupt--monitor and discover. All their tactics, any references to the HH, and how much they owe Jake Spoonbill in back pay and allowances allowing for automatic rank and any monies made on my book and our patent.”

  “On it,” he said.

  All the women knew me, and trusted me, except Matawasa. She questioned it.

  I sighed. “The only thing Earth has to use against us, besides numbers, would be nukes of some sort, lasers, some types of energy weapons, or brute force weapons. As far as we know nothing except the Father or his mate in this universe can penetrate that funny blue shield Linda has. We might get our teeth knocked out in shock waves while inside but even they can be used to reinforce the power of the swords. We risk the unknown, yes, maybe in that regard we may not be too smart, but all will know we are not cowards. After the first attack they will stop to analyze or evaluate, and regroup, as we do in swordplay after the opening gambit.

  “Rodel, what can we do to show supreme power?” I asked. “The moon, poof, it’s gone, that would get attention.”

  “It is now highly inhabited, Sire.”

  “Damn…anything large and not inhabited?” I asked.

  “Mercury,” he said. He gave its mass and location and details.

  “Linda?” I asked.

  She was thinking. “Twenty hours start to finish but both swords will be almost gone on power and if they shoot a spitball we’re done for during recharge.”

  “That’s out then; let me think.”

  “Mars calling, Sire. Immediate identification is demanded, arrogant bastard, and a parking orbit for boarding and inspection at Mars.”

  “Like I’m not arrogant?” I went and wrote an order for Rodel. “Fastest possible to Camelot, how long?” I asked Rodel.

  “If the fold we just came through is there, three days.”

  “Send this at once,” I said.

  “Jake, you know my thoughts on this,” Rodel said.

  “Risk or no. Do or do not, my friend. Send it.”

  All the ships power went almost to zero. Even the swords dimmed and there was a horrendous pow as the ship shook. Linda and Latwasa found a way that Rodel could tap our swords’ power for emergency use, a little Puddle Jumper hit almost three-quarter light speed in about 100,000 feet and was heading back through the fold we came through.

  “Ladies, Linda and Aawasa have been to Earth in one life or other but the rest don’t really know it. First, there are no valid seers that I am aware of, but the planet
is full of charlatans, thieves, murderers, rapists, and crooks from the street thugs selling drugs to the political thugs selling power. It is also full of good, kind people, so it is not a cut and dry call.” I waited until it sunk in.

  “We need their manufacturing abilities, their standing military, and their cunning. I was going to just try to win the good people and force the government to help, though reluctantly. But, for better or worse, I have decided to take over control. I’ve a sketchy idea I’ve been working on. So…we have about fifteen days to pull a miracle, ladies.”

  We discussed the basic plan. “Well, let’s not keep them waiting. Rodel, give me Mars, no visuals yet.”

  “…NASA Mars calling…identify immediately or be destroyed…this is NASA Mar--”

  “NASA Mars, this is, I spell, capital C, space, capital K small o small t capital R capital T space, capital R capital D number one, have you a brain, or shall I repeat?”

  “I have it.”

  I heard in the background, “some drunk loony.”

  “I shall deal with your arrogance at a later time. We go to high orbit around Earth to accept the unconditional surrender of NASA and NATO. Please have them notified immediately as I have other worlds to conqueror, and am pressed for time.”

  “Now look you dumb sonuvabitch, this is Captain Langford Green of Earth defense forces, NATO; orbit Mars now or be destroyed! Last warning.”

  “We identified ourselves, we told you where we will go, and I no longer have time for your childish babbling. I am glad it’s the last warning, they bore me. Cut.”

  Katawasa smiled. “I think that went well, yes?”

  “Yes, we got their undivided attention. Full alert, all systems. Rodel, you have command. Advise of any incoming and times. Shall we go watch an ancient movie I just remembered, sort of fits…it was called, um, The Mouse that Roared. Quite entertaining,” and I laughed. They would see the parallels.

  Rodel kept us posted and the girls got a kick out of the movie.

  “Picture us instead, downtown New York City, five almost naked women and a guy in boxer shorts with a hard-on heading to Times Square,” Matawasa said.

  “Four ships up from Mars, two are high speed attack class with nukes, unmanned. Two are forty man assault ships as backup.”

  “Can you pop the nukes safely? It is a show, we don’t want anyone hurt unnecessarily,” Aawasa asked.

  “They are closing fast enough ahead of the assault ships, I should be able to in a few minutes--they time it pretty close. Good troop tactics.”

  “Let’s suit up. Just in case,” I recommended.

  “Easier than I thought it would be. They are no less arrogant than when we left,” Aawasa said.

  “Linda, grab a bow, low power boomers. I’ll take the crossbow. Put your armor on, I don’t want anyone dying from your beauty; once Rodel pops the nukes we will go and disable the assault ships, seal the hatches, spank them, and send them home.” I looked around and made up a little sign to take along. “Rodel, you will bubble this ship as soon as we leave, just in case they have something that is new and unknown up their sleeve.”

  “About another minute, Sire. We will get a buffet from it more than they will,” Rodel said.

  “Pop up the shield, my sweet,” I said.

  Linda withdrew her sword, pointed, and almost invisible in space, a bubble appeared. The normal splash of lightning was just for show. Two small nuke shaped charges went off way too early. The ship rocked a bit, the bubble disappeared, and two assault ships viewed a female with big breasts and in white armor sitting atop a lion. And a guy in light blue armor, with a huge plume coming off his helmet was sitting atop a sabertooth tiger. Both held glowing swords, one white, one pale blue.

  We moved forward, Linda went left, I went right. “Sight on, auto range, auto fire,” I said through the earbud. I flipped my helmet eyes to IR, nice red lighting effect for the cameras.

  Linda said, “In 4, 3, 2, 1, fire.” I had five bolts away, Linda had five arrows flying through space unopposed by wind or gravity.

  Five arrows exploded in small shape-charged explosions against vectoring fins and attitude jet ports.

  Five crossbow bolts had exactly the same effect on the other ship.

  Two swords were held and pointed as blue lightning, sucked from the very power of the universe, shot out as hull metal melted and fused, and for some reason hatches could no longer be opened.

  I went to this ship’s pilot view port. I saw them, they saw glowing red eyes. I held up a little hand written sign that said. “Go home or die--which will it be?” I waited while they contacted each other.

  I held up my shield so they could try to figure out what the red panties were about.

  Finally, the pilot pointed over his shoulder toward Mars. I patted his window and flipped the sign, which said, “Smart boy!”

  Linda dismounted her lion and straddled the pilot’s window. She had to do it, it was her nature. She would slap off her armor, the pilots would get a look at the most perfect naked beauty in the universe, and then she’d pop it back on. She did it two or three times and waved by-by, remounted, and we farted back to our home away from home as the ships made long slow turns heading back to Mars.

  After we entered, Linda said, “That went well, I think,” and tried to stifle a laugh.

  Rodel said, “That view won’t make the evening news.”

  “Well, shock and awe. I gave the awe,” Linda said, as they all cracked up.

  “Let’s keep it going,” I suggested.

  “Rodel, full link with all Mars systems, even the schools. Linda’s gonna go quite crass. Linda, the white battle dress will do, I think.”

  “Give me a minute,” Rodel said. “This is going to be hard.” I knew he was using up a lot of the power from the swords, but he could be awesome sometimes.

  “Everyone but Linda to the middle section. Linda stand here.” I moved her center forward. “Rodel, nothing but roses in a light breeze and Linda.”

  “Linda, address it to ‘the arrogant sonuvabitch’, you know that captain that was first seen. Inform him of how far up his butt his privates will go if we encounter any further stupidities. You know the drill. Just be your colorful self.” I smiled, she smiled.

  “Whenever you are ready, My Queen,” Rodel said.

  Linda stood a little to the side, head on her chest and one hand to her lips.

  Oh shit! I thought.

  Linda whispered, “3,2,1.”

  A beautiful southern bell appeared as she swayed back and forth a bit.

  “High y’all, they call me Linda, a Queen of Camelot,” and she batted her eyes, most pleasingly, quite sexy.

  She squared on the camera, her eyes turned dark and glowed with bronze fire. She spread her legs and put her hands on her hips, and turned most ugly.

  Her loud, booming voice said, “I am also known as the devil-spawned bitch from hell. Designed by my Creator for his pleasure, only to watch and drool as only my king may touch me and live. I say this to that m-f’ing, damn sonuvabitch that dared…”(her voice kept rising as all over Mars teachers and mothers were trying to turn off video receivers that wouldn’t, change channels that couldn’t, even tried to unplug--all failed. They all heard, and saw the raw power of Linda’s shock and awe. “…to challenge my husband. If so much as a spitball comes from that miserable little rock you call Mars I will find you, Captain! I will rip that tiny little prick you have off and shove it so far up your butt you will tickle it with your tongue! Look to your videos, cretin, I can, and I swear I will do it!…cut.”

  All the other girls were jumping up and down and giggling.

  Matawasa was figuring us out. “Now that went well! I think.”

  Gut wrenching laughter from all, even Rodel was squeaking and squealing.

  “Poor guy,” Linda said. “Wonder if he messed his pants yet.”

  Over the next two hours Rodel filled us in on the pandemonium below as we cruised toward Earth orbit.

&nb
sp; “They have looked at, and disregarded, most of the videos, claiming it is some mental hysteria trick or some such, but they can’t explain the nukes going off early or unplugged videos playing, or how they are going to get their men off two ships when all the hatches are welded shut. The poor controller has been confined in a maximum-security cell for his personnel protection. From one of the guard’s comments about smell I think he did mess his pants.”

  “Think we did shock and awe?” I asked.

  “Oh, 100%, I assure you,” Rodel said. “Aah, Earth NASA has responded, they will handle it personally. NATO wants jurisdiction as they blame each other for the total incompetence from the NASA control to the NATO defense ships. Both have been hailing non-stop.”

  “When we get an hour or so from high orbit let me know,” I said.

  “They have already launched interceptors and missiles, even some with depleted uranium tips,” Rodel told us.

  “Anything you can’t handle?”

  “Nope, all little things. The Envirowackos prevail in Earth space defense. You know, fallout, deformed babies, space junk falling on their heads, the usual garbage; boggy men falling out of the sky. All these years and so little has changed.”

  “Linda, bubble the ship. Rodel, tell them we have decided to nap, we are tired from our afternoon walk. Let them stew a while.”

  We all laid down and talked.

  “Rodel, play some of your private Islands music for us and pipe it to Earth and Mars, no heavy push. I want them to spend hours agonizing over it, if it has meaning or not, trying to find the composer, and I find it relaxing.”

  “How about a couple relaxing love sonatas I wrote for bagpipes?”

  Six loud and unanimous “no’s” could be heard.

  Pout, pout, pout, nasal laughter.

  Thunderstorms rumbled nearby, rain fell, and soft music wafted on the wind, as Earth was told we were napping.

  As always with his music, I fell asleep.

  The ship rocked gently as missiles went off, missiles missed, uranium bounced, and Earth found out they were getting a high orbit visitor whether they wished it or not.